Nearly FMLs

By LongLiveHeda - 04/04/2016 18:30

Today, I found the book I've been working on for over a decade, covered in dog vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Lil_Bit26 - 04/04/2016 18:13 - United States - Houston

Today, my parents found out I'm sexually active. We were all sitting at the dinner table when, from the other room, our family parrot started moaning and screaming my boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

By somegirl1234 - 04/04/2016 18:05 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, the guy I have been seeing is going back to his ex. He has been trying to get her back for 11 months and she declined, until she found out we are together, now she "loves him" and "cannot live without him". All of this after he assured me he was over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 17:57

Today, I googled "1989" to research historic events that took place that year. The first search result was a Taylor Swift album. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By FilleNoir - 04/04/2016 17:51 - United States

Today, my anti-socialness has gotten to the point where my mom pays me to hang out with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 17:42 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I went to the doctor because of a stomach flu. I stressed to them multiple times that I'm highly allergic to Codeine. They ended up giving me Codeine filled medicine anyways. I've been vomiting for 13 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By SocietyAtItsBest - 04/04/2016 17:41 - United States - Houston

Today in my 6th hour class, my classmate thought it would be funny to turn off the lights since the teacher wasn't in the room. Being a pretty dark skinned girl, two students got out flashlights and tried to "find me". All while my boyfriend was in the room probably laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By MissLG - 04/04/2016 17:38 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, is my first day back to work and my boss is already harassing me to smile and be cheerful. When I told him that I was tired, he replied with "How?! You've had an entire week off!" I just got back to work after major surgery, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By kdh - 04/04/2016 17:24 - United States

Today, I realized my husband will go to any length to talk to other women and hide it from me. Including on this app. We're expecting a baby in 8 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By sammysucks - 04/04/2016 17:20 - United States - Redding

Today, I went on a great date with this guy I was seeing for a while now. After I fell asleep in his bed I woke up to him leaving and I asked what he was doing. He said I snore too loud and is sleeping on the couch. He hasnt returned my messages since and its been 5 days.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By bornagainvcard - 04/04/2016 17:06 - Canada - Surrey

Today, the most action I've seen in over a year and a half is my dog licking my face when she's happy to see me. I could probably deal with that a little better if I wasn't married.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By SoTired - 04/04/2016 16:51 - United States - Clemson

Today, I was woken up at 6:30 in the morning by my asshole of a roommate watching Netflix. On my TV. This has been happening for the past 2 weeks no matter how much I tell him to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By fuckyouguys - 04/04/2016 16:38 - United States - Denton

Today, we had the reading of my grandmother's will. She split her estate 3 ways between the families of her 3 children. The problem is that includes her home and the 100 acres it is on, which can't be divided into 3. It's been 15 minutes and there have been multiple brawls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By best friends... NOT - 04/04/2016 16:34 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got sued for breaking my friends car. That would be fine if the car was his, but actually it was mine, he was just borrowing it. I got sued for breaking my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By student - 04/04/2016 16:29 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was given detention for having explicit words written on my notebook. I was holding my friends stuff while she went to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ChiefKoala - 04/04/2016 16:08 - United States - Rockwood

Today, my dad started yelling me, called me a faggot, and said i was going to hell because i was looking a book that had pictures of breasts. It was my lifetime wellness book, and i was taking an online exam on chronic diseases. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 3

By numbat97 - 04/04/2016 16:07 - Australia - Canning Vale

Today, working in the servicing area at a car dealership, an old Italian homeless guy dropped off his car that he lives in. When I drove it round back, instead of grabbing the hand break I mistakenly grabbed the biggest dildo I've ever seen. I jumped out screaming as the car was still rolling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By 4lphab3t4 - 04/04/2016 16:02 - United Kingdom - Ruislip

Today, my dad was annoyed at me for doing badly in a video game. If that wasn't stupid enough, it was a scripted event in the game's story. He won't accept this, and is withholding dinner because of my "failure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Sooji99 - 04/04/2016 16:01 - United States - Columbus

Today, my girlfriend was waiting for me when I came home from work. She looked pissed, so I asked what was wrong. Apparently, there is no way that I wear fruit of the loom underwear, so I am automatically cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Workaholic - 04/04/2016 15:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided I needed some time off so rang in work sick. I was surprised to find out that my boss likes the chicken they sell in the restaurant we where in too, when he walked in and started using the urinal next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By ccc - 04/04/2016 15:53 - Australia - Perth

Today, I had really bad gas. My friend came over and as he was leaving, I needed to let out a huge fart. I thought I was safe until I was halfway to the bathroom when I accidentally let rip. It echoed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Sigma777 - 04/04/2016 15:51 - United States - Powder Springs

Today, my sister spent over $100 of our dad's money on groceries for herself. She was only suppose to run in for a case of soda for cooking. Somehow, I feel that I'm going to get blamed for giving her the card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By uhmhaicats - 04/04/2016 15:41 - United States

Today, I went through my boyfriend's Web browser history on his phone while he was sleeping. All I found was a bunch of different times he looked up my best friend's nude modeling page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By Unfertile-mertel - 04/04/2016 15:34 - United States - Monroe

Today, after 3 years of trying to conceive with my husband and being unsuccessful, a friend has gotten pregnant on her first try with a guy she's been with for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By silverpyramid - 04/04/2016 14:56 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, for the 3rd straight month a creepy kid at my school spent an hour holding me back and telling me he bought me on ebay. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By TiredAndFrustrated - 04/04/2016 14:47 - United States - College Station

Today, after leaving class early because I was to tired to focus, I come back to my room to find the lights on and my roommate talking loudly on the phone in Spanish. This is the same roommate who stays up till 3 while I have 8 AMs and never leaves the room. She should have been in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Disney Freak - 04/04/2016 14:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my bf arrived at Disneyworld (the place of my dreams) for Spring Break. What's my Spring Break like? Working full time while being on my period. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 14:07 - United States - Boston

Today, my mom decided to make me my favorite cake. This would be great if I wasn't told I had celiac disease a few days ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 13:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother in law asked my husband if I was pregnant because I "looked about 6 months pregnant." I'm 5'10" and 160lbs. She's just barely 5'5" and at least 400lbs. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 04/04/2016 13:33

Today I got my laptop back from the repair shop which was sent to get a key replaced, I was told it would take minimum 4 days and maximum 2 weeks. 4 weeks later I get it back and the battery doesn't work, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I tried to compliment a girl at my gym by saying, “Wow, you’re really strong!” She smiled and said, “Thanks.” Then, probably to be polite, she said, “You’re really… trying.” That was her actual word choice. I went home and considered canceling my membership, but I found out that it's designed to be almost impossible to leave the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 171

Today, I jacked off out of boredom and loneliness to pictures on Instagram of girls in their hot Halloween costumes, because I'm such a loser that I haven't been invited to a party, and have no one that wants me to go with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 438

Today, my best friend announced her engagement to my ex. We broke up two days ago. I’m no longer speaking to her. She tells me I’m being a drama queen and to “stop throwing a pity party” because “If he was the one he would still be with you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 127

Today, I thought it would be hot to go down on my girlfriend while she was playing a video game on the PC. Unfortunately, someone killed her in game and she wheeled the chair forward in anger, right into my nuts. It took her a few seconds to notice, then she blamed me for getting her killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 731

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 921

You deserved it 5 567

Today, I blurted out “Love you, bye!” at the end of a professional phone call. There was a long pause before he replied, “Uh… thank you for your help?” My coworkers heard everything. I'm now scared of my work phone ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 249