Nearly FMLs

By GEErmansoldier - 20/12/2016 15:31 - United States

Today, I killed a raccoon while driving and I felt so bad I decided to at least bury him. Turns out he wasn't dead when I went to pick him up so he attacked my face.

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 50

By grtfuldeadlovr - 20/12/2016 14:18 - United States - Merrimack

Today, I shut the door on a woman holding her child, causing her foot to get stuck in the door. She dropped the child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 103

By CrapOnaCracker - 20/12/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, my flight was canceled. Again. I'm stuck 1200 miles from home and it looks like I'll be missing a week of work before I can get back. It would cost me more than two weeks pay (that I don't have) to get home any earlier. Hope I still have a job!

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 24

By distracted Mum - 20/12/2016 11:39 - Australia

Today, I went to give my cat a flea treatment tablet. While I was walking over my daughter distracted me and since she normally has a tablet every morning I accidentally gave it to her out of habit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 10:34 - United States - Little Falls

Today, I lost my car keys, I had to call and have one made, I went and picked it up set my stuff in the car and realized I left my wallet, I walked back to the car only to see that I had locked myself out of my car with my new key in it.

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 85

By anonymous - 19/12/2016 22:10 - United States

Today, my sister won't let me be at her boot camp graduation. She instead invited her girlfriend of one month. I guess we know who's more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 65

By smsblue - 19/12/2016 21:49

Today, I went sledding. Too bad I was asleep when my boyfriend shoved me onto the sled and down the hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 53

By catwomanaj - 19/12/2016 21:41 - Australia - Merrylands

Today, I farted so ferociously at work that I pulled a muscle in my abdomen and couldn't stop working. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 48

By Brainfly - 19/12/2016 20:37 - India - Chennai

Today, I was at a red light. I was looking right at it but got carried away and lost in thoughts that I didn't realise it turn green. The car behind rolled up to the front and the man from inside asked "Excuse me, are your waiting for your favorite color?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 130

By MyfriendsareAWESOME - 19/12/2016 17:33 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I love my friend dearly. However, her demonic child is the type that will stick a fork in an electrical socket, while flushing your phone down the toilet, and choking on a Lego, at the same time. I got stuck babysitting for 6 hours. I'm glad we're all still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 35

By NoGoodDeedUnpunished - 19/12/2016 16:37 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I tried to help out a friend by babysitting her very hyper children. Her dog bit me as soon as I walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 26

By VampireBait - 19/12/2016 15:54 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I am bleeding from my anus and my vagina. I'm not sure which hurts worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 34

By T.J.G. - 19/12/2016 13:54 - United States - Greensburg

Today, my boss didn't finish making the schedule until 1am and waited until 2am to tell me. Guess who gets to open at 7am after closing at midnight the night prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 15

By WowMom - 19/12/2016 13:42

Today, my mother saw a rat run across the sidewalk. Her instinctive reaction was to scream, shove me in front of her as a shield, grab my brother and run away. Well, I guess now I know the least favorite kid is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 28

By CovererInPoo - 19/12/2016 12:18

Today, I was using a urinal at my college, and there must have been some bad work done on the pipes. When I went to flush, instead of water falling down the back of the urinal, brown nasty "used" water came shooting out all over my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 40

By Stan017 - 19/12/2016 10:23 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I went for an iterview after sending out multiple applications. I told the interviewer I don't quite like marketing... it's a marketing company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 219

By joesavv - 19/12/2016 08:48 - Australia - Ipswich

Today, is my third week of school holidays. I had so many plans, including many dates with my girlfriend. All in the same week, I ended up breaking my arm, and my girlfriend breaking up with me only to get with another guy the very same minute. There go all my plans. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 38

By quanzidongrinimenmajiqiren - 19/12/2016 06:46

Today, after having sex with me, that nice guy asked why I was so good at BJ and I said I was a prostitute. It took me an hour to explain to him that was just a joke. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 82

By Momo - 19/12/2016 05:44

Today, my mother has threatened that we won't have Christmas or that it's ruined multiple times now, when someone pisses her off. It's winter break and I've been home for three days, 14 more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 31

By Friend-Zoned - 18/12/2016 23:29

Today, A girl told me to text her so her boyfriend wouldn't see our increasingly flirty and dirty Facebook messages. As I text her, I learn that she isn't even into me at all. She talks dirty for fun and is just looking for a friend to text with. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 143

By Cleo - 18/12/2016 21:31

Today I went to my grandparents' house because my best friend couldn't have me over. The dogs pissed on my stuff, then I found out that she had someone else over when she said her dad had a work thing. I am surrounded by dog piss and betrayal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 37

By MyTailboneHurts - 18/12/2016 21:29

Today, I was so tired that when I sat down on my office chair, my hand automatically tried to fasten the non-existent seat belt. I also managed to entirely miss the chair with my butt a couple of times when trying to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 44

By KashRoninMama - 18/12/2016 21:23 - Canada - Hastings

Today, I have been in denial, but I have to face the truth... My husband says his hours have changed, but his pays remain the same... The last few times I've washed his work stuff, I have found shoulder length blonde hairs. Guess he's working on her...

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 36

By fed up - 18/12/2016 21:15 - Canada - Carman

Today, I'm stuck with paying a huge mortgage on an acreage that my bf wanted. He's now decided beer is more important and left the relationship. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 26

By hippiebubblez19 - 18/12/2016 21:03 - United States - Arvilla

Today, my friend called me, still mad about his car being in the ditch. He let his girlfriend drive it (they were both drunk) and she got it stuck in the ditch, luckily no one was hurt but this is what he told me "It's all your fault cause you wouldn't DD for me!" I was drunk too! FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 33

By riamna - 18/12/2016 19:02 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, my period came unexpectedly and it went through my skirt at my school assembly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 45

By Me - 18/12/2016 18:37 - United States - Cypress

Today, I found out that I have asthma and VCD, two breathing disorders that counteract each other and cause me to choke on my own air. Not only that, but I am allergic to albuterol sulfate, an ingredient in every inhaler and asthma medicine. I am a competitive gymnast AND a travel soccer player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 18

By Bawsack - 18/12/2016 16:36 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I'm just home from my birthday party. I booked and paid for a private karaoke room for 50 people who assured me they were coming. 11 people turned up. Including me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 21

By home wrecker? - 18/12/2016 15:38 - United States - La Grange

Today, after talking to a guy for a few weeks, that I was reluctant to talk to due to he is 12 years older than me, he told me that he is married and has a 10 month old baby. We hooked up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 69

By Newbie - 18/12/2016 15:18

Today, I finished my first semester as a new teacher. Also today, I got a stomach virus and have been sitting on the toilet and vomiting for the last 12 hours. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 27

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, after recently rekindling an old relationship, I discovered a whole new world when I found his secret Twitter account. Apparently he's now a cross-dressing, submissive, financially dominated "slave" for doms online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 053

You deserved it 840

Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He'd left, leaving the door kicked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 478

You deserved it 2 566

Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 347

You deserved it 4 250

Today, after work, I was saying goodbye to my last remaining friend I worked with because she was going to be leaving for college. My manager saw me talking and made me clock back in and work, because, "If you have time to talk, you have time to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 683

You deserved it 1 256

Today, I was diagnosed with my seventh chronic illness. My body and life are getting progressively more uncomfortable, painful, exhausting, and difficult. I'm starting to wish one of them was lethal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 123

Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 644

You deserved it 6 861