Nearly FMLs

By dingleberry - 18/02/2018 23:51

Today, after I was having sex in doggie with my boyfriend, there was a smell. Later, reaching behind me, I felt a dry ball of poop in the location of my butthole. There’s no way he couldn’t have seen or smelt it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 41

By NiagaraFalls - 18/02/2018 12:25 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I ate some sugar-free lemon bread for breakfast. Little did I know, sugar substitutes also act as powerful laxatives. I've been releasing a waterfall of laxative distress every 30 minutes, and I have to go to work in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 18/02/2018 15:57

Today, is my birthday. I told my friends, jokingly, that what I wanted was to be skinny. While I was out, my friends took my spare key and stole my food, plates, and utensils. I came home to find my refrigerator stuffed full of lettuce on the picture on my phone of them eating my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 18/02/2018 12:42 - Finland

Today was my relative's funeral. We were on tight schedule, and as soon as we got to the church parking lot, our 2 year old daughter vomited all over herself. We couldn't change her clothes, and the car smells like rotten bananas now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 3

By Alex - 18/02/2018 09:56

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years told me she wanted to see other people. She said she wanted "more variety." She decided to drop that bomb the day before I start my new job, at 4am, that I'm already really nervous about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 2

By Dr. Pepper - 18/02/2018 01:21 - United States - Claremore

Today, I got a drink at the local gas station as I usually do in the morning, but didn't realize that they were out of mix until I got to work and took a sip of my brown, carbonated water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 18/02/2018 09:05 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I was giving my boyfriend early morning birthday sex. Just after we both finished, his mother calls. He answered and had a 5 minute conversation with her. I was still in him... he groaned as I slipped out. #FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 22:22 - United States - Lincoln

Today I came home after attending a family event alone and brought my boyfriend back some dinner. After having slept until 3 and woken up to get high and play video games I’m then ‘unfair downer’ for asking him to please use the headset so I can finish working on my laptop. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 13

By CompulsiveGamer - 18/02/2018 07:11

Today, I realized I remember a video game school's layout better than mine. The virtual school is almost 3 times as big as my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 48

By Switched - 17/02/2018 21:11 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my Nintendo Switch and tv were destroyed by my wife. It was because we were playing Zelda and she wanted a turn. The Joy-Cons aren’t symmetrical, though, and this annoyed her to them point where she threw the controller, picked up the stand, and threw it, taking the tv with it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 8

By Fifthday - 17/02/2018 20:01 - United States

Today, I looked over and watched as my dog happily ate away at the boogers he was being fed by my husband. I married a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 20

By FriendFamiliesFTW - 18/02/2018 00:32

Today, my mostly estranged father made his annual phone call and asked me how school was going. I have a serious chronic illness and it's taken me 14 years on and off to get through a degree. I got to tell him that I graduated with a First. His response? "Oh? Are you sure?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 5

By Masture - 17/02/2018 23:31

Today, I was masturbating when my father came in the room. He took one look at me, winked, thumbs-upped, and left, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 19

By Barfo - 17/02/2018 16:56 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at a party, my friend dared me to drink my cat’s vomit. I refused but I tripped and fell by the puddle. Then, my girlfriend shoved my face into the vomit carpet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 22:44

Today, we went out on a fishing charter, I was sick for 4 hours straight without even touching my rod & the boys caught a black Marlin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 22:33

Today, while driving I hydroplaned and my car spun 180 degrees. Afterwards, while sitting there terrified for a second, another car honked and flipped me off for being in their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 8

By "Carl'sRightEye" - 17/02/2018 22:18

Today, some chemicals at work got on my hands. It burned so I ran it under water and washed it off. I went to tell my boss about it and he knew. He said that glass cleaner had spilled on the truck that morning. Two other teens had burns on their hands too. No first aid was offered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1

By HateMyJob - 17/02/2018 21:19

Today, I came into work early so I can leave early. What I got instead was my boss threatening my job that I can't come and go when I want. He gave me permission to come in early in the first place, now he denies it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 3

By Legend Mantis - 17/02/2018 20:41

Today, I had to break it to my fiancé that was planning her a surprise birthday party, because she cried super hard when her friends pretended that they weren’t gonna be able to see her. Instead of being happy, she screamed, everyone lied to her and she hated me and doesn’t want to see anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 8

By workworkwork - 17/02/2018 20:25

Today, my boyfriend not only forgot that it was Valentine's day, but that it was also my birthday. He reprimanded me for not reminding him as he drank the expensive bourbon I bought him. Fml.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 8

By Partyof1 - 17/02/2018 12:29 - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, I invited these acquaintances over to play video games. He took off his shoes and foot funk filled the room. He left about 30 minutes later. I aired the room and sprayed air freshener. The smell remained. All bedding had to be washed because his foot funk penetrated the fabric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 16:46

Today, I was in music class and was asked to do a solo song with guitar and vocals. After finished this guy came up to me and said 'you did great! Do you wanna get lunch sometime?' After saying no my best friend came up to me and said 'wow. And you cry cause you're single'. I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 13:00

Today, my girlfriend slapped me with her nails a few months ago, it didn’t even break the skin but it somehow still became a scar. I have fingernail scratch mark scars on my face and it’s super obvious what they are from so I get judged as a prick everywhere I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 6

By "sara moore" - 17/02/2018 04:23 - United States

Today, my dog stole my hot chocolate from me. Then spit it all over my blankets.. It's 4:22am and I'm washing blankets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 9

By "Aaw1" - 17/02/2018 09:29

Today, after a year of his guessed pronunciations, I finally corrected my boss on how to pronounce my name. It's only 2 syllables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 9

By Österreich - 17/02/2018 09:10

Today, I asked my girlfriend if we could try anal. She responded, "Yes.“ I will never forget the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 118

By Mr T - 17/02/2018 16:45 - Australia - Glenfield

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend only dated me for a few weeks because she felt sorry as I am overweight. How did I find out? She is currently dating my best friend of 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 7

By "tommysoxfan" - 17/02/2018 05:38

Today, I found out my wife has been cheating on me with my old high school bully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 4

By Melis_sileM - 17/02/2018 01:33 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing condoms from my brother's bedroom. I'm on the pill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 13

By Again - 17/02/2018 01:30

Today, I was one of the last people to tell my mom "Happy Birthday". The first thing she says is "everyone else has been saying Happy Birthday all day, you're the last one." But did everyone else flies cross country when you were in the hospital? Really hard to love her sometimes.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 8

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 457

You deserved it 3 773

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 659

You deserved it 3 381

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 084

You deserved it 9 726

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 946

You deserved it 5 663

Today, I told my boyfriend he needed to wash his sheets more often after I discovered the same wet spot from the last time I slept over. He shrugged and said, “What’s the big deal babe? It’s your spot.” It’s been over two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 179

Today, I found out that my unemployed and very needy mother-in-law will be moving in with us soon. And during my conversation on the phone with her, she expects us to buy a house and my wife and I can "live with her." My wife agrees with all of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 995

You deserved it 2 742