Nearly FMLs

By Helljumper11 - 12/11/2017 19:10 - United States - Orlando

I asked my dad "What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?" He just looked at me and said "You" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 12

By "Sarah Seeley" - 13/11/2017 00:58

Today I was heading home from insurance training, and I guess it was a good thing, because now I know exactly how much my premiums will go up for rear-ending a guy in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 44

By MariaGina - 12/11/2017 18:44 - United States - Oxford

Today, I asked my hairdresser for a bob that came down to the middle of my neck. She cut my hair to the middle of my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 8

By ShitMagnet1000 - 12/11/2017 16:35 - Canada - Thornhill

Today we got the last of our stuff from the apartment we were burnt out of when a neighbour's crazy ex set fire to the hallway. It will take two weeks to fix and the headache-inducing toxic smell of burnt carpet will probably never go away. Take no for an answer guys, for the love of God. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 4

By Marc - 12/11/2017 21:36

Today I was at a party & everyone from my high school came. I had a great time, but when I was going to leave I didn't pay attention to the ground and slipped and face planted in a huge mud puddle in front of everyone. When I got up to walk away, my pants fell down. I was wearing tighty-whities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 20

By Mafredo - 12/11/2017 20:32

Today, I woke up late for my new 3rd shift job. In my rush to throw a lunch together, I mixed up some jars in my fridge. All I had to eat was spaghetti covered in mayonnaise and a NutterButter. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 22

By Anonymous - 12/11/2017 20:26

Last weekend I started dog sitting for my girlfriend's supervisor. The guy told us she likes walks, so we took her for a walk. While on the walk, she slipped her collar and ran away. To make matters worse, called him to help us look, only to find the dog was hit by a car only 6 hours after drop off.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 12

By All In the Family - 12/11/2017 20:06

Today, I woke up to a string of Snapchat images from my brother. They were full frontal nudes meant for his lady love. Thanksgiving should be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 12/11/2017 20:01

Today is my 1-Year anniversary with my husband. He completely forgot about it and went out fishing. I bought him a week long vacation in Italy.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

By Ashe - 12/11/2017 17:01

Today, I realized my husband and I have more conversations about our farts and poops, in detail, than we have sex. Poop was discussed 3 times today. We haven't had sex in a month. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 17

By Ellesmere - 12/11/2017 17:03 - Israel - Ramat Hasharon

Today I mark 2 years of being in love with the same amazing man. My boyfriend of 1.5 years happens to be his cousin, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 12/11/2017 12:38

Today, my mother found my anxiety medication which I didn't want her knowing about. She flushed all of it down the toilet. I can't get a refill for another month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

By "Stella5127" - 12/11/2017 08:47

Today, while driving along the busy highway, a Husky was jumping around happily in the tray of his owners utility vehicle. I told my 4yo son to look up and see the gorgeous happy doggy... just in time for it to fall off the back, onto the road and roll under our car with a splatter and a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 9

By "belladonna1025" - 12/11/2017 03:46

Today, I went to a training class for a new job. While learning how to process cash, credit cards and checks at the registers, the trainer asked if everyone new what a personal check was. Most of them didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 11/11/2017 18:56 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I found out my husband was gay when I accidentally found his Grindr account. When I approached him about this he blamed me for snooping through his phone. I was only trying to check his email for paperwork on closing our deal for our new home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 5

By Well... - 11/11/2017 17:24 - United States - Poultney

Today, after using up the last of a visa gift card, I decided to cut it up. Too bad I accidentally cut up my debit card instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 11/11/2017 22:09

Today, I sent my husband to the shops for nappies for our 2 week old and something for our dinner. He came back with nappies big enough for a toddler and a new game for his xbox. When I asked him what he got for dinner, he admitted he forgot and gave me cash for a takeaway FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 11/11/2017 21:40

today my friend cracked a joke about my birth certificate being an apology letter from the condom company in front of my father. he started laughing and produced an actual apology letter from a condom company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 11/11/2017 20:06 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I was in Italian class as normal. When talking about upcoming tests, the teacher announced to everyone that I'm not taking the speaking tests due to my severe social anxiety, autism and speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 11/11/2017 15:58

Today after attending an orientation where we were required to take a reading, math, and personality test, and then going in for an interview I received an email stating “due to extenuating circumstances we will not be filling this position” FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 3

By crashcourse - 11/11/2017 15:11

Today I had a craving for a nighttime treat, so I called a Lyft to take me to the store. On the way there my driver full-on collided with another car. Upon returning home, mostly unscathed, I came to the realization my phone must've been thrown out of my bag in the accident. Now phone-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 11/11/2017 08:59 - United States - Marcellus

Today I was in active labor with my first child. I wanted to get an epidural. After 2 failed attempts they finally got it on the third try. It only halfway worked and I could feel everything from on one side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 6

By cheaters never win - 11/11/2017 14:55

Today the day after I got home from the hospital because I just had my first child, I got a Facebook message saying that my baby's father and his ex girlfriend are having a baby and she's due in may. When I asked him about it he told me to F off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 11/11/2017 11:52

Today, my father yelled at me for not crossing the country to visit my violently homophobic family, who sent me death threats over my marriage. Apparently, the fact that I had major surgery two days ago and just got home from the hospital is a "weak excuse". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2

By Sized - 11/11/2017 16:12 - Australia - Perth

Today, I went dress shopping. I thought I’d lost weight due to 2 months of workouts and healthy eating but I went up a size. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

By Bummed - 11/11/2017 08:10

Today my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because after he told me he loved me and I felt he really did care for me, I opened up to him about my depression. A week later he broke up with me because he “can’t navigate those waters.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 5

By "Amirrora" - 11/11/2017 07:27

Today, I woke up to feed my brand new baby guinea pigs I got to help with my anxiety and depression. Turns out one of them was pregnant and there was the corpses of the dead babies waiting for me along with blood in their bed. So now adding to my list of issues I'm now traumatized...FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

By "AdeenCuffing" - 10/11/2017 21:39 - United States - Tampa

Today, I sat in my principals office for over 3 hours over an anonymous tip that I shoot heroin in and outside of school. I get blood drawn a lot, they're are needle marks on my arm. I have been threatened with incarceration and expulsion... FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 5

By "AdeenCuffing" - 11/11/2017 03:35

Today I sat in the principals office at my highschool. Due to an unknown medical problem I got blood drawn a few days before, my beginning nurse missed the vein twice. I was accused and threatened with expulsion for shotting herion on school grounds... FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 4

By Redsnation - 11/11/2017 01:14

Today, My parents yelled and screamed at me for having a B in Chemistry but said nothing to my sister when she got a C in Pre Calculus FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 457

You deserved it 3 363

Today, my mom told me that she wanted the whole family to move to Guatemala. I told her, as nice and calmly as I could, that this was an awful idea. She is now furious with me because I don't want to move to Guatemala. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 388

You deserved it 949

Today, while I was wearing a blue coat, a coworker asked me what color my coat was. Confused, I said, “...blue?” He and my other coworkers burst out screaming with laughter. Turns out he didn’t say ‘coat’ but ‘poop’. I work with a bunch of five year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 107

Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 163

You deserved it 2 037

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 630

You deserved it 3 627

Today, I walked in on my brother performing voodoo on a doll with my picture taped to its face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 190

You deserved it 4 925