Nearly FML

By whoops - 03/04/2016 20:33 - United States - New Britain

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to pick me up and bring me to my bedroom to have fun. He dropped me while going up the stairs, and I slid down about 15 steps. His excuse? I was too fat. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Karmaisabitch - 03/04/2016 20:06 - Germany - Wiehl

Today, I got busted masturbating to a compilation of women being caught while masturbating. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 3

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 20:01 - United States - Abilene

Today, I'm extremely sick. I took a shower hoping it'd make me feel better. I ended up vomiting in the shower, slipping on it, and knocking myself unconscious. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 20:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out my, now ex, girlfriend is great at giving blow jobs after I walked in in her giving one to my dad. He won't stop talking about. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By FedupPerson - 03/04/2016 19:54 - United States - Weedsport

Today, my doctor called to tell me my blood tests say im allergic to only dust. So I ate a celebratory grilled cheese because they were testing me for gluten. Now my whole face is swollen and itchy and it took a week to get it back to normal the first time. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By tori4626 - 03/04/2016 19:53 - United States - Southwest Brevard Cnty

Today, my cat decided to start pushing his food and water bowls onto the floor. He does it every few hours, and it makes a huge mess every time he does it. Then, just to rub it in my face, he eats some of the food off the floor while staring me down. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By smoothkitty - 03/04/2016 19:25 - Canada

Today, I went into early labor. The doctor did not wait for me to get fully dialated, and ended up partially decapitating my son as she pulled him out. I will never get that image out of my head... FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By anonymous - 03/04/2016 19:22 - United States - Danville

Today, I found out a boy in my class accuses me of being lesbian. This boy is my boyfriend.FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 19:22 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I told the guy I've been seeing that I wanted to break up because of the way he had been treating me. He then said so many mean things back to me that I ended up apologizing to him...and then he broke up with me. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By SenseiSteven - 03/04/2016 19:18 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I tried to open the door to my room with my chin because my hands were full. The handle sprung into my eye and I slipped on my food. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 19:17 - Italy - Mogliano Veneto

today I accidentally sent a whole album of nudes to my whatsapp family group. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 3

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 19:06 - United States - Tacoma

Today I found out that my high school class produced someone famous. A hardcore gay porn star. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Stuck in a decision - 03/04/2016 19:03 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my mom wants me to visit for a while, my girlfriend wants me to visit as well. I said I could do both just not in one day and now I have two women mad at me. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 18:55 - United States - Big Stone Gap

Today, my sister asked me to babysit her demon spawn of a child, claiming she would pay me double what she already owes me. Of course I agreed. Now, she's denying ever adding on the second amount and refuses to pay it. My parents are on her side. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 18:49 - United States - Portland

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate. Once all our clothes were off, my girlfriend, forgetting about our new roommate, starts crying out for help as part of our role-play. He comes running in, see what is happening, grabs me, pins me down, and starts to repetitively punch me. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Kayyoungsterr - 03/04/2016 18:45 - United States - Spring

Today, at my family's produce stand, I was holding my nephew when my crush walked up. I went to put my nephew down and realized he had a complete blowout that leaked out onto my white shirt, and then proceeded to throw up onto my face. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By shittysister - 03/04/2016 18:42 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, my mother told me my childhood depression made her hate me. The reason I was depressed? She neglected me. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By anthonydpalm - 03/04/2016 18:39 - United States - Bethlehem

Today, after a trip to my uncle's house, my little brother won't stop trying to punch me in the balls. This is because my dickhead of a cousin showed him how "funny" my reaction would be by punching me in the balls himself. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By shittysister - 03/04/2016 18:32 - United States

Today, I said goodbye to my mother. She didn't die, I just found out she's been giving the money I've sent her to my 27 y/o, high school dropout, drug addict, abusive sister because she has a baby and needs it. She's confessed she only had the kid so she didn't get kicked out of the house. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By WTFHeHasWeed - 03/04/2016 18:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while my parents were renovating our house, they found the secret stash of weed and cocaine my brother has been smoking and selling for 2 years. They also found a Ricola wrapper belonging to me. Guess who's grounded until he's in college? FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By _lifemyfuck_ - 03/04/2016 18:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I received a phone call from my mother in the other room. I answered it, only to realize within a few moments that she butt dialed me. How did I find out? I don't think she meant to call me just so I can hear her moans.. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By anjie_mackney - 03/04/2016 18:14 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my ex decided he no longer owes me my $800 because I moved away for school. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By lexluither3365 - 03/04/2016 18:10 - United States - Lockport

Today, I saw this really cute guy at the store so I started talking to him and got his number. We sent nudes. Well, went to church this morning.....he's my cousin. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 4

By LowLifeKid - 03/04/2016 17:59 - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I found ants in my armpit hair. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By anonymous - 03/04/2016 17:57 - United States - New Orleans

Today, me and my wife were having some time to ourselves, she bounced too hard and my Wang went into her butthole, I almost broke my dick. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By cheeecracker - 03/04/2016 17:54 - United Kingdom - Great Sutton

Today, I finally gave in to the sexual tension between my friend and I and we had sex. With us having a connection and so much sexual tension I expected it to be amazing and intense. It wasn't. It lasted barely 3 minutes and it was ridiculously awkward. What am I meant to do now? FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By FMLMaximus - 03/04/2016 17:53 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, my high school sweetheart informed me that his own wife told him that he "fucked up" by leaving me. FML.

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 1

By sarika - 03/04/2016 17:41 - United States - De Pere

Today, while staying at my boyfriend's college dorm, I decided to take out his overflowing trash. Halfway down the hall, a used condoms fell out of the bag. We have never had sex. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By sigh - 03/04/2016 17:26 - United States - Plano

Today, I figured out that my friend had been using my pictures to "catifish" this guy online. Now I know why I'm getting Instagram stalked. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 17:11 - United States - Jenkins

Today, I went to take a shower in my apartment. There were no clean towels when I got out. My laundry room is downstairs. Just as I start down the stairs, naked and soaked, I ran face first into the buildings maintenance man who had let himself in to fix something because he thought I wasn't home.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

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Today, I visited my grandma like I do every other day to tell her that I love her, and to remind her that Bud Light and Marlboro Lights is NOT part and what her doctor meant when he placed her on a "light diet." FML

agreeclassic 387

vote type 1 90

Today, my boyfriend claims he found a way of spending time with my son without actually spending time with him. They play hide and seek, and for a long time as he shouts, “I’m gonna find you” every few minutes. The game can last over an hour while he watches TV without interruptions. Genius or asshole? FML

agreeclassic 1 574

vote type 1 293

Today, after always laughing when my mom told me to avoid dating any guy with green eyes and thinking it was some weird prejudice, she told me the truth. My father cheated and had at least six other kids. They all have green eyes and look alike. FML

agreeclassic 1 039

vote type 1 93

Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

agreeclassic 24 781

vote type 1 52 196

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

agreeclassic 30 493

vote type 1 5 198

Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML

agreeclassic 2 688

vote type 1 332