Nearly FMLs

By joeycamaro - 22/07/2016 19:35

Today, it's 100 degrees out. I have a brand new company truck with the coldest A/C out there. Too bad my company has a strictly monitored no "idling for comfort" policy.

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 39

By mylonius - 22/07/2016 19:21 - United States - Hoffman

Today, my boss called me in to work on my only day off in two weeks. After working more than a full shift on the busiest day of the summer, my boss told me I was "almost better than nothing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 40

By warner69 - 22/07/2016 13:55 - United States - Oxford

Today, I was with a random girl having sex... when I got a nose bleed. It wouldnt have been a problem, if I didn't have uncontrollable sneezes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 93

By LonelyOcean - 22/07/2016 13:54 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, and for the last few days I've stopped texting the people I talk with daily to see if they'd actually initiate conversation. I've had one text... From my phone service provider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 93

By welp... - 22/07/2016 13:27 - United States - Chillicothe

Today, my little cousins asked where her cat,Elsa was. ( my cousin hadn't been told she had been hit by a car.) Thinking she had been told I said heaven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 66

By Brandon1000 - 22/07/2016 13:27 - United States - Florham Park

Today, it is so hot out that i sweated through both my underwear and my shorts, quite noticeably too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 56

By SinisterDewd - 22/07/2016 13:02 - United States - Clovis

Today, I asked the girl of my dreams out. She said no because my eyebrows are to small.

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 52

By beautifulmymy - 22/07/2016 13:01

Today, after working 6 days a week, making well over overtime and happy for a well rested day off, my boss decides to call me wakes me up and tells me I have to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 50

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 11:49 - United States - Lake City

Today, the happiest thing to happen to me in the past 48 hours was a dream about hugging a baby elephant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 43

By Dalboz - 22/07/2016 11:15 - Italy

Today, like we do every year, my family and I went on vacation. Also today, like she does in every vacation I've ever had, my batshit crazy sister started screaming at everyone and everything - ruining it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 42

By CBL88 - 22/07/2016 11:12

Today, I'm having dinner with my bf. We planned it weeks ago, and she made a big deal about being considerate and making something I can eat as well, since I'm vegan. She just told me that we're having a BBQ instead. It's in 3 hours, and I don't have time to go buy different food now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 54

By Stinkers - 22/07/2016 10:54 - United Kingdom - Whitehaven

Today I had to go back to work 4 hours after I finished my shift. Not for any work related reason but to pee. I was too scared to pee in my own bathroom because of a moth. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 109

By AttackHelicopter - 22/07/2016 10:53

Today, I am taking a quick trip to Louisiana which will take 9 hours. As I got my husky out to use the bathroom he pooped and peed. He then looked at me smiled wagged his tail and kick his feet making all the poop hit me. Guess who didn't bring extra pants.

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 39

By KittyKat168 - 22/07/2016 10:50

Today, while browsing the Internet on my phone I noticed a spider above my bed. Being pretty chill with spiders, I left it there to eat any bugs that might come in, rolled over, and carried on reading. The next time I rolled over, it was hanging Spider Impossible-style less than 6" from my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 44

By CBL88 - 22/07/2016 10:02

Today, I was putting on my bra when I noticed some weird stains around both nipple areas. Apparently, I lactate. And no, I'm neighter pregnant or a mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 32

By Rainman123 - 22/07/2016 09:10 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, making love with my girlfriend, I decide to try a "long lasting" condom... Actually just ended up making my penis numb. So I tried again like 20 minutes later and it was great the second time!...Until my girlfriend got bored two minutes later because her vagina was completely numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 31

By mintydumplings - 22/07/2016 09:04 - Australia - Mount Waverley

Today, my I dropped of my wife at work then to remember that my phone was in my wife's purse. I went back to her office and saw her making out with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 24

By ARGOTH - 22/07/2016 08:51 - South Africa - Vanderbijlpark

Today, My two Co-Workers and I realized that we have been working for the same company for years as PA's (Personal Assistants), and the Smaller less Successful Partner Branch 30 Miles is paying their PA's More than double what we earn. Their one PA started only 3 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 22

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 08:31 - United States - Houston

Today, my friend's little sister told me I'm beautiful and that she loves me. This is sadly the only female attention I've received in a few years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 24

By Nabil - 22/07/2016 08:10

Today, I was playing video games when my balls felt itchy. I had been sick for the past few days so they had been really sweaty in bed all day. I pulled my pants down and started scratching and it felt so good. Then suddenly, without knocking, my sister walks in, medicine for me in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 29

By DFTBA but FML - 22/07/2016 07:51 - United States - Medford

Today, I came home from work early and caught my boyfriend in bed with my best friend. I'm such a pushover that I told them they have to finish up and she needs to get out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 138

You deserved it 4 860

By disappointed wifey - 22/07/2016 06:30

Today, my new husband and I embarked on our honeymoon together that has been months in the planning stages. Today is also the day that he has a nasty cold that has left him unable to breathe properly and shows no signs of blowing over anytime soon. So much for touching each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 83

By 6xrv - 22/07/2016 05:51

Today at the movies, a group of teens snuck into the theater halfway through the movie, and sat right next to me. Several minutes later, a security guard came in to record them out. He thought I was part of their group, and refused to look at my ticket stub showing the right movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 41

By conholio33 - 22/07/2016 05:35

Today, I went to the doctors. It turns out what I thought was a just a bug bite on my neck is acutally a cyst that now has to be surgerically removed FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 44

By Rhubarb_Pie - 22/07/2016 05:33 - United States - Kent

Today, I was craving a bean & cheese burrito. After trying to forget about burritos for half of the day, I finally caved and went to the store. I spent $3 on an organic burrito only to take it home, eat it, and have an allergic reaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 54

By Rainman123 - 22/07/2016 02:06

Today, I finished my final art project for school. Worked on it from 6pm until 2am every night for a week. Left it on my desk this morning and went to get something to eat. Come back 20 mins later and my 5 year old brother has emptied all my paint tubes onto the project and smeared it all over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 61

By sorebuttcheek - 22/07/2016 01:26 - Canada

Today, while showing a group of guys my heavy bag routine at the gym, I attempted to perform a high snap kick. I missed the bag by a hair and ended up crashing to the ground. They all clapped, slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 70

By Lobat_Wang - 21/07/2016 23:52 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was hanging out with a friend and her boyfriend, when he decided to start a conversation on rice. (I have been trying to convince her to dump him for his stupidity and she still won't.) After 20 minutes of convincing and Google, he still believes rice grows on trees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 47

By JazzBass - 21/07/2016 22:37 - United States - Ilion

Today, my best friend decided to drive me 7 hours to visit a girl I've been talking to before I move ever farther out off state. The day ended with him kissing her. The drive home was less than pleasant. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 37

By anonymous - 21/07/2016 22:10

Today, my five year old daughter asked me why I wipe with sticks. I was very confused, so she then proceeded to tell me that my husband, her father, said I had a stick up my ass. My daughter is continually telling strangers I have a stick up my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 37

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I accidentally saw my boyfriend's sexts to a guy he's friends with. He's been turning me down for sex for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 919

You deserved it 264

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 604

You deserved it 6 170

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 213

You deserved it 7 951

Today, I got fired from my nannying job because one of the mom's several boyfriends mentioned that he found me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 818

You deserved it 1 576

Today, I tried to open my water bottle, which is like trying to open a pickle jar, and after several seconds, it exploded all over my desk and clothes. Then, when I was going to get paper towels and a change of clothes, I slipped on the puddle and hit my head on my desk as I came crashing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 192

Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 845

You deserved it 4 566