Nearly FMLs

By your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man - 06/05/2016 19:09 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today,I finally decided to tell people that I'm a lesbian. now my sister won't stop making gay jokes. I said "wow your cat really likes me" she said "it's because he knows you like pussy"

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 20

By But I Love Him - 06/05/2016 19:07 - United States - Haymarket

Today, my boyfriend's mother wants us to break up because she has no confidence in our relationship, and believes I am using him, which I'm not. She doesn't seem understand that we genuinely love each other, and refuses to listen to what he tells her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 16

By LonelyGay - 06/05/2016 19:06 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, following my therapists advice, I attempted to get closer with the few friends I have at school to help overcome my clinical depression. This led to the only two people I've been confident enough to hang out with in two years telling me they hate me but where to nice to tell me until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 6

By ohaiikitty - 06/05/2016 19:05 - Australia - Tarneit

Today, I stayed at my friends place after a night out. Little did I know that his room mate had changed bedrooms until after I was spread-eagled on the bed, half nude... Fml

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 8

By DizazterPiece - 06/05/2016 18:53 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after a long goodbye and our first "I love you's" at the airport my girlfriend set off for the University of Michigan. When I arrived home I went to check emails on my computer to get my mind off things. Except it wasn't my email I was in it was hers. She's talking to someone already. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 06/05/2016 18:21 - United States - Spearfish

Today, I got an invitation to a baby shower for my super hormonal friend. The date she picked also falls on the same day of another friends wedding. I have already paid for a hotel and flight. Time to break the news that I can't attend the baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 47

By if - 06/05/2016 18:16 - United States - Denver

Today, I went to the doctors. I peed in a cup and got a shot and they told me to wait for further instructions. I waited in the room for almost an hour and no one came in. I opened the door and it turns out they forgot I was still there. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 45

By forfucksake365 - 06/05/2016 15:38 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was walking to school and was certain I was alone. I started to sing but realized a gorgeous girl was walking behind me. I didn't even try to play it off and started to run.FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 51

By hfd521 - 06/05/2016 15:21 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my wife informed me that she would be happy if she never had sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 33

By beam20 - 06/05/2016 15:07 - Canada - Gatineau

Today I thought it would be nice to call my sister and ask her to have lunch, I called her work number and said "Hi ugly" and her boss replied who is this?? I had to explain myself to my sisters boss.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 67

By Gonner37 - 06/05/2016 15:01 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend is going to prom with someone else, we're both gay guys, he choose to ditch me and go with a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 40

By Therid - 06/05/2016 14:34 - Denmark

Today, as I was walking with my mum in a supermarket, a small kid pointed to my blue hair and said: "Look at that guy!". My mom then remarked to him, that my hair is horrible. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 42

By Nyomi12 - 06/05/2016 14:29 - United States - Oxford

Today, my drunk brother woke me up when he called me from jail. I went down there to see if it was worth bailing him out, and found out that he had found a coyote, and got it to follow him into a PetSmart. And coyote bit him when he tried to put it into a little sweater. I share genes with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 43

By momlife - 06/05/2016 14:24 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my pregnancy hormones kicked in full force. I had a meltdown because I love my one year old daughter so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 47

By DoomsDay - 06/05/2016 14:23

Today, I realized that even though I'm marrying my fiancée in 2 weeks, I don't even love her any more. The only reason I'm doing it is because I don't want to upset her or her family, because they think I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 120

You deserved it 18 293

By cc456789 - 06/05/2016 14:21 - United States - Kansas City

Today,my teacher was trying to help me fill out a resume for future job applications, he told me it's going to be very useful. When I thought he had walked away I whispered under my breath, " you don't need this to be a stripper". He was still standing behind me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 22

By CreeptacularBaitApparently - 06/05/2016 14:17 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was really excited to finally get accepted for a job after months of trying and my boyfriend hounding me about it. When I told him the good news he said "That's great. It won't help us financially, but at least it's something for you to do. I might get work done now with you gone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 18

By unlucky - 06/05/2016 14:14 - Australia - Bundoora

Today, my college professor came to our lecture drunk. As if the stench wasn't bad enough, he saw me in the front row and said "aren't you that kid who smokes weed. Give me some and I'll give you full marks" he then proceeded to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 13

By The Evil Dude - 06/05/2016 14:06

Today, I refused to make my older sister a sandwich, She and my dad now think I'm the most evil person on earth and the reincarnation of the devil, they are threatening to abandon me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 10

By Etweens96 - 06/05/2016 14:04 - United States - Jackson

Today, after pissing me off beyond belief, the creep who had been hanging with me asked me out. I declined and pointed out he made it awkward. He then got up and went into my class filled with half my classmates asking if it was an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 11

By ilikecheesefries - 06/05/2016 14:01 - United States - Clarks Summit

Today, I left the house for the first time in four years without wearing any makeup. As soon as I walked into the grocery store a little boy pointed at me, started to cry and said "mommy, what's wrong with her face?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 13

By MelMar - 06/05/2016 13:53 - Netherlands

Today, to avoid sneezing on our dog, my boyfriend decided to sneeze right into my plate of noodles.

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 13

By Whoops... - 06/05/2016 13:51 - Australia - Bentley

Today, I saw my coworker who always jokingly tells me to cheer up, as I always look angry. Today I did the same to her. Turns out she was crying, because the song playing over the radio was the one played at her Mother's (very recent) funeral. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 18

By kodiebear - 06/05/2016 13:51 - Australia - Caloundra

Today, I left work with a pretty simple mental list. Get Fuel. Pick up 4yo son. It wasnt until i was standing in his classroom, freaking out because i couldnt see him, that i remembered he is at his dads. And i'd only driven that way, because the petrol station was in the same area as the school FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 13

By MaddJayyy - 06/05/2016 13:43 - Australia - Subiaco

Today, I learnt that my bf likes to out that I'm bi to everyone he knows. There's even been jokes about me seducing his cousin and 'keeping it in the family' FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 9

By Skittelson - 06/05/2016 13:39 - United States - Houston

Today, I went to Burger King for lunch. I went to pay with my card, but they didn't take my credit card provider. I had to give my freshly prepared food back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 13

By candice_91 - 06/05/2016 10:49 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. It was all good until I spotted scabies near my vagina. I didn't want to ruin the mood and I was too embarrassed to let him know. Lets just say it was too late for the scabies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 141

By AnInelegantlyStupidGuy - 06/05/2016 10:14 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, whilst working on the poolside, I got a little bored of just sitting around. So I decided to clean the equipment cupboard and tidy it up a bit. It was going well, until a pool noodle bent, then straightened right as I turned. Needless to say I now have a civilian bruise right on my face FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 29

By Too Lazy - 06/05/2016 10:05 - United States - Birmingham

Today, before scoring a date with a beautiful girl that also loves, I took my car for an oil change and brakes so I wouldn't have to get dirty before going out. The shop messed up my car, and her response was, "I don't think we should see eachother if you can't even do your own maintenance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 43

By never gunna happen anyway - 06/05/2016 07:23 - United States

Today, like everyday, twelve years and one marriage later I am still in love my female best friend... She knows it, but my husband and her boyfriend don't...fml

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 53

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The Top

Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll up the passenger side window, it was stuck. Rain was coming so I freaked out and brought it to the dealership to get it fixed. The man pushed the child safety lock button and the entire garage erupted in laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 415

You deserved it 62 548

Today, I went to court to fight my old apartment complex about carpet replacement, because I'd left it completely spotless, only to wait two hours to be told they'd rescheduling it for March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 87

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 439

You deserved it 10 016

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 364

You deserved it 7 140

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 229

You deserved it 23 293

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 118

You deserved it 4 091