Nearly FMLs

By xosofia - 06/01/2018 00:26

Today it was so busy at work, I was really looking forward to getting off. One of my coworkers couldn’t stop laughing at something on his phone. He shows me and says “look at this car covered in bird poop” it was my car. I just washed it this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 9

By ChromoTec - 05/01/2018 23:57

Today, my friends and I were doing a project where we had to create a scene of a play. We had a girl character, and my group was all males. They all unanimously chose me to be the girl part because I have "the most feminine form." I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 16

By flyby - 05/01/2018 19:58

Today, to get over a recent heartbreak, I contacted a notorious fuckboy for some therapeutic no strings attached sex. He stood me up.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 52

By "Kelsey01" - 05/01/2018 19:28

Yesterday I was sick, but my grandma asked me to take her $9000 ATV down to the mailbox to put something in it. When I got down there I started to feel queasy and ended up puking. As I did I accidentally pressed down on the gas pedal hitting the mailbox and breaking off the passenger side mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 13

By "Kelsey01" - 05/01/2018 19:19

Today I went over to my boyfriend's house. One thing led to another and we both ended up naked. As we were making out he looked me and said "I don't want to be together anymore." then got up and started playing video games while I was crying in his bed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 11

By mt21mt - 05/01/2018 17:25

Today, I finally gave up on ever being able to retrieve my Bitcoin wallet from years ago. I would like to forget about it completely, instead of dwelling on it. Except now every website I go to is targeting me with ads about Bitcoins. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 23

By Wolf49 - 05/01/2018 17:13 - Belgium - Turnhout

Today, I called my wife to tell her I didn't want to get the divorce we've been contemplating. I'm stationed overseas, but that isn't her fault, I still love her, I want to make things work. She came back with the news that she's been sleeping with my friend and is moving out of our house into his.

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 8

By DataWog - 05/01/2018 06:10 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went to my GF's family's Christmas dinner. I managed to spray red wine all over myself, her nephew, and her brothers furniture with a single uncoordinated hand wave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 21

By Anonymous - 04/01/2018 21:17

Today, my boss refused to pay me for my work. She claims that I have calculated my hours wrong and wanted to trick her. According to her, 9 hours 30 minutes is not 9,5 hour, but 9,3. And 7,75 hour does not mean 7 hours 45 minutes, but 8 hours 15 minutes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 6

By Renzo - 04/01/2018 14:28 - United States - Albemarle

Today I came home and decided to go through my girlfriends phone. I trusted her but she had been acting strange lately. Come to find out she’s sending nudes to her ex and texting her supervisor sexually. I just moved in with her and her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 04/01/2018 18:44

Today, I mentioned to a male co-worker that I did not appreciate him asking me for nudes and harassing me. Turns out it was actually a female co-worker that took his phone. They both refuse to see what they did wrong. We all have the same schedule. Here come uncomfortable work days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 6

By Notmydoggo - 04/01/2018 10:59 - Turkey - Koca

Today, my sister brought over her new puppy, even thought my mother and husband are highly allergic. Not only do my mother and husband hide in their rooms all day, but the puppy is still not fully house trained. Guess who has to clean the feces while my sister is glued to her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 11

By EternallyEmbarrassed - 04/01/2018 01:02 - Canada - Chatham

Today, my boyfriend decided to put me in a choke hold and wouldn't let go even though I was struggling. He made me pass out and piss myself all over his new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 8

By Badmommy - 04/01/2018 06:23

Today, my toddler puts me in time-out because I didn't clean the dishes. Yesterday I got a time-out for forgetting to wash his favorite shirt. I want him to learn all actions have consequences for everyone, so I have to go along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 99

By Kyle From Canada - 03/01/2018 21:32 - Canada - Edmonton

Today my girlfriend was having a bad day. So I thought it would be nice to order her a pizza while I was away from home. So the pizza gets there and her roommates start yelling, asking who is paying for this pizza. The delivery driver didn't realize I prepaid... All I tried to do is make her day.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

By Swimminginguys - 03/01/2018 23:38

Today, my boyfriend of two years decided that he doesn't find me attractive, but didn't think to tell me until now because "it's not so bad when we are intimate". Apparently, if I lose my double chin I'll be 'swimming in guys'. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 10

By "AJisAJ" - 03/01/2018 21:46

Today my 8 month old proudly waved around his new teething toy to my Mother In Law. What was it? An unused tampon in its wrapper that he had just crawled out of the bathroom with. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 25

By Chell - 03/01/2018 14:49 - Canada - Ancaster

Today is the third time this week I have stepped in moist cat barf, courtesy of the new carpet my mum bought specifically because it hides the messes so well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 03/01/2018 14:03 - United States

Today, I got back to my dorm room from Christmas break. When I entered, I found out that someone had broken into my room and stolen my brand new TV and my xbox. I'm probably not getting them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 03/01/2018 08:34

Today, a guy told me he thinks I'll be a 40 yr old virgin. "Not because of your looks, but cause you're unapproachable and give off a vibe like you're uninterested in people and that stuff." I'm 18, never dated, and the furthest I've gone with any guy is a high five. Maybe he's onto something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 20

By "ihateeverydayofmyfuckinglife" - 03/01/2018 06:42

My boyfriend of eleven months showed up at the dinner, I was supposed to meet my mom boyfriend's son. Apparently he is gonna be my step brother in a few months.

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 9

By makeitstop - 03/01/2018 06:17

Today I have had a bad case of the hiccups for over 12 hours. Who knew hiccups could cause sore ABS, painful swallowing, vomiting, and a dislocated shoulder? FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

By "Roseicat" - 03/01/2018 00:40 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I woke sweating and shaking with pleasure from an intense sex dream. My co-star? my overweight ageing father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 18

By "Dani Sears" - 02/01/2018 20:26

Today, I found out that my coworker recorded the times I went to the bathroom and gave it to my boss. Six times, over a 12 hour shift. I was drinking a lot of water. The same person has admitted to making another coworker cry, and takes a 25 minute break, that are supposed to be 15 minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 9

By Jo1088 - 02/01/2018 20:15

Today, I was fighting with my brother over the last working charger in the house. I got it from him, but my victory was short. When I plugged it in, I found out that it had stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 28

By ok123 - 02/01/2018 17:48

Today my parents left to go on vacation. They took my three siblings, but taking me was too expensive, I am 14 FML.

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 4

By bill - 02/01/2018 17:26

Today, my friend sent me a dick-pic to show to my "hot" sister because he doesn't have her added on snapshot yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 15

By Brapo68 - 02/01/2018 11:39

Today we were teaching my son how to use the potty, when all of the sudden he pooped on the floor. As my wife was cleaning him up, and I was running to the bathroom to get toilet paper our dog decided she wanted to help too. Let's just say she has some pretty crappy breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 13

By benben13 - 02/01/2018 08:44

Today I found out my ex is engaged. This means that every single person I have ever gone out with (even just one date) has married, or will marry, the very next girl they date. I'm a real life good luck Chuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 11

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The Top

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 670

You deserved it 5 141

Today, one of my roommates bought new cowboy boots. He insists on wearing them indoors. Every morning he paces up and down the linoleum areas of the apartment with the boots on until he absolutely has to go to work, waking us up with the clomping noises. I and my other roommate work night and graveyard shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 100

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 441

You deserved it 2 803

Today, my boss created a WhatsApp group called "Forever Alone", added me and only me, and then left so that I could be the only person in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 299

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 733

You deserved it 8 241

Today, I had to explain racism to my son after some of his school friends were talking about it. Another parent then stormed up to us, pissed off because even though I was explaining how bad racism is, just talking about it is itself racist, and he was offended by me. He made my son cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 256