Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 10/11/2017 23:03 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, my girlfriend is super vigilant about her birth control and always takes a morning after pill. I always use condoms. We never have sex during the dangerous time of the month. She got pregnant anyway. With twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 19

By Loveintheme - 10/11/2017 21:53

Today my boss told me I was no longer going for an International work trip next week that i have been planning for 2 months, to which I had already an airplane ticket and a hotel reservation because this meeting was "too high level" she wil go instead FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

By Christopher Martin - 10/11/2017 21:33

Today, I was told to go get groceries by my step mom. She then said “Don’t break a leg, it cost your dad too much.”i didn’t break a leg but I did manage to crack open my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 4

Blue jays

By 7israd - 10/11/2017 21:02

I was walking down the street when I saw a blue jay,which seemed hurt,I went see if it was and it hopped away,as a truck was coming and almost got hit,but the driver stopped,after I signaled he could go,the second the truck moved,it hopped in front the tire and killed itself

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 6

By Sarsolina - 10/11/2017 20:46 - Sweden

Today I got back the results from all the 20+ test my doctor took to find out why I have been sick for two weeks almost every other month for the past 30 years. Nothing's wrong with me. I'm in "perfect health". FML!!!

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

By Tay - 10/11/2017 18:36

Today, my boyfriend was eating me out on my couch when I decided to get a bit more freaky and sat on his face and started to give him a blow job. The moment we got comfortable 69ing, we heard the garage door open and my sister was home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 40

By Anonymous - 10/11/2017 11:50 - Canada - London

Today, there was a Rememberance Day assembly at school. In the middle of the two minutes of silence, I proceeded to throw up and collapse. No one helped me, everyone just stared and chuckled to themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 5

By Trrbly Ashamed - 10/11/2017 15:28

Today, I ran into an ex. We got to talking about our kids and she referred to hers as her "rainbow baby." I laughed and she said, "It's when the baby" "Is born gay?," I joked. She just looked at me and finished, "is born after a pregnancy or infant loss. He's my first after a miscarriage." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 80

By Squeeky clean - 10/11/2017 14:48

Today, while showering, I found a clump in my butt crack. While washing the area I tried to remove it and was gifted with the twinge of a long girl's hair deep in my bowels. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 8

By Susan - 10/11/2017 14:36

I was masturbating with a cucumber when it suddenly broke so I had to push it out... Basically, I gave birth to a piece of cucumber...

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 73

By arabian22 - 10/11/2017 11:19

Today, I was carded at Walmart while buying a Sharpie. I’ll be 24 next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 4

By Pissedoff - 09/11/2017 21:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I'm going to a funeral, so I asked my boyfriend to be sober and supportive. He is now literally piss drunk. He just peed on the bed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 193

You deserved it 1 307

By vegantreegirl - 09/11/2017 23:40

Today, at the park, I locked my keys in my car...and my phone. I had to wait 3 hours for another person to show up so I could borrow their phone and then pay $100 to the locksmith to get it open.I was going to use that money to pay off my student loan. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 9

By fetid fart fug - 09/11/2017 21:24

Today, I pulled a muscle in my stomach while straining to overcome the constipation that has plagued me for over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 09/11/2017 21:22

Today, I took my flute home during my lunch break, as my routine. Turns out I have a Veterans Day Performance at school, and it starts in 30 minutes. Guess who has to run like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 14

By zits - 09/11/2017 18:58

Today, the zits on my face created the illusion of a split lip and a bruised cheek. I didn't realize this until I met up for lunch with my brothers. Older brothers. After their karate lessons. They beat the shit out of my boyfriend.FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 6

By I_probably_deserved_it - 09/11/2017 17:48

Today, I was shopping at the mall and really had to pee. I decided to pee in the dressing room at one of the stores, becuase I had a lot of clothes I wanted to buy from them, but bathrooms were outside the shop. I got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 177

By "Nikyle Lugibihl" - 09/11/2017 17:39

Today, someone didn't want to sleep with me because they were scared that I would get pregnant. I'm a guy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 9

By ItAllMakesSenseNow - 09/11/2017 10:37

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks animals can consent to sex and is into bestiality porn. I'm a vegetarian and an animal rights advocate. We had already started discussing marriage before I found this out. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 11

By Iwastoldtherewouldbeglowing - 09/11/2017 07:23

Today, I got home from the emergency room at 3:30 AM. I'm pregnant and after vomiting constantly for days, my midwife said I needed IV fluids. At the ER I got a stomach bug, and now have uncontrollable diarrhea. I sharted in my bed and got diarrhea on my sheets. My washing machine is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 09/11/2017 05:25

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 6 months is transgender. I wouldn't have a problem with it if it weren't for the fact she has a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 51

By Cyndy - 09/11/2017 05:12

Today my boyfriend called and said he wants us to take a two year break. His friend just texted me and said my boyfriend is engaged to be married next month, to his old high school flame.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 22:51 - France

Today, my friends were attacked on the street for no reason, violently pushed on a wall and threatened. I was calling the police, asking for help until I realized the scary dudes who had just attacked us were policeman. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

By anonymous - 08/11/2017 21:58 - United States - Wayland

Today, I landed myself a date with a cute guy. Once I got to the location, after driving 20 minutes, he texted me and cancelled. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 013

You deserved it 698

By not good enough - 08/11/2017 20:06 - United Kingdom - Holmfirth

After being with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years. She dumped me 5 weeks after I moved to another country to be with her

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 12:17 - Canada

Today I found out that after my college being on strike for the last month, I would not be refunded my thousands of dollars I paid for my course and will have to repay and take it all again FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 7

By DeltaT - 08/11/2017 18:14

Today, I got glared down at work for leaving 30min earlier than normal since I worked straight through lunch, hadn't eaten and was obviously starving. The ones who glared? Those who have a smoke break every hour for 10-15min, a 30min smoke break after lunch, and gossip for 40% of their work day.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 5

By "159_fml" - 08/11/2017 10:29 - United States - Denville

Today, I got a call from my dad and he asked how I was doing I responded with "well, I'm not dead yet" he then informed my grandfather has passed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 14

By dusty bean - 08/11/2017 15:01

Today, after sunset a tire blew out. While attempting to change it, I learned my hazards don't work. I didn't have a flashlight or a lug wrench in the car. The jack broke and leaked oil all over me. And my family were all unavailable to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By Zog - 07/11/2017 21:49 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was eating breakfast for the first time in near 3 damn years. I have been going to treatment for anorexia and got myself a donut at super America. A kid walked past me in the hallway and called me a "fat ass". FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 5

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 115

You deserved it 46 251

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 18 736

Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 578

You deserved it 2 837

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 590

You deserved it 890

Today, my mom won’t let me go to my boyfriend’s apartment. She says it’s because “I know what you guys are gonna do there I’m not stupid.” She threatened to kick me out of the house if I go. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 351

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 083

You deserved it 3 772