Nearly FMLs

By "redhead_devileyes" - 28/02/2018 03:14

Today, found out that the guy I had a fling with for 5 months last year is married and is my fiance's brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 127

By "Sniperkitty99" - 27/02/2018 16:11 - United States

Today, a delivery truck came in early. I had to unload 20 Queen sized mattresses alone. I'm 5'1". FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 6

By Seriously? - 27/02/2018 20:16

Today, I decided to get my mom tickets to her favorite morning show, Live with Ryan and Kelly. Instead of joy, I got a loud sigh and a complaint about driving there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 1

By SadLarry - 27/02/2018 19:28

Today, I walked in on the same friend who stopped me from dating my other friend's ex, who I have been madly in love with for years, as it would have been wrong and unforgivable even though she also had feelings for me. Coincidentally, I walked in on him having sex with the same girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 27/02/2018 17:00

Today, the girl I'm in love with (my neighbor and ex gf) decided to talk to me again after going MIA for 5 months, we had sex and I spent the night at her place, she apologized, cried and I told her I wasn't mad about it, now she's MIA again FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 23

By rubberduck_of_doom - 27/02/2018 16:55

Today, after a weekend of uncontrolled binge eating, I gained back all the weight I managed to loose over a period of 3 months of rigorous workouts and a strict diet plan. So much for a healthier lifestyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 79

By Crunch - 27/02/2018 13:53

Today, when I took out my computer to start studying for my Chem final, which is tomorrow, I found it crushed and broken. My mother ended up crushing my $1500 laptop when my backpack accidentally rolled under her driver's seat, and she lowered her seat right on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 26

By Sar - 27/02/2018 00:21 - United States - Nampa

Today, I let my crippling social anxiety prevent me from answering the phone. The call came from one of the many places I've applied to for my first real job. It's the first callback I've received in weeks. I need this job badly, but I'm too scared to call back and I think I blew my chances. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 69

By arisa - 27/02/2018 06:51

Today, I got a big fat 0 on a paper worth 25 percent of my grade because I used contractions. I am a freshman in college and was not made aware of this rule by the professor or anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 16

By lonelyme - 26/02/2018 20:35

Today, and every other day for the last 3 months, my boyfriend refused to have sex with me. I then walked in on him jacking off. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 17

By "starwars93" - 26/02/2018 02:56

Today, my fiancee started coughing uncontrollably. when asked if she was okay, her response was "Do you ever forget to breathe?" I'm genuinely concerned for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 8

By Ijustwantsleep - 26/02/2018 01:41 - United Kingdom - Pitton

Today, my dog threw up in my bedroom. This normally wouldn’t be a problem as it’s part of owning a pet, however, my dad didn’t tell me the dog had eaten compost on his walk that morning. Have you ever smelled partially digested compost? I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 5

By jen - 25/02/2018 17:20 - United States - Edmond

Today, a guy next to me loudly accused me of farting. While everyone else laughed and I explained to him that I don't find that funny, he told me I need to 'grow up'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 9

By Lili - 25/02/2018 17:05 - United States - Edmond

Today, multiple people have informed my boyfriend that I am cheating on him. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 6

By gokuknowsbest - 25/02/2018 18:32

Today, this is the fourth time today someone has opened a door and hit me in the face. It's not even noon yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 11

By Addianna - 25/02/2018 18:25

Today I learned that the “age spot” on my face is in fact a wart that I have unknowingly spread across my face due to scratching and now need painful treatments to remove them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 16

By fuckt - 25/02/2018 17:51

Today, my daughter's search history contained, "How to quit smoking without your parents knowing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 12

By Somepoorsoul - 25/02/2018 17:26

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years looked at me and said "Put a shirt on, no one wants to see that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 19

By Definitely fired - 25/02/2018 11:13

Today, after being told that I take too many days off due to severe anxiety attacks, and that if I have any more I’ll most likely lose my job, I cut the tip of my finger off and have been told I need to take 10 days off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 15

By Blie - 25/02/2018 09:18 - Austria - Wilhelmsburg

Today I woke up to my toddler crying and my girlfriend shouting from the bathroom "Please go, I'm taking a shit!" So I stepped out of bed - directly on the diaper which he managed to undo himself. I slipped on it and fell face forward right into cold cat puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 11

By shin-shin - 25/02/2018 07:15

Today, I was attacked by my 2-year-old cousin. I couldn't fight back for fear of hurting him, so I just had to be still and take it. He continued assaulting me for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 82

By luna - 25/02/2018 07:07

Today, my doctor informed me that I am lactose intolerant and have celiac disease as well as multiple food allergies including nuts and most fruits. My parents are also forcing me to go vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 13

By AndThey'reUselessToMeNow! - 25/02/2018 06:25

Today, I was cleaning out the car my ex and I used to share before I left him a year and a half ago. Opened a small cubby box I haven't cleaned out in a while, found a string of hardened condoms that I absolutely did not know about. Guess it's a good thing he's an ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 5

By Sad Mangos - 25/02/2018 03:17

Today, my ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 times in the last 15 days and then got angry at me for not fighting for the relationship the third time he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 25/02/2018 01:38

Today, my husband informed me that he was fine with me working to improve my health and my career, as long as it didn't affect him in the slightest. I have to weigh going back for my Master's against him not wanting to do dishes, and I think I'm losing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 9

By Kay - 25/02/2018 00:27

Today, I budgeted out my paychecks for the first time, realized I only made a total of $1,010 (USD), and I need 5 grand to move out from my ex-boyfriends house. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 23:06

Today I opened my husbands phone to Google something (as my phone was in a different room) to see he has babysitter porn open... fml

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 20:07

Today we got yet another delivery of flowers for my young girl from some admiring boy. When my older girl, who never gets asked out, rolled her eyes and said "Who are THOSE for, " I said for some reason, "They're for you!" She jumped up and excitedly screamed "ohmygod from who?" I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 111

By KaD - 24/02/2018 12:01 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I realized I STILL can't do my taxes since my employer hasn't sent a W2 even after calling them. Same employer that fired me from my dream job after ten days, admitting they lied to me about the position they were hiring me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 7

By sugardaddy - 24/02/2018 15:59

Today, I was at a dealership with my dad buying a car. The salesman asked, "So how long have you been married?" My dad pointed at me and blurted out, "To him?" I'm not sure if it was a joke or genuine misunderstanding, but the rest of the sale was very awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 6

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The Top

Today, I picked up some of my friends from a bar downtown. They were pretty drunk and were yelling stupid things at people walking by. After stopping to let a fat guy cross the street, they yelled, "Hurry up fatty!" He responded by throwing his milkshake at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 620

You deserved it 822

Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 117

Today, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me a week before my prom because he found out that he liked my best friend instead. However, she likes someone else anyways, so were now both left brokenhearted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 124

Today, I got a call from my brother-in-law's doctor. Apparently he's made threats and fantasizes about killing me. "Notifying you is the protocol for things like this" he said, and ended the conversation with, "have a nice day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 008

You deserved it 276

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 779

You deserved it 343

Today, I found out why my five-year-old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 585

You deserved it 3 692