Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 14/01/2018 02:41

Today, after 2 days of being told by the cat shelter my pet would be returned to me, I was told my cat is at a transitional foster home because she had "a bad attitude". I would have a bad attitude as well if I were illegally trapped abducted, then handed over to the new parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 5

By blindman - 14/01/2018 01:30

Today, I scrambled up some eggs and found that I was out of pepper. I used pepper spray instead, thinking it would be the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 11 730

By "kkaseeno" - 13/01/2018 22:03

Today, I got hit by a car going about 30mph and got injured. I had the right away and was in a crosswalk. But the cop decided he didn't like my criminal record and came to the hospital.. to give ME a ticket!? "to protect the driver so I can't sue" WTF!?! I'm supposed to pay for being hit by a car? FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 5

By vaginurz - 13/01/2018 04:20 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I woke up from a really great wet dream to see and feel that I bled through my pad and pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 13/01/2018 05:44 - New Zealand

Today, I went to a trampoline park with some friends. Within 15 minutes I dislocated my right arm. I'm right-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 16

By ThatDidn’tLast - 13/01/2018 03:48 - United States - Cleveland

Today, after convincing myself I’d be careful with it for three months, I bought all new white bedding. It hasn’t even been half a day and I already managed to stain it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 13/01/2018 08:28

Today, I decided to have a wank after getting home from a long day. During the climax, my grandpa, who just bought cookies came home and jovially called for me. While struggling to get dressed, he came in and asked what I was doing, got an eye full, and awkwardly left. At least there’s cookies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 27

By Discriminated - 13/01/2018 07:38

Today, I had an interview for a management position. After I told my interviewer that I had a bachelor's in psych, she then proceeded to tell me to "try not to use my psychology in the workplace" because apparently, my psychology background means that I would be too lenient. Talk about prejudice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 7

By stupid - 13/01/2018 07:13

Today, while I was at work, I realized exactly how bad I am at remembering faces when I said hello to the same customer three times in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 16

#confused

By Anonymous - 13/01/2018 05:00

Today, I was diagnosed with dangerously low body weight, and food addiction. At the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 490

You deserved it 321

By Anonymous - 12/01/2018 22:47 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I searched my phone and memory for the name of the one night stand I had a month ago, after 6 months of celibacy. Because I found out I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 88

By ForeverBlue - 13/01/2018 00:44 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went on a date with the hottest guy ever, and I ruined it completely by getting embarrassingly drunk and asking him if he likes to be called daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 87

By PISSed off - 12/01/2018 19:33 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I went to bed as usual with my dog sleeping on top of my head. What was unusual, was that he felt too lazy to let me know he had to use the restroom, so he instead just went where he was sleeping. I woke up covered in urine, with some getting in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 29

By Lily - 12/01/2018 22:21 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, my 89 y/o grandma, who is a cancer patient and has a tumor in her bladder, decided to shove her FULL catheter bag right into my face to show me "the huge piece of the tumor that she had to push out today". It was bloody and looked like a ball of phlegm. The image is burned into my retinas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

By "Marelena20" - 12/01/2018 21:36

Today, I was having dinner with family at a relative's place when I felt something hard in the mouth. It was a nail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 3

By Mimi - 12/01/2018 21:19

Today, as my husband was visiting my downstairs, he paused for a moment saying uh-oh as he raised his head. I look to see what's wrong only to discover his face full of blood. It turns out his nose had started bleeding. What a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 6

By "Anonymous_One1 " - 12/01/2018 21:13

Today, I went into a gas station to buy a pack of Ramen noodles (One single pack) and my card got declined the man behind the counter shook his head and canceled my stuff, he then looked me dead in the face and said "just go... on your way out grab a drink" FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 12/01/2018 20:31

Today, I found out for my estimated 2 1/2 hour procedure that I will be awake the whole time. Restrained. Not to worry though, apparently I will have plenty of numbing injections and Valium..... I have severe anxiety.

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 6

By Mae - 12/01/2018 20:08

Today, I found out my husband (32 years old) had an affair with a 19 year old while he was training in El Paso. During the same time, I was at home taking care of our 2 year old son, miscarrying our second child and grieving the death of my grandmother. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 9

By "DawnDarke" - 12/01/2018 20:08

Today, the paint my dad had bought me to use in the house was frozen solid. It's latex based so it's now unusable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

By Feeling Betrayed - 12/01/2018 16:13

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t “like me just the way I am”, wants me to lose weight, and threatened to leave me if I don’t. This, after I spent so much time helping him get back on his feet so he could go back to college and get a job again. I’m not even that overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 20

By Unemployable - 12/01/2018 15:57

Today, I submitted four resumes and cover letters and realized after the fact that I had, "Dear Hiring Mangers" on all four. The typo was missed by three proofreaders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

By just a dude with some porn - 12/01/2018 08:45

Today, I was masturbating about 30 minutes ago and as I was about to cum I got a terribly painful cramp in my right leg, causing me to yell in pain, making my family members to come check on me, cum everywhere, me screaming, and porn still playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 75

By Open mouth Insert foot - 12/01/2018 01:24 - United States - Warren

Today, my friend told me that his girlfriend was about to have a beautiful baby daughter. Having watched too many talk shows the next words that came flying out of my mouth were "Is it your's?" It's a wonder we're still friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 30

By Rocky - 12/01/2018 06:52

Today, I found out my best friend is pregnant. I would be excited for her if I wasn't her surrogate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 15

By Aiding&Abetting? - 12/01/2018 04:47

Today, I got fired from my job of four years... for doing my job. I told somebody where chopsticks were (I work at a convenience store) and they ended up stealing it. So I got fired because this person stole chopstick and it was apparently my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 11/01/2018 18:16 - United States - Deer Park

Today my phone decided to factory reset itself. My back ups I've been making failed somehow and now I've lost everything on it. Including the last pictures anyone in my family took my grandfather Before he passed away 2 weeks ago... FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 10

By Chels - 12/01/2018 01:05

Today, it's the conclusion of the first two weeks of the year. 1 new furnace, 2 truck repairs and a root canal. Good bye $4,000, it was nice knowing you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

By No Choice - 11/01/2018 12:24 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that my unborn daughter will have severe down syndrome. I also found out that my wife is staunchly pro-life (it never came up). There goes the next 40 years of my life. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 11/01/2018 15:05 - Canada - Markham

Today I went to the optometrist for a regular eye exam. They rushed me to the hospital and after waiting 6 hours and having a needle poked in my eye I found out I had a detached retina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some fun at around 3:00 am and during our fun I flipped her over quite roughly and, as she landed on the bed, I'd accidentally dislocated her shoulder. For the next 2 hours we didn’t know whether to call an ambulance or her sister, so we had to put it back in place ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 393

Today, my boss was angry at me because I had filed a complaint about him refusing to change our phone service to something more reliable. Later, a customer called him and said I had hung up on him. I got fired. I didn't hang up on the customer, the phone service just dropped the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 086

You deserved it 2 749

Today, the power went out so my family all stayed together in a one room to keep warm. I was on the bed against the wall and reached my hand down, only to find my panties tucked in the side of my brother's bed. Not one pair, but two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 113

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party in a packed karaoke bar/restaurant and I drunkenly agreed to sing. I picked a song I thought I knew by heart, only to realize halfway through that the lyrics on the screen were not at all what I thought they were. My brain went for a smoke break or something, and I turned into a rambling mess. The crowd actually booed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 401

Today, I was on a date, everything was charming and fun, so I went in for a kiss. She turned her head at the last second, and I ended up kissing her ear. We both went on to pretend that it didn’t happen, but the silence was deafening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 118

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple of seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 968

You deserved it 6 412