Nearly FMLs

By PanicWithSirens - 04/04/2016 04:15 - United States - Billerica

A couple months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me because he came out as gay. Today, I found out he cheated on me the whole time with another girl, and, now has a new, better girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By GameOps - 04/04/2016 04:09 - United States - Irving

Today while on an expensive dinner date, my girlfriend publicly announced she was madly in love with the boy of her dreams. I even had an engagement ring ready in my pocket and had gotten her fathers blessing a few days before this. This would all be great, except the boy of her dreams isn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Capriciousfox - 04/04/2016 04:01 - United States - Peoria

Today, I had my first seizure at 19 and fell and hit my head. I was rushed to the hospital. They have no idea what's wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By jaydoll12345 - 04/04/2016 03:56 - United States - Hialeah

Today,I found an email my boyfriend wrote to some YouTuber asking how to get his "lazy unhealthy sack of shit girlfriend to workout" because she can "have a better body" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By BLARGTEHTACO - 04/04/2016 03:55 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I can't focus on anything because of my ADD, but if I take my meds then my Tourettes will become so severe that it distracts me even more and causes me pain, and if I take the meds for that then I'll be too tired to even get up to go to the washroom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 04/04/2016 03:54 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I woke up to the sound of my mom and her boyfriend having sex, I wouldn't have been too bothered by it if we weren't sharing a hotel room and the beds weren't 5 feet away from each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Damn - 04/04/2016 03:51

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text. I'd be more understanding, if the reasoning wasn't because he is now straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By CatForSale - 04/04/2016 03:35 - United Kingdom - Stone

Today, I decided to have some time alone and masturbate for the first time in weeks. After three hours of attempting to give myself an orgasm, my cat decided to attack me and run off, just when I was about to cum. This isn't the first time he's done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ouch - 04/04/2016 03:24 - United States - Phoenix

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend. She lovingly told me that I am bigger than my best friend who she had been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By SaltyMuch - 04/04/2016 03:19 - United States - Schnecksville

Today, After finally gaining to courage to text this girl i really like, I made a dumb blonde joke to get her to smile. Turns out she is blonde but has dyed hair. Let's just say it's not going to happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By rmonk - 04/04/2016 03:17 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I had to take a piss in the middle of my friend's party. I went to the bathroom but had the worst double stream of my life. One stream of my pee went in the toilet while the other curved over onto the floor. I then spent 5 minutes shamefully wiping up my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By thisisthestupid - 04/04/2016 03:17 - United States

Today, my fiancé tried to force me to eat his dead skin that he pulled off his foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 04/04/2016 03:17 - United States - Mchenry

Today, my best friend of years chose the guy that broke my heart over me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 04/04/2016 03:12 - United States - Nashville

Today, My wife and I were using a vibrator that we like to call "the bullet". Unfortunately instead of squirting like she normally does she peed! All over my freshly cleaned sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 03:06 - United States - Beloit

Today, I woke up to the sound of glass breaking. When I went and checked what is was, I came to find that my little 3 year old sister smashed my new $80 perfume I just bought. My parents say that I can't be mad because it was "my fault for leaving it out", but It was hidden in my safe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By evelyn365 - 04/04/2016 03:04 - United States - Springboro

Today, despite putting on sunscreen every 20 minutes, I managed to get a very awkward sunburn. My boyfriend commented that I look like a "patchwork of pain and regret" when we started getting intimate. I can't disagree. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By no name - 04/04/2016 03:00 - United States - Elgin

Today, my boyfriend tried to do a make up challenge with me, once he was done I looked better than I can make myself look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By dante123113 - 04/04/2016 02:56 - United States - Jensen Beach

Today, I slipped in the bathroom at the pool, while wearing shoes. I slammed my hand into the ceramic light switch faceplate, and my foot put a hole in the tiled wall. Both my brothers saw it, I will never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By allergic - 04/04/2016 02:52 - United States - Rochester

Today, I woke up and heard meowing coming from suspiciously close by. I thought nothing of it until I went to work and got a text. Turns out my roommates decided to get a cat without asking me first. I'm allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By brokentoe? - 04/04/2016 02:48 - Canada - Madoc

Today, I was working my horrible job in furniture moving. I hate my job so much but no one around is hiring. I was lifting a fairly heavy dresser when it slipped. I dropped it right on to my toe. The worst part is I was hoping it was broken so I didn't have to continue to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By yenze - 04/04/2016 02:45 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I lost my job, my girlfriend, and my house. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By ouch - 04/04/2016 02:45 - United States - Milford

Today, I finally met my goal to lose 10 pounds in a healthy way! I was going to hit the mall as a reward for my weight loss. My dad stopped me and said "you should really live a healthy lifestyle and drop some lbs so that you can fit into the clothes you already have". I run everyday and diet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By EYEron man - 04/04/2016 02:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I noticed one of the light bulbs in my living room light fixture had burned out and and to please my parents, I tried to replace it my self. Unbeknownst to me, parts of the metal had chipped off and ended up in my eye. I had to spend 5 agonizing & painful minutes taking them out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Sam - 04/04/2016 02:41 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I found out that when I missed a day of school 5 weeks ago we were assigned a major assignment for the unit, even after asking the professor what I had missed the next day he said "Nothing." It's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By hails - 04/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Fargo

Today, is my birthday. I have over 4,000 friends on Facebook and not one person commented on my page or wished me happy birthday. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By anonymous - 04/04/2016 02:32 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had my older brother (legal guardian) order ants to me so I can finish my ant farm. He thought it would be funny to order fire ants. When I opened the tub of ants to look at them, thinking there was a film covering them, they crawled all over me and bit me. I'm in a hospital for 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 02:24 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, my father informed me that he and my mother have been discussing my sexuality behind my back for God knows how long because "all of my role models are females." I wouldn't be so annoyed if they weren't correct. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 02:20 - United States - Wentzville

Today, after 8 months of being in love with my best friend, I decided to confess my feelings for him. Then only to find out that he was needing to tell me that he had a new girlfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By maalmawr - 04/04/2016 02:14 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I took off from Detroit to Los Angeles for a business trip, just to land and find out the only credit card I took with me was locked because of some charges made in New York. Now I'm stuck in CA with no money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Thanks - 04/04/2016 02:07 - United States - Richmond Hill

Today, a little kid asked her mother a question about me... If I was male or female. Which wouldn't have bothered me until the mother hesitated to answer. Later my coworker then told me that he can't see why anyone would be attracted to me as I'm not that pretty. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his best friend that the only reason he likes to sleep over at my house is for the sex and the fast internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 280

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 786

You deserved it 4 738

Today, I found that my coworker left an "upper decker" in the toilet as a prank. I didn't realize this until I flushed. The poop clogged the top part of the toilet, which would not stop filling. I had to reach into the poopy water to unplug it. All I went in there to do was pee, and I had the CFO of our company waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 80

Today, just like every morning, I had to make myself throw up all the acid in my stomach just to make room for a little bit of food. No doctor can fix my problem, and my family still thinks I’m doing it to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 151

Today, I realised I need to grow up when I couldn’t stop laughing throughout a very serious meeting entitled, “Master / Sub Remediation Program.” It’s about electricity meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 788

Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 422

You deserved it 3 639