Nearly FMLs

By notsorry - 03/04/2016 02:29 - United States - Summit

Today, I got suspended for calling my art teacher out on being a freaking psychopath. He took the painting I had worked on for a whole week and ripped it up because he "didn't like the tone of blue" I used. Let's just say words were exchanged. Names were called. Things were thrown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By allergic - 03/04/2016 02:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out I'm allergic to 16 different things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By LiliK - 03/04/2016 02:27 - United States - El Segundo

Today, I had an anxiety attack. Why? I was worrying about having an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By carmbees - 03/04/2016 02:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, after seven years of trying, I finally secured a spot in a prestigious dance competition. That is, if I could be there ready to compete within the next five minutes. I wasn't even in the same city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 02:11 - United States - Fremont

Today, my mom is mad at me. Apparently, applying to the same college as my sister did is going to "ruin her chances." Confidentially, my sister told me she only wants to attend so she can see her new boyfriend everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Puffle - 03/04/2016 02:05 - South Africa

Today, I walked in on my sister popping her boyfriend's pimples and wiping the resulting puss and blood on my blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 02:03 - United States - Fremont

Today, my sister drank too much and kissed my boyfriend. Soberly, he didn't resist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 02:02 - United States - Lewis Center

Today at work we're taking autism donations. A guy told me he would donate to anything else but not that. Then he asked me who was on my shirt and apologized profusely when I told him it was a dead relative helped by that organization. Still crying but at least he feels like a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ALittleFreak - 03/04/2016 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a big fight, and I cried myself to sleep. I woke up to him violently puking all over the bathtub because he had worked himself up so bad. I've been scrubbing his vomit out if the tub and off of the toilet for 20 minutes.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By shittysister - 03/04/2016 01:45 - United States - Medford

Today, I was told by my mother that my drug-addict, abusive sister whom I've had two restraining orders against will be taking my bedroom because she has a baby and needs it more. I'm in my last semester of college and now suddenly homeless. Oh, and she wants me to keep paying rent. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By nellomellinello - 03/04/2016 01:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I was about the cum when I pushed so hard that I accidentally shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 01:34 - Korea, Republic of - Apo

Today, I was talking to my best friend, and told him about some guy in our school asking me out. My best friend then informed me that two days ago, the guy who asked me out had pestered my best friend about dating the ugliest girl in school. I'm the only girl my best friend has ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 01:32 - United States - Raeford

Today, for the first time an attractive woman saw me with my pants off. Unfortunately she was the nurse during my colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By SadCakes - 03/04/2016 01:16 - United States - South Pasadena

Today, after spending nearly three hours baking and frosting homemade cupcakes for a friend's party tonight, the host texted me saying that the party has been postponed indefinitely. I don't even want to eat the cupcakes anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By I'm 20yrs old - 03/04/2016 01:04 - United States - Grasonville

Today, my father called me stupid and made me feel like a horrible, despicable human being and my mother had the audacity to tell ME to apologize to HIM. All of this because I got a very small, easy to hide tattoo and he hates tattoos. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By jephte00 - 03/04/2016 00:48 - United States - Bridgeport

Today, I was at work at a super market and this guy who was next in line to purchase giggling like a kid. He had 2 items, some drink called assault and some batteries when he was done paying he screams out "You just charged me with assault and battery!" and runs out. Everyone was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 03/04/2016 00:48 - United States - Round Lake

Today, while shopping at the mall, I went into the changing room to try on new clothes. Halfway through changing, I was greeted with two children who decided to take a look underneath the changing room door. They stayed there for a few minutes. No one was nearby to make them stop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By crap car - 03/04/2016 00:36 - United States - Denver

Today, my friends made a plan to hang out without me via group chat that they forgot I was in. Not only do I have bad friends but all my minutes were used.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By looser - 03/04/2016 00:34 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I finally agreed to take a bath with my gf. It all went wrong not when I farted but when she saw a floating piece of poop between us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Jizzboogers - 03/04/2016 00:19 - United States - Irvine

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his recently detailed car when he warned me he was about to come. In an effort to keep the mess minimal, I dove down to swallow. Too bad it ended up in my nostril instead. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fhlakd - 03/04/2016 00:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was painting my room, as I am redecorating, and heard a pounding on my door. I answered and it was my neighbor who said that my garage was on fire. April fool's? Nope. He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By shadowloes - 03/04/2016 00:13 - Netherlands

Today, I celebrated my birthday. I had invited 20+ people. Only 4 showed, of which 2 live in the same house as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By sylveon - 03/04/2016 00:02 - United States - Nashville

Today, I was supposed to go see my fiancé's family who's down for the weekend from North Carolina. Instead I'm stuck home watching my 15 year old sister because my parents don't trust her. They're in Atlanta with my other sister. I'm the only one inconvenienced by this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Nina - 02/04/2016 23:59 - United States - Cranford

Today, I made myself dinner and put my brand new phone next to it then went to the bathroom. When I got out, I realized my dog jumped onto the table and pissed on my dinner and my brand new phone I just got an hour earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 23:23 - United States - Mamaroneck

Today, I went to go pick up my boyfriend from work. We've been having issues so his way of impressing me was to drift in the little company truck, as he smashes into the front of the Boss's truck. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 23:23 - Canada - Frankford

Today, apparently my boyfriend has another girlfriend besides me. I found this out looking at one of my good friends snapchat of them making out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By LOLOLOLOL - 02/04/2016 23:22 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, at a social event, everyone started to make paper aeroplanes to throw around the room. I accidentally hit an old man on the head. He came over to me and started shouting like a crazy man. I told him to calm down as there was kids. He ended up smashing a glass on my head. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By FearPenguins - 02/04/2016 23:20 - United States - Towson

Today, a girl with special needs that goes to my school friended me on Facebook, trying to be nice I accepted. Minutes later, she asked for my number, email, and commented on my profile picture saying how she loves me and wants to date me. I've never even met her let alone want to date her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Netflix and My Sister - 02/04/2016 23:19 - United States - Frisco

Today, my boyfriend invited me over for "Netflix and Chill". I got there early, so I let myself in like I always do. Apparently, to him, Netflix and Chill means having sex with my sister before I come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By virginlimits - 02/04/2016 23:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was having sex with my "virgin" girlfriend for the first time. While we were going at it, she started yelling "HARDER DAVID". My name is Jeff, David is my best friend FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 182

You deserved it 7 761

Today, to save money, I tried following a YouTube tutorial to trim my beard myself. Halfway through, the clippers slipped, and now I have a huge chunk missing in the middle of my chin. I tried to even it out, but it just got worse. Now I look like I lost a fight with a Flymo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 363

Today, my mother messaged me via Facebook me to say that my father had died. They knew since the start of the year but didn't bother to tell me. I live 10 minutes from the hospital he was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 100

Today, after two years of torture being secretly in love with a married woman, two months ago she initiated things and we became lovers. Now she says even if she divorces, she wouldn't want me as a partner, because a honest man would never "do what I'm doing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 2 811

Today, at work, I hooked up with a gorgeous customer in a storage shed. Somehow all my coworkers knew within five minutes, so there’s that, but my direct manager now won’t even look at me because apparently he fancied me himself, but didn’t realise I was a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 1 686

Only a few short days remain until the new season of Game of Thrones begins! The FML Team is pretty excited, in case you couldn't tell.

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 272