Nearly FMLs

By srahsrah - 29/04/2016 03:46 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I'm more into the best man from my wedding (3 years ago) than I am my husband: which is not at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 30

By BrokeasF - 29/04/2016 03:43 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I'm moving from my house that I was renting with my roommates. They asked for Internet $ and of course I said sure, how much? Turns out they spent twice as much than usual on a "superior plan" wasted streaming while I only use internet for university. I love how I pay for their free time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 12

By goodgirlfaith - 29/04/2016 03:41 - United States - Pana

Today, at work (a furniture store), I was helping a customer out with a chair. As I was on my way out the door, an older women looks at her husband and says, "Don't let her carry that herself! She's pregnant!" I am not pregnant, I just happened to be wearing yoga pants and a stretchy tank top. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 9

By Symphoniaes - 29/04/2016 03:40 - United States - Olathe

Today, it marks the 36th week of my pregnancy. I found out that on top of my 9-month long case of Hyperemesis as well as a complication in baby's growth rate and high-risk of early delivery, I also have strep that's now passed on to the baby and can't be treated until labour. 4 weeks to go! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 5

By idiot friend - 29/04/2016 03:38 - United States - Hartfield

Today, my friend called me to see if we could play with an oijia board next week when we hang out. The second I hit enter on Google for them power went out, the TV stopped working and my dog shakes when I pick her up. Guess who's probably possessed by a demon. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 13

By ireallyneedahousekey - 29/04/2016 03:20 - United States - Rocky Point

Today, my boyfriend accidentally locked me out for 3 hours, in 90 degree heat, beside a trash fire, with no phone, and burning chapped lips. A cold sore had been blooming, and I couldn't get to the ointment in the house. Ooze actually dripped down my chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

By garibu - 29/04/2016 03:18 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I jumped on to the bus and hopped into the only available seat which a small child had just vacated. Upon sitting down I could feel a wet substance seeping through into my pants. As it turns out the child had peed himself and I was now sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

By BloodAndGore - 29/04/2016 03:14 - United States

Today, marks a week since I've been married and 3 months since we've had sex. This also marks 3 months that I've been on my period.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2

By lokigirl666 - 29/04/2016 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, i made a new "friend". he has been following me around making sexual jokes and making creepy observations. i finally told him he was a creep and he responded with an enthusiastic "thank you". he is currently still standing next to me trying to continue a conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 34

By V? - 29/04/2016 02:58 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on my little sisters iPad. Only to find when I got onto the Internet the history was opened with the search "naked girl pics" She's 6.

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 17

By showerstalker - 29/04/2016 02:49 - United States - Denver

Today, I was taking a normal shower when my sister opened the door. I had it locked, so I had no idea how she got in, until I saw the screwdriver in her hand. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 16

By iwillreapyou - 29/04/2016 02:47 - United States

Today, at my friends work I went to use the restroom and I managed to drop my keys in the toilet. I left the restroom to find something to grab them out. When I got back the toilet was full of crap. I managed to get my keys out. While washing them off I dropped them down the sink drain. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 02:45

Today, I found another dead bird in my mom's aviary. It's the third dead bird in a month since my mom has been on holiday! She is gone for another month. I don't know what to do, except hope no more dies on my watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 8

By OCDalyn - 29/04/2016 02:40 - Canada

Today, I was doing some farm work on a tractor. The windshield was getting dirty so I hopped onto the tractor tire to wipe it off with a rag. When I finished I lost my balance and grabbed the first thing I could reach: the exhaust stack. The burn hurt right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 11

By anon - 29/04/2016 02:36 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I started dog sitting for this lady who was going to be out of town for a week. one of the dogs died on the first day I got there...

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 7

By PekaChu - 29/04/2016 02:34 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Today, I went for my road test. It was going good until my parallel park. I accidentally drove up on to the curb, and then I hit the gas while it was still in reverse. The person grading my driving screamed. I got an automatic fail. At least everything else was good! FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 20

By buh_ree4 - 29/04/2016 02:34 - United States - Washington

Today, I had sex with my coworker. Over the past few weeks, we had been getting closer and I thought he was starting to like me. After we had sex, he told me he thought of me like a sister... I have no idea what to make of that after what had just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 16

By iatetoomuchcereal - 29/04/2016 02:33 - United States - Dublin

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when what I thought would be a silent fart was not. "I think I just shit myself," was a sentence I never thought I would say to him.

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 14

By katsapple1 - 29/04/2016 02:31 - Canada - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend finally chose to go into the navy. I was proud of her but right when she was telling me, she added, "Oh by the way, I'm breaking up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

By anonymous - 29/04/2016 02:30 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I realized no matter what I try, I can't stimulate my clitorus. I get more pleasure cleaning my ears. My clitorus is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 4

By gamewizard - 29/04/2016 02:20 - United States - Auburn

Today, a girl complimented me on how big my boobs are. This would be good if I wasn't a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 9

By chuckmaddah - 29/04/2016 02:19 - Australia - Hawker

Today, I woke up to an insect invasion of 150 acid spitting caterpillars on my patio. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 5

By Scrub my mouth out - 29/04/2016 02:19 - United States - Toledo

Today, I sat down to enjoy some nice strawberry cheesecake from a Kroger container. As I took a bite, it seemed oddly moister than usual. Shrugging it off, I take another bite, which was worse, so I look down. Whoever took some decided to put it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 4

By me - 29/04/2016 02:11 - United States - Wareham

Today, my mom ate my specially bought bread for my health problems. It was the last loaf I could afford, being in college and all. She refuses to buy me a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 4

By XxNikixX - 29/04/2016 01:44 - Guyana - Georgetown

Today, My son made a pepper spray.Guess who he tested it on.FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 5

By Becca34 - 29/04/2016 01:19 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I decided to take a relaxing bath to get over the stress of exams. After lighting the candles, I went to put the bath salts in. While leaning over, my hair fell out of its ponytail and went straight into the flame. Parts of my hair fell out and my whole bathroom smells like dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 9

By Noseblender - 29/04/2016 01:10 - United States - Earlysville

Today, I got an extremely sensitive pimple right below my nose. Today also seems to be the day that I got a horrible cold that causes me to sneeze every 2 minutes. My nose feels like it's in a blender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 6

By CastBoundPit - 29/04/2016 00:57 - United States - Cordova

Today, I saw my 15 year old son trying to suck his dick. I asked him why, then he ignored me then started masturbating. Later I heard him scream my name while he orgasmed.

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 31

By blendedones - 29/04/2016 00:25 - United States - Bronx

Today, my boyfriend and I were going it at it. No one was home, so I took advantage of the situation and decided what the hell, let's get loud. Only to hear his mother out of nowhere say "Well Alright!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 8

By imafunghoul - 28/04/2016 20:09 - United States - Royersford

Today, I had a horrible headache as I was in the car with my mother. Her constant talking was making the headache worse but I didn't want to be mean and tell her to stop talking, so I turned the radio up a little to get her to take a hint to be quiet. She is now just yelling over the music. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 5

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The Top

Today, after finishing work and collecting my bag from my locker, I yawned as my manager came to ask me a question. She yelled at me for yawning. She then told others that I have a chronic yawning problem at work and need medical intervention. I can't even yawn once after a long tiring day on my own time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 98

Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 696

You deserved it 7 494

Today, my husband got home on my birthday and told me he went overboard and bought a real expensive gift for his favourite girl. He then turned round and gave the real expensive gift to the girl in question, his 3 year-old niece. It’s not even her birthday. I got fuck all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 116

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 5 735

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 593

You deserved it 19 508

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 536

You deserved it 3 218