Nearly FMLs

By smellyface - 29/04/2016 17:16 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I was wiping myself, when out of reflex I went to cover my mouth when I sneezed, unfortunately I used the hand I had been wiping with at the time. It was at the start of my 10 hour shift.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 7

By ohgodwhy - 29/04/2016 17:16 - United States - Rising Sun

Today, I caught my dad jerking it to Ted Cruz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 9

By nothinglefthere - 29/04/2016 17:08

Today, my soon to be ex-husband decided to use my phone records to text everyone I text that I am married and to back off his property. My supervisors included. We aren't together anymore, haven't been for awhile but my current boyfriend doesn't believe me. Hello singlehood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 17:06 - United States - Riverside

Today, I have severe period cramps and I'm about to start a full day shift working in retail FML.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 35

By charliethesteele - 29/04/2016 17:05 - United Kingdom - Bedford

Today, as always, my girlfriend and I are comfortable enough to pee with the other in the room. However, after putting the seat up and beginning, the hinge broke, and the shock of it falling caused me to piss all over the floor and my girlfriend before righting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 16:50 - United Kingdom - Beckenham

Today, my boyfriend came round for the first time. We've only just started dating. We were sitting and chatting everything was going great when, without warning, I did the loudest fart of my life. He laughed but I was so embaressed I started crying which just made everything worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 83

By Not Ready - 29/04/2016 16:39 - United States

Today, it's only my second week of work at my new job as a housekeeper for an assisted living home. Instead of cleaning the room I got called to go clean I got to see my favorite resident die in front of me.

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 38

By RobertVegas95 - 29/04/2016 16:35 - Mexico - Morelos

Today, I had a romantic moment with my lifetime crush and one of my best friends. We were having a blast at our date and when I drove her home and right when we were about to make out, the seatbelts got stuck and she took it as a signal that it shouldn't happen and walked away, FML!

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 40

By anonymous - 29/04/2016 16:18 - United States - Amherst

Today, I have a very important final exam worth 40% of my grade. I'm also battling IBS and dealing with an uncontrollable upset stomach. I can't study for the exam because my stomach hurts so bad, and not being able to study is stressing me out, making my IBS worse. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 18

By Fern - 29/04/2016 15:55 - United States - Fargo

Today, I went to the doctor's because of a cough. When the nurse was taking my blood pressure, it was so low that she said, "Oh, you might be dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 28

By clean hair - 29/04/2016 15:40 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was getting his broken ankle seen at the hospital I sat back all the way in my chair causing the automatic hand sanitizer to squirt germ-x into my hair. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 64

By brokenwonders - 29/04/2016 15:35 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I went to ask my boyfriend's bestfriend for relationship advice. Just to find out, his bestfriend is in love with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 42

By mrscori95 - 29/04/2016 15:31 - United States

Today, while I was slowly waking up, my boyfriend turned over and punched me in the nose while he was still sleeping. Now I have to go run errands with bruises on my face. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 21

By mybutthurts - 29/04/2016 15:26

Today, I'm on my period and I have explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 39

By nioclas_hav - 29/04/2016 15:12 - Ireland

Today, I showed my son a picture of my brother who died 15 years ago. My son says when he sees the picture, 'Daddy I know that man. He talks to me sometimes. His name is Pauric.' My son is 3 years old and I've never talked about Pauric before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 31

By deejay_rayray - 29/04/2016 15:09 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, a very special person in my life decided to throw a fit because I didn't put sprinkles on the sugar cookies. there was full blown tears. he's 26. fml

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 10

By autoimmune cupcake - 29/04/2016 15:08 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, I realized that I get sick much more easily at a small sweets shop (where I work alone and clean everything) than I ever did when I worked at a Hospital Emergency Room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

By anonymous - 29/04/2016 15:01 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, I bought my very first new car. I thought I was being pretty clever using the reverse camera to make sure I had pulled far enough into the garage, until I accidentally left it in reverse and backed into the garage door, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 12

By anonymous - 29/04/2016 14:58 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, I was marked down on my final class presentation for going over the time limit. Why did I go over? Because the teacher kept asking me questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 6

By cutegrl14 - 29/04/2016 14:54 - United States

Today, I was shaving down there and my razor must have had a short because it burst into flames,being that I was a little hairy the flames just seemed to spread with ease.You imagine how fun it was having to explain to laughing ER docs how I got second degree burns in "Girl World." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 14:45 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I had sex with my cousin when we were both drunk. At first it was awkward but now we're super attracted to each other and have talked bout dating. So now I either go around depressed and miserable we're not together or we become a couple and her dad and my dad both murder me painfully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 32

By Bookworm1426 - 29/04/2016 14:36 - India - Indore

Today, I repaired my phone which was in disrepair for a few. This was good news and I was considerably cheered up, which is rare. Until I found out I no longer remember the pattern lock I put on it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 15

By jesus take the wheel - 29/04/2016 14:33 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend, and I couldn't be happier. Not even two hours later, my best friend texted me, confessing his love for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 8

By doublyscrewed - 29/04/2016 14:27 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, the business that was my last chance in this county to get away from my abusive boss declined to hire me and told my boss that I had applied there. He won't fire me. He'll just make work a living hell until I quit and have to move, leaving all my friends and family behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 7

By melloncollie - 29/04/2016 14:26 - United States - Atascadero

Today, my sister told me that the way I do my makeup makes me look ugly. I don't wear makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 8

By Unfortunate Guy - 29/04/2016 14:13 - United States - Jamaica

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I made a commitment to lose weight because I make her look fat when we stand next to each other, she's 26 and is an avid runner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 8

By Hair cuy - 29/04/2016 13:40 - Philippines - Philippine

Today I was in riding in a bus, sporting my new undercut hair style and wearing a dress. A little kid pointed out to me and asked his mom why I had this haircut and the mom glared at me and told her kid "If you don't study properly.. you'll end up like that person." The kid started crying... FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 86

By FlowerVacuum - 29/04/2016 13:29 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I told my brother to put his phone down while he was driving. Instead, he got mad and kept texting. Until he drifted into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 48

By tippyfox - 29/04/2016 13:04 - Switzerland - Lugano

Today, I got food poisoning from my school's lunch and can't stop vomiting. My period also happened to start today. Prom is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 36

By lscottygl - 29/04/2016 12:50 - United States - Coraopolis

Today, I noticed my usb drive that I use for school was a little bent. With finals next week and important files on my drive that I need for said finals. I decided to back up my usb drive and in the process I deleted everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 85

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The Top

Today, at the store, I went to the self checkout then dumbly tried to activate the touchscreen, without touching it. I stood there wondering why it wasn't turning on before realizing I hadn't touched the thing to turn it on, like I was going to get shocked by the screen or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 232

Today, I got a new job. This would've been a good thing, but apparently, the person I'm replacing was very well-liked around my workplace. All of my co-workers hate me now for replacing someone who I don't even know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 131

Today, my teacher began to explain Veterans' Day and why it's on 11/11 to a new student from Iran. He said he already knew, but this was news to almost everyone else in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 218

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 335

You deserved it 4 967

Today, I told the guy I've liked since we were children that I'm madly in love with him. He replied with, "Aw, I love you too, as a sister." I was speechless. He patted me on the back and said, "Better luck next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 053

You deserved it 6 590

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 821

You deserved it 4 620