Nearly FMLs

By DV Red Dot - 18/11/2017 20:38

Today I remembered sending my ex wife on a trip of a life time to Australia. I spent 6 months in Afghanistan dodging bullets to pay for it. When she returned I found pictures on our computer of her having a threesome with a married couple. I paid for the trip that led to my divorce, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 9

By MaleMail - 18/11/2017 19:14

Today, I was waiting for a package to be delivered. When it didn’t arrive, I went to their office to check if it had been missed out. I got told there was a second delivery, so went home to wait. They tried to deliver it while I was gone and have to go back to get it. The office was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 11

By Amee - 18/11/2017 19:04 - Serbia

Today, I saw my friend carrying a bag and thought it would be funny to dump it in water. After she found it in the school's fountain and opened it up, it turned out that she was carrying the phone she borrowed from me, which was mine, in the bag and planned to return it. It wasn't waterproof. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 18/11/2017 17:00

Today after spending almost 3 hours pressing ironing and pressing my pants along with my shirt, along with shining my shoes for my job as a cop. The first call I got I had to chase someone thru a creek, now I have mud caked on my shoes and pants along with mud splattered on my shirt.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 11

By Alchy - 18/11/2017 15:32

Today, after being sober for several months, I woke up from a 2 day drinking binge. I don't remember much, but I know I hid my phone, group texted insane things to my in-laws, confessed my alcoholism to my husbands best friend, scared the crap out of my kids, and hid in my yard in my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 107

By "yobroimjosh" - 18/11/2017 12:25

today... my professer told us everyone would get extra credit if we handed in a 20 word "essay" on what life means to us. I wrote the most heart-felt, sincere essay I have ever wrote in my life... he said he can't give me extra credit because it was to depressing...FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 10

By MaryJane - 18/11/2017 07:08

Today after waiting for 2 hours for my brother-in-law to get out of the bathroom, I ran in to take care of business..... Stepped in what I that was a puddle of water. When I actually looked down I noticed it was jizz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 8

By Footloose - 18/11/2017 06:49

Today, I had to watch my ex-girlfriend, who I’m still not completely over, make out with two guys in the school musical. Why’d I even attend, you ask? One of them was the lead, my identical twin brother. Oh, and she ran straight to her pervy new boyfriend after the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 18/11/2017 06:48

Today, I fell down the stairs and bruised my tailbone. This past week, I sprained both my knees. I was supposed to go on an awesome date I was looking forward to for months tonight. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

By Bree - 18/11/2017 06:24

Today after work I was looking forward to going home...I get in my car and realize I left my headlights on and my car battery was dead. I waited 31 minutes in 36 degree weather for my stepdad to get out to me and jump start my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 25

By VanC - 18/11/2017 05:36

Today, I logged into the pet plant I share with my boyfriend. It was just something cute we did together. I found the account has been deactivated and this is his way of breaking up with me. 3 months. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 9

By subscribetojacksepticeye - 17/11/2017 22:56 - Canada

Today, I realized that I’m gay. I live with my homophobic Christian parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 18/11/2017 04:05

Today, my college won’t let me register for classes. My high school never sent a final transcript so they don’t think I️ graduated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 8

By "Freya Eschle-retallick" - 18/11/2017 00:22 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today I confirmed all my orders for my boyfriends Christmas &birthday presents were shipped (over £200) . I also found out he was cheating on me.FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 7

By gamermonster - 18/11/2017 00:01

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off all the lights. To prevent bumping into something, I turned on my phone flashlight. When all the lights were out, I had a brain fart and forgot where my phone was. I spent 10 minutes searching before I realized it was in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 65

By Anonymous - 17/11/2017 17:14

Today, I realised as I walked past all the other rooms in our shared dorm that all my roommates were having sex with their girlfriends, meanwhile I have a giant bowl of popcorn and my dad’s Netflix password FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 12

By Rachel - 17/11/2017 07:53 - United States - Davenport

Today at school I threatened a guy who had been harassing me for months that if he did not stop I would tell the cops and have him sent to juvenile detention.I was the one sent to the principals office because the one who was harassing me told the principal the story the other way around.FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 11

By B&Kale - 17/11/2017 07:54

Today my boyfriend and I took stimulants to get high. Instead we spent the whole night taking turns pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 118

By doublecheckiscrucial - 17/11/2017 01:59

Today, my cousin accidentally sent me dick pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 17

By Anon - 16/11/2017 21:19

Today, I was so desperate at work that after finding no loo paper, I ripped up bits of scrap printing paper to wipe with after taking a dump. It got clogged. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 31

By Nattie12 - 17/11/2017 06:18 - Australia - Meadowbank

Today, while gaming, I was getting frustrated at how my teammates couldn’t hear me, even rebooting my system. 20 minutes later I realized I had muted myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 82

By Royy - 16/11/2017 19:13

today my mom did some work. Her specific job of choice is a phone sex worker. Our rooms are right next to each other, and the walls are thin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 8

By LanguageTeacher - 16/11/2017 14:08 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today I covered a class at a school where a child's name was "Semen". It turns out he's Russian and his parents actually named him that. I feel sorry for the kid, but I was honestly more relieved that he was well-behaved because I could barely say his name without laughing, nevermind shout it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 16

By IDidntNotice - 16/11/2017 14:49

Today, I wanted to ask out a cute new co-worker. She seemed shy so instead of asking her outright I left a sticky note in her cubicle. Not only did she act as if she hadn't noticed it all day, but when it was time to go home she was picked up by another woman. They kissed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 16/11/2017 13:12

Today, as part of an engineering service, I had to explain to somebody why we don't post signs to inform drivers that cross traffic does not stop at driveways. They filed a complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

By Someoneawesome - 15/11/2017 22:59 - United States - Alhambra

Today I found out my girlfriend would rather spend 1300 dollars on an iPhone 10 rather than take a 7 days romantic cruise around the Hawaii islands. I've been waiting to take a cruise with my gf for over f years. She already has the latest iPhone 7 plus.....fml

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 11

By "ZevraTiver" - 16/11/2017 01:14 - United States

Today, We found out our 55 yr old Mom is pregnant with a boy...I'm the only girl so far out of 7 (8) boys...FML.

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

By hugemetalhead - 16/11/2017 04:56

Today, I had a wet dream about Taylor Swift. I hate all her music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 15/11/2017 22:39

Today on the first day of my new job, I busted my face open and someone ran over my ankle. This was all before noon. I messed up a company wide accident free work environment on my first day. The company would have been accident free for three years next week... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 4

By Really? - 15/11/2017 17:13

Today my aunt gave me shit for not eating a bread with mold. Her logic - Mold is fungi and bread is made by fungi. She is a doctor.

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 3

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wife said that her cup of coffee was the best part of her week. We celebrated our nineteenth anniversary this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 152

Today, I realised I'm one of those people who can talk without caring if anyone is listening. I was telling my husband about something, and noticed he was asleep. I checked our living room camera. He was asleep when I got home and I just started talking, for 20 minutes, without realising he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 1 291

Today, my period has given to me 4 giant zits, 3 screaming shits, 2 stomach ulcers, and a fever blister on my lips. A few days until Christmas and the gifts keep coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 220

You deserved it 663

Today, my roommate has a job interview. He only applied to the job yesterday. Meanwhile, I've been out of work for three weeks. I've applied to at least ten jobs. I have yet to get a call-back from any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 255

Today, my husband's number was mistakenly added to a group chat of my co-workers dealing with COVID-19. Despite my asking him to stop, he keeps sending corny memes that has offended most of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 338

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 703

You deserved it 52 149