Nearly FMLs

By obviousvirgin - 23/07/2016 00:39

Today, my new doctor gave me a pamphlet for a cervical cancer prevention injection and told me it's important that i get it before the first time I have sex. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 65

By Bunnyluver - 23/07/2016 00:35

Today, my grandmother forced me to help her clean a house, which she knows makes me sick. I wonder why she is so surprised that I am now at the emergency room recovering from an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 43

By ReloadTheory - 23/07/2016 00:11

Today, I dropped my phone and cracked the screen. That would be ok if I didn't just spend $130 fixing it a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 221

By Infamous_Pickle - 23/07/2016 00:10

Today, I was in the middle of watching this awesome show on Hulu. I was halfway through the season and in the middle of an episode (the episodes were really long, so I had to stop) when the entire show was removed from Hulu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 78

By Katy - 23/07/2016 00:04 - United States - Seattle

Today, I woke up with a searing pain in my eye. After flushing out my eye with water, I finally found the culprit: One of my boyfriend's chest hairs. It fell into my eye last night during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 46

By Me - 22/07/2016 23:51 - United States - Manchester

Today, I asked my father what "orgasm" meant. I realized my mistake the moment I asked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 76

By Sleep Deprived Pigeon - 22/07/2016 23:39

Today, My dad decided after months of working out he should include me. He did this by forcing me to run a 8k with the excuse if I can do it you can too. So now running on only 2hr of sleep a night for the past month have to run an 8k race while my dad screams in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 49

By shouldvegottenapplecare - 22/07/2016 23:32 - United States - Medina

Today, my daughter came to me holding her brand new iPad, crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her iPad "didn't work anymore". I asked her what had happened, and she responded with "I wanted to watch pony in the bath". She dropped her $600 iPad into the bath tub. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 203

By hey_puddin - 22/07/2016 23:25 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, I was mugged by a homeless lady who was eating a pudding cup with a spoon. At one point she actually put her gun in her pocket to take a bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 38

By htlrddnthngwrng - 22/07/2016 23:24 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I learned that this girl I was interested in, that's way out of my league, is also interested in me. That'd be great, if not for the fact that she's becoming a doctor, lives in another country, and oh- I'm going to prison soon. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 181

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 23:17 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my SO started to lecture me on how caffeine is bad for the baby. I breastfeed our daughter. The nurse we talked to said not to worry about 24 oz of pop a day. He believes his mom is right on everything. He smokes a pack of cigs a day and I don't smoke at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 43

By kk4slw - 22/07/2016 23:06 - United States - Knoxville

Today my boss fussed at me for something my co-worker did yesterday "because you were sitting right beside her". My co-worker has over 30 years of experience. I have 18 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 30

By parisihateyou - 22/07/2016 23:06 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I came back from a short vacation trip to Paris. Today is also the day I recovered from a flu I caught the day I left. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 37

By Airbell12 - 22/07/2016 22:57

Today, I returned to work, slightly parched. I ended up as the center of attention in my unit because I had the best memory of what our client had said. I turned my head quickly to agree with someone else and spit spilled out my mouth. I tried to play it off, but was met with an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 41

By Strawberree - 22/07/2016 22:33 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, my cousin was using my iPad. He "accidentally dropped" it out the window 3 stories up. It's in pieces now, and he's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 37

By Stupid - 22/07/2016 22:29 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, the guy I've been falling in love with, who has been my friend with benefits for a while, texted me upset because the girl he's been talking to "friend-zoned" him. After he told me just the other day he wasn't ready for a relationship. Guess that meant just with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 49

By BigSis - 22/07/2016 22:09

Today, I had to drive my sister home. We drove the half hour south to get to my Dad's, only to get about 5 minutes away when she tells me that she's supposed to be going to our mom's. 45 minutes in the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 34

By KingHyp3 - 22/07/2016 21:33 - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working at one of those fancy pizza places. I gave her a tip and she gave me a scowl and told me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 41

By 12boormi - 22/07/2016 21:25 - Madagascar

Today, my girlfriend and I woke up in a frisky mood and after a very quick glance around the house deemed it safe to proceed. As soon as things started getting heated the door to my room open and my dad walked in wanting to know where his keys were so he could go to the shops, FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 40

By ber4fun - 22/07/2016 21:24 - United States - Baltimore

Today, after months of procrastination I finally ask my mechanic to put on the new flashy hubcaps that I had purchased around Christmas. Today is also the day the city started major construction work on the road I use daily. One hubcap down and three to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 35

By somepeople - 22/07/2016 21:14

Today, I sprained my ankle but went to a parade in town anyway. A woman pushed past me and I stumbled over a garbage bag and yelled in pain after landing on my bad ankle. She berated me for "standing on her belongings." FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 28

By bye $200 - 22/07/2016 21:06 - United States - Irvine

Today, I got robbed while walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 65

By maybe fired - 22/07/2016 21:02

Today, the pretzel shop I work at posted the schedule for the next two weeks. I'm the only one who doesn't work a single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 30

By CaptainSpaceCat - 22/07/2016 20:39 - United States

Today, at the cancer center where I work, I found a plate of cookies in the break room. Thinking they were for anybody, I took one. Turns out they were for the patients. I just stole a cookie from a cancer patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 82

By Thecandyman42 - 22/07/2016 20:37 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was with my Bro and he told me to tell us his darkest secrets so I agreed. I went first but what I didn't realize is that he had it recording on snapchat and he put it on his story FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 44

By Siya - 22/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Olathe

Today, my boss refused to let me leave work a little early to greet my best friend, who is coming from out of state to live with me for the weekend and whom I haven't seen in months. When I asked him all he said was "So? Why should you be there?" My boss is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 35

By Randilynne2 - 22/07/2016 20:26 - United States - Elko

Today, I felt like surprising my boyfriend. I put on some sexy lingerie and high heels and waited for him to return from work. Right as he walked in I was bending over to take his food out of the oven. He kissed me on the cheek and said "I have to change." He didn't touch me again all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 36

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 20:21 - United States - Portland

Today, while helping my dad move out of his house, I found his porn collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 34

By Makinola - 22/07/2016 19:46 - Chile - Vina Del Mar

Today, i went to swimming class, i train competitively so i was really pumped up, when i was half the way there i remembered i forgot my swimming cap, so i went back all the way to get it. Only when i got to the pool i noticed i had forgotten my swim suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 60

By pinupsailorchick - 22/07/2016 19:43 - United States - Richmond

Today, I offered to babysit my friend's kid and my new godson. He's almost a year old, and apparently is newly discovering his voice, because he has screamed for fun for the last 3 1/2 hours straight. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 25

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The Top

Today, out of the 35 people invited, only one person showed up to my bridal shower. It was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 368

You deserved it 343

Today, I realized that being 60 pounds lighter has made every guy that crossed my path worship the ground I walk on. When I had the weight, guys would flinch at me, or not give me the time of day. I just want to be treated as a human being, no matter what size I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 264

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 585

You deserved it 5 856

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 167

You deserved it 356

Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 408

You deserved it 174

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 637