Nearly FML

By CollegeIsBadMkay - 05/04/2016 00:02 - United States - Readstown

Today, Not only does my dad constantly belittle my choice in major (game design and development), but he is always telling me how I'm "making a mistake going to college" and how he knew he "wouldn't like college and look at me now". My dad makes less than 20k a year and my family is quite poor. FML.

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By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 23:23 - United Kingdom - Barking

Today I saw a girl at work walking to her desk with 2 glasses of water. Thinking it would be funny if she spilt a bit I poked her. She did indeed spill it over her hand. Just a shame I didn't notice she was carrying hot water to make tea at her desk. FML

agreeclassic 2

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By TheIfiriValkyrie - 04/04/2016 23:00 - United States - El Paso

Yesterday, I had baked some brownies knowing my period cravings are ravenous in the morning, even making a note saying I was saving them for somebody special. So, I wake up the next morning and they're gone, with a note saying, "thanks for saving them for me!". Damn my roommate.

agreeclassic 3

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By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 23:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I spent the whole day working on my geography revision, and lost it all when my computer crashed multiple times in a row and my autosave didn't work. I've just spent over an hour trying to recover it so now it's 2AM and I'm going to cry myself to sleep. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By DeathofCareBear - 04/04/2016 22:52 - United States - Stowe

Today, I asked a female friend if she wanted to hangout she responded by telling me she doesn't want to date me and has no feelings for me in anyway and we should go our separate ways so it's not awkward. I didn't even ask her out on a date. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By Notsoundproof - 04/04/2016 22:50 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, My girlfriend discovered my only weakness: she keeps making a high-pitched voice which bothers me greatly and hurts my ears. Now she keeps doing it and won't stop teasing me about it. FML

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vote type 1 1

By stinky boi - 04/04/2016 22:45 - United States - Seattle

Today, it has been 4 days since I have been able to shower. The reason being? The sewage pipe exiting my house got clogged and my bathtub filled with shit when I tried to flush the toilet (this is how I found out btw). I was highly avoided at school today. How unhygienic. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By thanksforthesupportsis - 04/04/2016 22:29 - United States - Fremont

Today, my immediate family refuses to talk to me because I accepted an offer to prom. Apparently, the asker is my sister's crush. I genuinely like this guy. My sister never mentioned his name, and just broke up with her boyfriend yesterday. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By jesterinperil - 04/04/2016 22:22 - United States - Panama City

Today, in the middle of my day, I kneeled to pack away my instrument. My pants split clean down the middle, leaving me to go the rest of the day without a change of clothes. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 22:02 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I shat out my whole insides on the school toilets for an hour. At least I was all good for my next lesson, or so I thought when the toilet overflowed. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By really - 04/04/2016 21:50 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I saw a cute guy at the park. Trying to act cute, I walked my dog over in a cute perky walk. An elderly man stuck his foot out, only for me to land face first in dog feces. The cute guy high-fived him. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By sardonictwist - 04/04/2016 21:49 - United States - Raleigh

Today, it has been a month since my first ever college girlfriend and I broke up, she happened to be the first person that I ever slept with. Today also marks the third day that I can hear her having sex with my suite-mate through the wall. I have to share a bathroom with this guy

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By lexluither3365 - 04/04/2016 21:41 - United States

Today,I started talking to this really nice guy on omegle.Well he wanted to see what I looked like and wanted to see my ass.So we snapped.I sent a pic.He texted back,"Omfg ew."I was like oh he thinks I'm ugly and my ass is tiny.I was like, "What? What's wrong?"He sent a pic back. It's my brother.FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 21:40 - Brazil - Cotia

Today my father threatened to take away my computer, cellphone and TV if I don't find a hobby. Apparently having a 3.9 GPA and going to the gym 4 times a week isn't enough for him. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By randominternetvo - 04/04/2016 21:22 - United States - Laie

Today I received a call from a debt collector about a loan I had never heard of. It turns out that my sister took one out in my name. When confronted she said that she "just doesn't have the money" and I can't send her to jail because shes my sister. It's a $20,000 loan plus late payments.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By PoolDeadio - 04/04/2016 21:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I was having a conversation with a friend. He didn't agree with me and my girlfriend's decision to be private about our business. So, he ripped my phone from my hands, and read some very personal things out loud. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By The_ghetto_mango - 04/04/2016 21:04 - United States - Peculiar

Today, my boss broke my office window. He then blamed and fired me. Why did he fire me? Some important papers flew out, which were the papers that contained paychecks. Specifically, my paychecks, which he hadn't given me in five weeks, for "punishment". FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Ouch! - 04/04/2016 20:58 - United States - Middletown

Today, my dad decided not to tell me that he placed new mouse traps in the barn, specifically in the cabinet where I keep my horse stuff. I reached back into one of the cubbys, trying to feel around for a bottle of ointment... Guess who now has a really sore finger. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By The_ghetto_mango - 04/04/2016 20:58 - United States - Peculiar

Today, I learned about the uterus and how it works. All was going well until I noticed the blood running down my leg. My teacher noticed this, and he burst out laughing. I had to wait twenty minutes to go the bathroom, by which my sock and shoe were soaked with blood. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By darknut79 - 04/04/2016 20:52 - United States - Ashland

Today, some guy on my campus yelled at me for ten minutes for being "racist" and "bigoted". All I said was I liked Trump's tax plan. I'm not even a Republican. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By Bonafonte - 04/04/2016 20:50 - Belgium - Diest

Today, at rehearsal I was supposed to carry a girl off the stage with somebody else. That other person lost her grip and the girl dropped to the floor, taking me with her. As I hit the ground, I ripped a big one. Everyone heard. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 19:58 - United States

Today, as I was walking to my next class I found out via Facebook status from my brother that our grandfather had died. No text no phone call. Just his Facebook status. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By thatjusthappened - 04/04/2016 19:40 - United States - Redding

Today it marks the 3 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. He is currently stationed over seas. I was at home when I got a knock on my door. It was a woman and her two kids. She wanted to leave her kids with me when she went overseas. I never met her before. they are my boyfriends family. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By embarrassed_nation52 - 04/04/2016 19:28 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have sex, I said no, due to the fact I'm a couple days to starting my period. He then shouted at the top of his lungs "my dick is magic it's like a master key." I still live at home and my parents don't trust me alone with him anymore. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By saavoir - 04/04/2016 19:22 - United States

Today, Not only did I dump my coffee on me but after cleaning myself as much as I could... I sat back in the puddle of coffee on my seat. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By LittleGina - 04/04/2016 19:22 - United States - Benson

Today, I was questioned by my 5-year-old daughter's teacher why I was allowing her around someone who's using cocaine. Confused, I figured out that my babysitter has been drinking a new energy drink on the market called "Cocaine" and my daughter has been repeating it to the whole class. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Mother Russia - 04/04/2016 18:57 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I came back home from a trip to Russia that included shitting uncontrollably in my pants, puking, getting hospitalized from the flu, hooked onto an IV and being feed awful food. Just when I thought that my life couldn't get any worse I got the chicken pox and I'm on my period, FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By CoughSplutterCough - 04/04/2016 18:51 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, walking home from work early because of a bad cold, not one but two drivers decided it'd be great to splash through the puddles and drench me. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Great Birthday - 04/04/2016 18:42 - United States - New York

Today, it's my birthday and my girlfriend gave me the greatest gift, chlamydia. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By what a day - 04/04/2016 18:35 - United States - San Jose

Today, I took my dog for a walk, and right when we walked out the door, he saw a squirrel and chased after it for 2 yards. My hand was wrapped around the leash. I'm in the hospital now. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

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Top

Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking that she would get scared and turn to me for comfort. I ended up running out, and was put on the Wall of Shame. FML

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Today, I got an invitation to the "Going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

agreeclassic 34 732

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Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

agreeclassic 36 615

vote type 1 4 866

Today, my husband is so bored with speaking to me, he literally walked outside when I was mid-sentence during a conversation about how I need more attention in our relationship. We've only been married 3 months. FML

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vote type 1 402

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her that, "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here." She replied, "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

agreeclassic 67 587

vote type 1 6 349

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

agreeclassic 28 105

vote type 1 5 478