Nearly FMLs

By Kendall Frisbee - 02/11/2017 04:31

Today was a normal school day. I drive my best friend to and from school, and on our way to my car at the end of the day, I made a joke that she apparently didn’t like. She threw a fit, grabbed my keys, and locked herself in my car, refusing to let me in until another friend convinced her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 5

By "thehaystackerine" - 02/11/2017 03:22

Today I am so starved for even the simplest form of affection in my marriage, that when my wife informed me that the pop I was drinking was her friend's, I promptly got a raging boner at the thought of my lips being where another woman's had been... fml

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 12

By "MsAi" - 02/11/2017 10:11 - Philippines - Caloocan City

Today, I was eating rice cake for my breakfast when I tasted a weird flavor but just decided to enjoy it. It was too late when I realized it was a small roach. Its aftertaste still in my mouth.

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 14

By weeping_willow - 02/11/2017 01:19

Today, I realized that the only action I got on Valentine's Day, was a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 02/11/2017 01:06

I bought petroleum jelly, when I walked in the door my dad innocently asked me what I needed the “lube” for. I stuttered “it’s..... for aaaaa.....science project”. I’m 27.

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 15

By allyherightcurves246 - 01/11/2017 21:18

I work at a daycare. Today a child told me he had to poop, so I brought him to the bathroom. I was waiting out in the hallway when I heard a little voice asking me to help wipe. I went into the bathroom to find this child standing in front of the urinal with poop hanging out of his butt.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 7

By Sillyme11 - 01/11/2017 20:23

Today I did my hair in a cute bun and did my makeup in an effort to look older then 12. I'm 21. Well as I'm walking down the street a garbage Man says "you have stuff in your hair".(I had unknowingly walked into spider webs) then an other garbage man says "why are talking to that little girl" ...fml

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 6

By zia2345 - 01/11/2017 19:17

Today in choir class, we had to record a video of a quartet singing and turn it in. I rocked it and was confident until I saw that in the photobooth picture reel you could see my nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 60

By Anonymous - 01/11/2017 18:43

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time in months. He lost his erection during. I obviously didn't get to finish. He rolls out of bed and says "we should do that more often." really?? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 01/11/2017 17:29

today after spending all night at the hospital with my pregnant wife I went into work to be told I'm fired for 'calling off regularly'. this was my first offense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

By "BunnysKitty" - 01/11/2017 17:22

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he needed to use the only bathroom in the house before I went in to take a much needed bath. He said no. I then went into the kitchen to get myself an adult beverage and came out to find he locked himself in the bathroom to take his famous hour long shit. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 01/11/2017 15:06 - Romania - Bucharest

A few days ago I was making out with my bf and he thought it would be cool to take some pictures while I was doing oral. The next day he forgot his phone at home.. When he came back his mum told him she saw some inappropriate things in his phone. I don't think I wanna see his mum for a while...

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 19

By Badday - 01/11/2017 03:35

Today I took my wife's cat to the vet and he advised us to put it down, so after telling my wife I had the vet do it. By the end of the night my wife had bawled for at least an hour and finally I asked her why. Turns out I both forgot our anniversary, but also killed her car ON our anniversary. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 67

By FuckinRobots - 31/10/2017 19:40 - United States

Today I found an old VHS tape and decided to see what was on it. It was Hillbilly Porn staring my mother and her fake breasts. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 01/11/2017 01:14

Today, while going to take a train, I asked my girlfriend to check she was punching the way tikets and not the return ones. She yelled at me: "there's not Need to tell me! I'm not an idiot like you!" while punching the wrong tikets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 10

By Pepe - 31/10/2017 23:09 - Switzerland - Birsfelden

Today I was with my chick in a charming French countryside village, where we nibbled cheese and sipped wine until sundown. Motivated by the cheese-wine shits, I panhandled enough cash for an emergency maneuver in a public toilet. I barely made it, only to find empty TP. I’ll miss those socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 19

By unemployedandmiserable - 31/10/2017 21:56

Today, I began job searching after quitting my full time job of four months because it was too stressful. The search was so unfruitful that I wish I hadn’t quit and just put up with the panic attacks I was having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 21

By workworkwork - 31/10/2017 20:59

Today, I had to explain to my male boss why I can not move into his spare bedroom to save money on petrol and rent. This same boss insists that I go on a date with his neighbor despite having met my boyfriend. It's a hard no to both but he is still scheming and is sure he can convince me. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 8

By Glowworm - 31/10/2017 20:42

Today my dad came back from his walk this Halloween and told me that a man who lives a few streets away from us killed his wife. He wasn't kidding. The area is blocked off with cars and we can see it from our block. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 4

By ihatecondoms - 31/10/2017 12:05

Today. Me and my girlfriend used a condom for the first time, i ended up tying it and thowing it on the floor, then going to sleep. When i woke up to throw away said condom, my 3 year old sister was sucking on it. The condom broke.FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 67

By "xoxoblondee" - 31/10/2017 11:02

Today, my fiancé called off the wedding. I had been planning him a bachelor party with his best man, and he didn't like how "easily" I could lie to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 10

By Ashamed_Sister - 31/10/2017 10:06

Today, my brother took mom and me to a family reunion. We had to sit in the back seats where the legroom was only sufficient for little children. The passenger seat was occupied by his dog who would feel neglected if he had to give up his seat. Two hours of torture and we also have to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 10

By the_most_unfortunate - 31/10/2017 03:31 - United States - Valparaiso

As I was creating my account on here I turned around while looking at my phone and ran into a door that was being opened.. shattered my phone to shit and busted nose instantaneously

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 21

By Anonymous - 31/10/2017 07:00

This weekend I spent $700 to rent a cabin for a halloween party, thinking id make back what I spent if people pitched in after. Anyways, none of my friends went and the few people that did go only smoked weed and played beer pong then passed out by 9pm.

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 40

By ccoollikewinter - 31/10/2017 04:36

Today I went to view an apartment which I made an appointment to do with the landlord, cheapest in town, and I spent an hour looking at it and talking to the neighbors only find the current tenant standing in the doorway holding his resigned lease.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 7

By Maximista - 31/10/2017 02:03

Today my drunk room mate yelled at me and called me names for 15 minutes, sat in my husband's lap, told him they'd be a better couple than my husband and I, and recorded me on Facebook live without my knowledge. Gave him a 30 day notice. To which he responded that I screwed him over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 10

By Maximista - 31/10/2017 02:00

Today I evicted my abusive room mate, was yelled at by the room mate's mother, had a childhood friend taken off of life support, was $1300 short on rent, and was harassed by a co-worker. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 7

By Tails - 31/10/2017 01:48

Today I left my laptop at home...I had to write out the entire essay that I had worked to type out the night before for English 1st period...FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 38

By Anonymous - 31/10/2017 00:43

I found out that the guy that I’ve been seeing for a year and a half that I’m in love with has a secret email account that he uses for casual encounters on Craigslist with both males and females, and couples.

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 8

By vc_gamer - 30/10/2017 17:20 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, I realized that due to anxiety and fear, the only communication I have with people outside of work is from a mobile game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 11

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The Top

Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 688

You deserved it 10 007

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 016

You deserved it 4 982

Today, my landlord told me he is raising my rent next month. I thought he was kidding until he asked if I still wanted to live here. My landlord is also my live-in boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 188

You deserved it 3 981

Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire 2 acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 570

You deserved it 4 216

Today, I sent flowers to my ex, scheduled to be delivered after work in the evening. She texted me at midday thanking me for the flowers. I looked at my shipping order and they haven’t been sent yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 655

Today, I wondered if my orgasms are worth the bother, seeing as I get horrible "I feel like I'm dying" cramps every time I climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 022

You deserved it 2 993