Nearly FML

By cdunn25 - 05/04/2016 03:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while running off little sleep, I fell asleep taking a test. I woke up only when I realized Dwight and Jim from the Office were arguing over the right answer in my dream. Jim was wrong. FML

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vote type 1 1

By baby510 - 05/04/2016 03:20 - United States

Today my wife of two years told me she doesn't love me anymore. And also that she slept with 10 different people 3 days after our wedding. She continued to tell me that she thinks shes in love with her best friend but had to make sure by sleeping with him as well yesterday. Im a lesbian. Fml.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By fkygirl - 05/04/2016 03:10

Today, I was eating a flan and felt something of weird consistency in my mouth. I chewed a dead fly and maybe its larvae. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By PegleggedWalrus - 05/04/2016 03:07 - United States - Irvine

Today, I have a crush on my best friend, because I'm into slightly older white guys. The only problem is, so is he. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Iiiecriiimcone - 05/04/2016 03:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lended a buddy some tattooing equipment to use while out of town. He got in a fight while away and left the equipment by accident. He refused to get them back or pay me the $1200 im out. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

By MashaV - 05/04/2016 02:56 - United States - Edison

Today, after a terrible day at college, I was walking back in the rain after a 4.5 hour long organic chemistry lab, feeling like a failure, when I got a text from my friend. It cheered me up somewhat - until a bird shat on my phone. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By jamierson - 05/04/2016 02:54 - United States - East Troy

Today, I got in a car accident on April first. Almost none of my friends believed me. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Genius_Kitty - 05/04/2016 02:52 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a brand new experience! Too bad the experience was the explosion of "extra minty" toothpaste directly into my eyeball. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Killme - 05/04/2016 02:51 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got a girl pregnant. I'm 14. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

By ohhellno - 05/04/2016 02:49 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, (last night) I felt a prickling or crawling sensation on my skin. I jumped out of bed in horror, searching for what had caused it. A huge cockroach was on my bed crawling around. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By dundundundundun - 05/04/2016 02:42 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work I learned that having an eye for detail is very useful when you have to write a statement for sexual harassment, FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By linderisweird - 05/04/2016 02:41 - United States - Shidler

Today, my dog decided to come up with a new way of letting him outside at 4 am. He jumped on my bed then sat on my head (that rhymed). He is an English Bull Mastiff that weighs 206 lbs. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

By brokenhearted - 05/04/2016 02:35 - United States - Detroit

Today, my boyfriend and I had a serious talk. He admitted to being sexually attracted to women and that he thinks of me as a big sister. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By nolove - 05/04/2016 02:32 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I realized that my boyfriend doesn't think he needs to get me ready for sex like I do for him because of the fact that we use a good amount of lube every time, FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Single&Naive - 05/04/2016 02:24 - United States - Miami

Yesterday, I met up with an ex-boyfriend to catch up & things went really well so I ended up staying over at his place. I was on cloud 9 today until a women called me to find out who her husband had been calling. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By HRTreatman - 05/04/2016 02:23 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my parents forgot to pick me up from school. It's my birthday. FML

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 02:07 - United States - Saint George

Today, my period came 18 days late while I was at work & it bled through my khakis, I had 3 hours left in my shift. I changed into some black soccer shorts I had in my locker. All my managers were having a meeting saw & asked why I was wearing shorts. They wouldn't let me leave until I told them FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 02:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend set me up on a blind date with a man who was in an electrical fire, and suffered horrible burns to most of his body, including his hands and face. I have a horrible, irrational fear of people with burn scars and go out of my way to avoid them so I don't seem rude. She knows. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By sexcouch - 05/04/2016 02:00 - United States - Rantoul

Today, while laying on the couch in my den I was told by my sister that her and her boyfriend had sex on it while everyone was at home. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By kjkoop - 05/04/2016 01:59 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, they were testing the fire alarms at work. Every 5 minutes, the alarm would ring. I already have high anxiety and am averse to loud noises. I was nearly in tears within the first hour. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By fainter - 05/04/2016 01:56 - United States

Today, I had a job interview that could change my life for the better. They ended up having to call the paramedics for me because I almost passed out.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By PanicWithSirens - 05/04/2016 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend broke up with me three months ago, was not because he came out as gay, but because he was cheating on me with my best friend. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By loveless - 05/04/2016 01:49 - United States - Olean

Today, it officially marks the one year anniversary since my boyfriend so much as kissed me. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By devonp17 - 05/04/2016 01:32 - United States - Haverford

Today, after seeing a dermatologist for almost a year, the earth virus on my hands had finally gone away, only to be relocated to my feet. Fml.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By H_STAY - 05/04/2016 01:32 - United States - Merced

Today, my boyfriend texted me 'Babe, I love you and i will never stop Debby!' That would be great and all, if my name was Debby and my bestfriends wasn't.... -_- FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 01:29 - United States

Today, on his first day off house arrest in a year, my boyfriend stood me up on our date. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By Tinzel t - 05/04/2016 01:25 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my 2 year old jumped on me laying on the couch landing on my balls. My wife laughed saying "You weren't going to need them anytime soon anyways". FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By japanesebeetle - 05/04/2016 00:51 - United States - New Britain

Today, I bought a moisturizer prescribed from my dermatologist for about $180. After washing my face, I saw a little black beetle around the rim of the cap. I recoiled, and it spilled down the drain. I guess $180 really did go down the drain. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By dosfan95 - 05/04/2016 00:29 - United States - Leander

Today, my social anxiety was so bad I rewarded myself with a cookie for answering the phone. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous b - 05/04/2016 00:08

Today, I had a threesome with my boyfriend and another girl to see what it was like. I'm bi, and my boyfriend broke up with me because "I eat pussy too well to be into guys". FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

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Top

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

agreeclassic 40 465

vote type 1 3 324

Today, I have pink eye. Four weeks ago I had scabies. I'm an elementary school teacher, and I'm apparently under attack from biological weapons: my students. FML

agreeclassic 43 030

vote type 1 4 404

Today, my flatmate moved in with me. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, so did her mother. FML

agreeclassic 3 842

vote type 1 242

Today, I noticed my 35 year-old boyfriend is starting to take an interest in my 19 year-old sister. They increasingly spend time together and he talks about her all the time like a little boy in love. When I discussed boundaries, he had a fit about how he can have friends and abruptly ended our 4 year relationship. FML

agreeclassic 610

vote type 1 127

Today, as proof that my wife does not belong around me when I’m working, she decided to lean over my shoulder to ask me something, whilst smoking, while I was putting petrol in my lawnmower. She almost blew my face off, then claimed it was my fault for spilling it. STOP SMOKING, WENCH. FML

agreeclassic 431

vote type 1 74

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

agreeclassic 16 586

vote type 1 45 244