Nearly FMLs

By mamadrama - 04/04/2016 02:05 - United States - Okemos

Today, my 3 year old burst into hysterics in a crowded public restroom, begging me "don't die mommy.!" Trying to explain why she was so upset, she pointed at the toilet "look mommy, you're bleeding." It was fun explaining to several concerned stall neighbors, that I had just started my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By great - 04/04/2016 02:04 - United States - Westlake

Today, I finally came to conclusion that I have feelings for a very cute, funny guy. This wouldn't be such a bad thing if I wasn't married or the fact that this guy is my husband's brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By tyson24769 - 04/04/2016 01:55 - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I finally told my parents I'm gay. They told me they figured it out when I was 12 yrs old (I'm 25 now). Wait that means for 13 years since then (over half my life) I've been working hard to lie and to hide what they already figured out and apparently have accepted and are fine with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 01:54 - United States - Toms River

Today, my mom "forgot" to put her SUV in park before she ran inside our house and it drove itself inside our garage, over my tool bench, and into a wall, all while side swiping the other wall. All because she had to "pee really bad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By MadeUpUsername - 04/04/2016 01:42 - Canada - Sudbury

Today was my great grandmother's funeral. It would have been a sweet funeral too if my aunt hadn't strapped a GoPro to the casket. Yes, I'm serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By bookworm01032015 - 04/04/2016 01:34 - United States - Westfield

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to carry me on his back. As I jumped on to his back, he screamed out in pain saying "TOO HEAVY. OWWW MY BACK!" He then proceeded to break up with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By reluctantAtlas - 04/04/2016 01:30 - United States

Today, work was going really well when a customer mentioned that there was a small leak in the men's bathroom. Not being too worried about it, I said I'd let the manager know. I walked into ankle-deep water when I went to clean the bathroom. It's been 3 hours and I'm still bailing water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By supernovaa64 - 04/04/2016 01:26 - United States - Orlando

Today, as me and my boyfriend were getting intimate, he suddenly stops. Was it something wrong with me? No. Our cat peed on the bed and he put his knee in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By IrisNoel98 - 04/04/2016 01:05 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I cleaned out my blender. Like you should clean anything, I put hot water and soap in it. When I turned it on to clean it, the top flew off and blew scalding hot water all over me. My entire upper body including my face is now covered in first and second degree burns.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 00:58 - United States - Meriden

Today, Is my birthday and I was in my room jacking off while my family was gone. They thought it would be fun to surprise me. My whole family walked in on my jacking off on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By FML - 04/04/2016 00:29 - United States - Gales Ferry

Today, is my birthday. It is also the day that I found out that my best friend just died from lung cancer and my girlfriend just broke up with me... Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By KendraLaine - 04/04/2016 00:14 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I had to pay $50 for the morning after pill because my boyfriend of 2 years informed me that apparently drunk him listened to black out me and blacked out me wanted a baby...FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By ScratchLens - 03/04/2016 23:42 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had to drive all the way into town to get a new pair of lenses for my son, who thought it would be a good idea to clean his glasses with steel wool. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Stonersteve - 03/04/2016 23:41 - United States - Selinsgrove

Today, I gave my wife $20 for gas money for a guy that gave her a ride home from work... she proceeds to tell me they slept together today too so I gave this dude $20 bucks to have sex with my wife FML...

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 23:26 - United States - Tucson

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend I felt like I was going to fart, I decided to moan louder so he couldn't hear anything, when I let it rip it was more then a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By loopisnoopi - 03/04/2016 23:20 - United States - Tucson

Today, I showed my niece Beauty and the Beast, her favorite character was Chip so while I went to the bathroom she proceeded to go to the China cabinet and start breaking my sisters China cups till one looked like chip. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By oh the irony.. - 03/04/2016 23:20 - United States - San Diego

Today, I dropped and lost my 700$ phone in the parking lot of a 99 cent store. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By bahklava - 03/04/2016 23:20 - United States

Today was my cousin's wedding, and his socially awkward younger brother was assigned to be the ring bearer. When it came time to present the rings, the ring bearer refused to give up the rings and announced in front of 100 people, "The ring is mine!" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By bigbagofnope - 03/04/2016 22:51 - United Kingdom

Today, while smoking with my boyfriend I coughed so hard that I pissed on myself and his sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By What? - 03/04/2016 22:48 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for not celebrating our 3 week anniversary. I didn't even know that was a thing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 22:32 - United States - Denver

Today, my class took a camping trip. Everything was fine, until lights out, where everyone slept in one room. During the night, I kept hearing squish sounds and heavy breathing. I realized it was two of my classmates having sex, while another masturbated to it. I'm the only one who noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By dieselchemist - 03/04/2016 22:05 - United States - Springtown

Today, I returned from my week long honeymoon. Today is also the day my husband was admitted to the ICU with heart and kidney failure. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anon - 03/04/2016 22:01 - United States - Littleton

Today, I peed my pants for the first time since I was a child. In front of my whole family. And my landlord. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Renamon - 03/04/2016 22:00 - United States - Provo

My sister got pregnant from someone at a party she went to, and instead of doing the responsible thing: telling our parents, or dealing with it on her own, she manages to pin it on me, and now I'm heading to jail. Apparently incest here in my state is punishable "Up to 5y and $5,000 fine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By sadsinglemama - 03/04/2016 21:58 - United States - Oxnard

Today, my "traditional" father once again berated me to the point of tears for Being a single mother. Yet he seems to have absolutely no problem with my older brother who has four kids with three different women. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Alli - 03/04/2016 21:50 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend and his friend switched info for a prank on Kik. Without informing me. The "sexy pics" he wanted from me when I woke up went straight to his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By broken iPhone 6 user - 03/04/2016 21:32 - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to see my brother play in his band at a bar. During his set they pulled my friend up on stage, so I decided to take a picture of them. At that moment my friend decided to dive off the stage right on to me throwing my phone 5 feet to the left smashing my phone screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 21:32 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got married. I invited my family despite their lack of support. They criticised every decision I made, showed up late, in the wrong dress code, delayed our reception and took home all the leftover food. They didn't even give a gift. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By privatepolicy99 - 03/04/2016 21:08 - United States

Today, my sister didn't approve of my song choice in the car. She decided it would be more logical to grab my phone, which was Bluetooth connected, and chuck it out of the car that was going 60 miles, then to ask me to change the song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By justme274 - 03/04/2016 21:03 - United States - Atlanta

My dad's excuse for picking me up eight hours late was that he was in a different state. He forgets that I can see his location on Find My Iphone. He was five minutes away at our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 854

You deserved it 3 745

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 156

You deserved it 22 432

Today, my boss finally worked out that by not giving the lads a pay rise to £18 an hour, instead just offering them overtime when necessary, it actually cost the equivalent of raising each employees salary to £26 an hour, for a whole year. He’s is blaming me because I issue the pay checks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 90

Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 805

You deserved it 28 926

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 572

You deserved it 41 386

Today, my best friend and longtime crush actually said the words, “Why can’t I find a girl like you?” I told him, “I'm a girl like me, am I not enough?” He winced, hemmed and hawed at the answer, then quickly changed the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 223