Nearly FML

By sadsinglemom - 03/04/2016 17:00 - United States - Vicksburg

Today, I was abruptly evicted from my house when my roommate was stealing the rent instead of paying it. Now my two kids and I are staying in a single bedroom of a friend's house. 1 adult 1 toddler 1 newborn in 1 tiny room...25 days left to find a place to live.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By interviewed - 03/04/2016 16:34 - Venezuela - San Antonio De Los Altos

Today I had my first ever job interview. I read online that teens should wear casual clothes to the interview, and so I did. Turns out, that when we had to discuss dress code; I was breaking every single rule there was for men on the contract. I should have put on a suit, FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 3

By Samantha - 03/04/2016 16:18 - United States - Hackensack

Today, my boyfriend and I planned on having sex because it's been a while. I woke up with a stomach virus and my period. I almost threw up on his dick while going down on him. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 16:16 - United States - Fullerton

Today, my girl friends level of feminism hit a new level of crazy after she told me "All men deserve to be kicked in the balls, because us women have it so much worse." She said this because I bought a new groin protector for my MMA class. She was genuinely upset. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By sadblufly - 03/04/2016 16:08 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was getting frisky with my boyfriend. He decided it was time for a condom so I reached into my backpack to get one, but instead accidentally grabbed a small bag of my recently deceased grandfather's ashes. I started weeping uncontrollably and he started nudging me with his boner. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Lepisma - 03/04/2016 16:07 - United States - College Station

Today, my coworker called in sick. I told her no big deal, just find a replacement. 14 phone calls, 5 hours, 19 dogs, 5 cats, 6 baths, 5 poops, and 4 diarrhea puddles later, I finished my shift just in time to start the next one. My other coworkers are still either out of town or not answering. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Realm of Shadows - 03/04/2016 16:04 - United States - Mamaroneck

Today, I found out the hard way to never move with my bf again. After he got his computer and the tv set up, he threw a temper tantrum because his back hurt and he didn't want to do anymore moving. I guess I'll go get the other 3/4 of our belongings alone. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Yakattack - 03/04/2016 16:02

Today, I was hanging out with a friend who had let me know that he was having money troubles. Trying to be nice, I gave him £20 and told him to buy us both dinner, since he has no food. He came back with nothing but fried chicken and 2 meat pizzas. I've been a vegetarian my whole life. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Author - 03/04/2016 16:01 - United States - Guilford

Today, I heard my dad say to my mom, "Weren't we planning on doing something later today?" To which she replied, "But all the kids are here." Then my dad said, "It's fine, there all in the basement, they couldn't hear you moan." I think that they forgot that I was in the same room as them. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Buckbeak - 03/04/2016 15:54 - United States

Today, my mother became so obsessed with having spotless bathrooms in the house, she suggested that I start using a bucket to shit and piss in so there's no risk of "dirtying up the place". FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 14:41 - United States - Westfield

Today, I was visiting my parents in Florda after not seeing them for 5 years. I decided to suprise them and not tell them I was coming. I walk in their house to find my mother giving head to my father in the middle of the kitchen FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

By The_Bitch_Next_Door - 03/04/2016 14:39 - United States - Sausalito

Today, my mother walked in on me giving my boyfriend a blowjob... FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By GingerSnap98 - 03/04/2016 14:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a 9 1/2 hour plane ride back to America. An extremely overweight person was behind me, and for the whole 9 1/2 hours every time he breathed his stomach pushed against the back of my already uncomfortable seat. Next time I'm definitely flying first class. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By george_s_4 - 03/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Woodside

Today, I found out a girl who rejected me when I asked her out is the daughter of a girl who went to high school with my dad. I found out after we saw her and her mom while walking and my dad stopped and had a long conversation with her mom. I was forced to sit there and try not to look at her. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By karma - 03/04/2016 14:21 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my son and I were in the movie theater when the kid behind me kept kicking my chair. I turned around to tell his mom but she just kept saying,"not MY son! He wouldn't do that." This went on for another hour until my son turned and hit the boy. I said,"not MY son, he wouldn't do that." FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By dreams - 03/04/2016 14:17 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, I realized just how sad my life is when I woke up from the best dream I've had in months. What was the dream about you ask? I brought my GPA up just enough to get a discount on my car insurance. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Sam3108 - 03/04/2016 14:03 - India - Bangalore

Today, I finished writing my math paper one hour early and decided to take a nap. Then five minutes before the teacher collected it, I realized that I forgot to write one side of the paper. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

By FML - 03/04/2016 14:00

Today, I had a dream where I had sex with a girl in the woods, everything went perfectly fine until I woke up with all my friends standing around me with video cameras, apparently I moaned so loud I woke everyone up, did I forget to mention I showed everyone my dick, FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By . - 03/04/2016 13:59 - United States - Bedford

Today i walked into the house to find my boyfriend and his best friend having a lightsaber fight with glow-in-the-dark condoms on their junk. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 13:37

Today, I was excited after getting a cute guys number. My dad then told me he could help me get a date, and proceeded to tell me all I had to do was bathe more, wear more makeup, and style my hair better. I am a grown woman and I take excellent care of myself and dress my best every day. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By notorious_me - 03/04/2016 12:47 - Greece - ?rma

Today, I am 34 and I still have to watch cartoons, funny youtube videos or part of a comedy movie before I go to sleep, after I have watched a terror/scary/violent film. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 12:47 - United States - Inverness

Today, I had a cut on my face and all I saw in the house to use as ointment was my brother's tattoo salve. I started applying it and he ended up walking by, turning beet-red, and saying "There's probably a pube or two in that jar." FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By NateHQ - 03/04/2016 12:01 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my pregnant girlfriend is about to start her third trimester. We were getting hot and heavy on the couch when we decided to take things to the bedroom. As much as we were enjoying ourselves, I don't think the baby was. He kicked me square in the stomach, mid thrust. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By ladle - 03/04/2016 11:23 - United Kingdom - Fordham

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses. I saw a beautiful one and tried it on, I needed the restroom really bad so went, wearing the dress. I was on the toilet and got my toilet roll, but I got mixed up and accidentally wiped with the corner of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 11:20 - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I was walking upstairs at my work when a customer behind me asked for assistance. Forgetting that I was still on the staircase I went to walk forward and fell straight onto the floor. I still had to help them FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 11:16 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today I was walking to a job interview when a dog decided to take a shit right on my new leather shoes. I had to do a job interview smelling like shit. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By nkwacky - 03/04/2016 10:51

Today, I found out that I came out to my best friend and confessed my feelings for him when I was drunk last month. I had forgotten all about it and have been pretending to be straight in front of him ever since. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By moosecrofts - 03/04/2016 10:22 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, the package my long-distance boyfriend got me finally arrived! Too bad he put his name on it when ordering. The front desk refuses to give me my package and won't let me prove that my boyfriend bought it. Let's hope we get it refunded. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By lifegoeson - 03/04/2016 09:47 - United States - Miami

Today, I went on a date with this guy. I brought my best friend along because I didn't want to meet him alone. The date went wonderful, I haven't had this much fun in a long time and he seemed very interested in me. The night ended with him screwing my best friend in front of me. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

By Someone1111 - 03/04/2016 09:18 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me, because i didn't want to buy a shirt with Taylor Swift's face all over it. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

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Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML

agreeclassic 11 684

vote type 1 23 272

Today, in basketball practice my coach was putting is in teams to run drills. He points to me and says, "You, go babysit my son by the stage." FML

agreeclassic 32 166

vote type 1 3 039

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

agreeclassic 29 233

vote type 1 53 287

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 Monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

agreeclassic 16 931

vote type 1 51 605

Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML

agreeclassic 6 627

vote type 1 1 605

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

agreeclassic 48 266

vote type 1 7 154