Nearly FMLs

By well shit that just happened - 08/01/2018 15:54

Today, I got off work and began my drive home. The roads were slick so I was going well under the speed limit. Too bad that didn’t matter when I hit a sheriff. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 08/01/2018 13:49

I went to Urgent Care because I had an infected abscess on my thigh. When the doctor examined it, she pulled up google on her cell phone to see how she is supposed to make the incision.

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 11

By "finian1108" - 08/01/2018 12:16

Today, a girl accused me of stalking her because I watched a TV show that she recommended to me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 08/01/2018 09:56

Today, my husband and I learned that we should not have Xbox connect in the bedroom. It turned itself on during a wild and intimate moment between us. Let's just say, only the Xbox finished. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 20

By beantoes - 08/01/2018 07:10

A few months ago, my boyfriend of three years said to me that he needed to get his hair cut, and a mutual, female friend of ours was going to do it for him. Naturally, I became concerned, but he joked and told me not to worry. A week later he left me, and today I found out he had left me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 18

By "lost_in_wonderland" - 08/01/2018 01:58

Today my mother sent me a message saying "hope you're spending your 21st birthday well".. my birthday is the 4th..and I just turned 22 FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 6

By small thing, big problems - 07/01/2018 23:45

Today, I finally gave in and sent the girl I’m seeing a dick pic. I don’t usually send them cause I’m embarrassed that I’ve got a small dick. After seeing it, she responded with “if that’s really what you’re packing, I’d rather go back to my ex”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 31

By SoEmbarrassed - 07/01/2018 23:40

Today, I got a lot of comments and likes on a photo I posted on Facebook on my first boxing match. Too bad the photo that I actually posted was of me holding my dick. All of my friends have seen it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 90

By Anxious - 07/01/2018 21:54

Today, my anxiety has gotten so bad I’m worried my husband isn’t the father of our baby. I haven’t had sex with anyone else in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 20

By Lizziekeen - 07/01/2018 14:50

Today, Being the curious wife, I am decided to ask my husband of 5 years, why he barely touched me for the first two years of our marriage. He admitted that I was too big for him at the time to which caused him to have an ‘erectile dysfunction’. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 9

By "jessiebear159" - 07/01/2018 01:33 - United States - Menahga

Today, while putting new sheets on the bed, I slipped and fell between the bed and the wall (there's not much space). I texted my husband, who was taking a dump, that I needed help because I was stuck. He sent laughing images and took another half hour in the bathroom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 07/01/2018 07:05

Today, after not having sex for months, I dreamed I was with two gorgeous women. They both denied me sex as well FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 9

By Fl321AGL - 07/01/2018 05:04

Today my mother in law gave us some snacks she wasn't going to eat. When I got home, I saw the big snack bag we gave her as one of her Christmas gifts. The same snack bag I got as a Christmas gift from a coworker. So I got regifted a gift that I refitted myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 72

By forever alone - 06/01/2018 22:12

Today, I asked my crush to hang out with me via text, in which she said that she already had plans. No more than ten minutes later, she posted on Facebook, " no plans for tonight, somebody hit me up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 9

By JabbaTheCock - 06/01/2018 17:20 - Denmark

Today, I finally managed to get my girlfriend to watch Star Wars with me AND she loved it! In fact, she loved it so much, she decided to nickname my penis "Jabba the Cock". She giggles every time she says it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 19

By Poomi - 06/01/2018 13:16 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, the random-wrong-number guy I've been flirting anonymously on whatsapp, showed up at my office. Turned out not only he, has known who I am the whole time, but also he's my boss' son! FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 06/01/2018 06:32

Today, with no training at all my boss made me drive the short bus to pick up kids from school. I crashed into the side of a gate. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 19

By CharybdisClan - 06/01/2018 06:15

Today, my $30,000 piece of work equipment got broken. The repair shop said it was dropped. Nobody is confessing to dropping it, and I’m looking at being fired from the best job I’ve had for the past eight years. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 6

By Mäuschen - 06/01/2018 05:35

Today, after a fight, I asked my boyfriend to leave for the night. He decided to leave for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 93

By "clutzirella" - 06/01/2018 04:42

Today, I was standing at work and I guess my ankle just gave up because it buckled, causing me to smash my knee against a display case hard. I had to bite my tongue not to curse in front of a customer in our high end jewelry store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 10

By Ms. Communication - 05/01/2018 22:02 - Canada - Montr?al

Today the girl I like was supposed to meet me at the theatre for a play at her suggestion. It was going to be just the two of us for the first time. I bought the non-refundable, non- changeable tickets since she was broke. She spaced and went drinking with work buddies. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 8

By "CrazyDanceGirl04" - 06/01/2018 12:28 - Australia - Brightview

Today, my nine year old cousin came over. She started playing with my phone. When she left I found a random dick pic on my phone. She had sent multiple messages to my boss and ex-boyfriend's saying that I loved them. My exes had frantically called me, and my boss sent the pic.

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 21

By BellaD13 - 05/01/2018 21:19 - United States - Short Hills

Today, I still had to go to work in the snow storm, they compared to a hurricane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 10

By "BigBellyBurger" - 05/01/2018 21:10 - United States - New York

Today, I have a nine hour flight. As if that isn't enough, my father got drunk before the flight and can't stop screaming '' ok ok ok ok''. It is going to be a long flight.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 4

By mustanggt - 06/01/2018 02:36

Today, I discovered that the moisture in my breath could freeze my scarf to my face and keep any air from getting in. I had to punch myself in the face to remove it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 16

By foreverblue - 06/01/2018 02:35

Today I went on a date with the hottest guy ever, and completely embarrassed myself by getting really drunk and asking him if he likes to be called daddy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 06/01/2018 01:51

Today I went to the mall to pick up my package. Went out to my truck the starter decided to die it is currently 7 degrees. The new starter is laying on the floor of the truck and my tools are in the house. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 11

By ThatsDoctorBitchToYou - 06/01/2018 01:30

Today, while working at my retail job, a woman pointed me out to her child and said, "That's why you go to college, so you don't wind up like her." I'm a second year medical student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 459

You deserved it 284

By Morty or Morticia - 06/01/2018 00:52

Today we found out that Morty (the gerbil) is actually Morticia when we found her 8 little babies. She’s probably already pregnant again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 8

By "tonyfan00" - 06/01/2018 00:47

Today, at an intake appointment, I was forced to tell someone I had never seen before how often I masturbated, as well as "what I look at", all in heavy detail. As if that's not bad enough, I had to say all this to my mother sitting right next to me, as she was not allowed to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 17

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was waiting in the car for my roommate to come outside so we could get to work. He was taking his sweet ass time. And there was a large wasp flying around. And I have a fear of bees. And the window refused to roll up. I sat there, frozen in fear, until he finally came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 233

Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 230

Today, I was let go at work. About 2 years ago, we had hired an eager-to-learn "assistant" for me. When they canned me, they let me know that I should've trained him faster so I could've been fired sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 989

You deserved it 331

Today, the county jail called. My estranged husband is being released, after spending a quality, week-long visit for restraining order violations. Merry Christmas to me and the only peace I've felt in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 136

Today, two years after marrying my fun, adventurous fiancée, she's turned into a whiny, nagging bore. Date nights are now "eat leftovers and watch reality TV nights" and sex is once a month, with her asking, "Are you about to finish? Are you almost done?" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 160

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 628

You deserved it 4 242