Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/02/2018 11:46 - Australia - Brisbane

Today at work I really had to shit and as I dropped my pants I thought a nugget fell out. I looked at my pants and the bowl and was all good so I finished and left. Two hours later, my co-worker found a nugget on the floor and everyone knows it's mine... FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 28

By Sux - 21/02/2018 01:02

Today, My boyfriend of 7 years came home with flowers all romantic then told me he was getting married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 7

By "sunshineandroses" - 20/02/2018 22:30

Today, a condo in my complex went up for sale, which would have been fine if it wasn't a larger unit priced $20k less than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 2

By "Kaitlyne Townsend" - 20/02/2018 21:54

Today, I lost my ticket to get on my bus from school, I was stuck at the bus stop for 2hrs. I found it in my jacket pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 46

By Anonymous - 20/02/2018 20:46

Today, this morning my teenage daughter was a precious innocent angel. Tonight she is a married woman who had a secret quickie marriage to her deposit boyfriend because she’s 3 months pregnant. Her dad got so mad he chased our new son in law up the road threatening to rip his belly rocks off FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 7

By MidnaLink - 20/02/2018 20:22

Today, despite only having two accidents within the past six years, my joint insurance policy with my mother will not allow me to drive our car after March 31. I drive this car to work and back at least three times a week. My own policy will be huge on my own, and I don’t live close to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 14

By Connor Martin - 20/02/2018 11:40 - United States - Cheyenne

Today was my first day at my new job. I got sent home because “I had a bad attitude.” Five minutes into my job a customer backed into my car. Idk who’s happy at that moment. I tried to explain that to my boss. That was my last day of my new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 20/02/2018 05:24 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was released from police custody after they finally realized the "armed robbery" they witnessed me committing was part of a YouTube movie shoot and not an actual crime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 43

By Bree - 20/02/2018 10:42

Today my dog ate cat poop and then vomited it all over the bed, two rugs and a bunch of clean clothes. While cleaning it up, I too vomited on the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 7

By Has a Cat - 20/02/2018 07:44

Today, my cat had diarrhea in the middle of the living room when I was out at work. In my absence, my Roomba attempted to clean it up. I now have cat shit smeared all over my apartment floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 15

By "Michaela R" - 19/02/2018 22:48 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my brother compare our parents to "white supremacist slave owners" and himself to "an abused slave". Why? Because our mother said he couldn't sleep on the couch. Our family is white, and I have to live with this idiot for two more years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 2

By cmchappy - 20/02/2018 01:46

Today, I realised that the guys I have to babysit in work because they are incapable, leading me to do most their work, earn a lot more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 9

By Stomachtransplant? - 19/02/2018 23:40

Today, I had such awful acid reflux I damaged my esophagus and it took hours to get to the point I could eat. My housemates got Chinese and I ate a few of their mushrooms. Turns out I'm now badly allergic to MSG and I now look like a red balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 4

By certified ass wiper - 19/02/2018 22:56

Today, a resident at the nursing home I work at dug poop out of his briefs to launch at me when I walked in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 19/02/2018 21:57

Today, I waved a bus through the stop because I wasn’t getting on it. There was a lady next to me who was taking it. She was my boss. I didn’t see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 79

By swafii - 19/02/2018 21:48

Today, my girl told me that she and my best friend had sex over 6 months ago like nothing happened. I've known both of them for over 16 years. Me and my girl had been dating for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 8

By Soaked - 19/02/2018 19:13

Today, I come home from class thinking, "It's nice and sunny, where's all the rain gone?" Well, apparently my living room since a pipe burst second before I came home. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 2

Bitch better have my money!

By Skye - 19/02/2018 19:00

Today, a neighbor asked if I could take her to work and pick her up when she got off. She said she'd pay me, so I agreed and dropped her off. When I went to pick her up after work, I spent two hours waiting for nothing. She already got a ride back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 089

You deserved it 500

By dialysislife - 19/02/2018 15:16

Today, due to a phone malfunction, every single phone at work will not stop ringing. We cannot unplug them in case of a medical emergency. Right now it’s hour number 4, only 8 more hours to go! Happy Monday!! FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 6

By p - 19/02/2018 12:24

Today, my husband & I were getting on a plane and decided to buy a bottle of expensive alcohol in Duty free, when we got to the security gate we had to bin it because we had already gone over our limit of carry on bags FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 53

By Wanda - 19/02/2018 09:33

Today, my boyfriend of five years and the love of my life left me and got engaged to someone else. The worst part? He didn't tell me. I found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 3

By "musiclover1316" - 19/02/2018 00:51 - United States - Siloam Springs

Today, I threw up in the morning, but still went to work and told my boss about it. His first response? "Maybe you'll lose weight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 6

By Morning coffee - 19/02/2018 06:28 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I took a huge gulp of coffee. It was only then that I realised that the lump of undissolved coffee I'd squished was actually a dead fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 14

By ChebyshevII - 19/02/2018 05:10

Today, it was my turn to read during Bible study. I accidentally said “genitals” instead of “gentiles” in front of a whole bunch of my Baptist friends. I’m not part of that Bible study anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 14

By Nothanksforthedick - 19/02/2018 04:55

Today, I had a threesome with my girlfriend and buddy of mine. Mid position-switch, I felt a finger go for my asshole. I asked my girl to stop and she said it wasn't her, he said it wasn't a finger. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 96

By "Aleysha Vos" - 19/02/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me on a "boys night out". I've dated him for almost two years and we moved in together two weeks ago. We signed a lease for the year and I can't afford to live on my own or paying for it if I move out. I can't help but feel like I'm trapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 6

By Zeno - 19/02/2018 02:19

Today, my partner gave me a really cool side shave haircut like Natalie Dormer's. It looked amazing, perfect. When doing some "finishing touches" he decided to change it. I now literally am half bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 13

By "Shorterry" - 19/02/2018 01:28 - Germany

Today, I found out that cleaning brings the same amount of pleasure to my wife as me fondling her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 19/02/2018 01:26

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and after a while, I told him I was really wet. "Maybe you should do something about that", I said slyly, hoping this would lead to intercourse. Instead, he promptly leaped up and grabbed some tissues from the kitchen. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 6

By whatdoIdonow - 19/02/2018 00:53

Today I finally arrived at the hotel after a long flight. At the check-in they told me my room was already checked into. They showed a passport and everything. What the heck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my husband is depressed because the government is relaxing coronavirus isolation and he doesn’t want to have to return to talking to people, or having family drop by unexpectedly, or socialising at all. He prefers being stuck at home as an antisocial Xbox and Netflix goblin FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 241

You deserved it 1 225

Today, my girlfriend and I went out to neighbour's just down the street and left my 12 and 14 year-old daughters at home. The 12 year-old found the fire extinguisher and thought it was whipped cream, put it in her mouth, and tried to eat it. The 14 year-old didn't even bother to call us. Luckily, the 12 year-old is fine, the stuff was safe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 352

Today, I threw out a bunch of Coca-Cola bottles that had been in my room for who knows how long. My mother noticed them in the recycling and promptly told our neighbours that I have a "coke habit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 181

Today, I got fired for having a visible tattoo on my neck. The tattoo in question is a scar from a surgery I had 2 months ago. The same one paid for by my employer's insurance and missed 2 weeks of work for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 366

You deserved it 2 282

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 423

You deserved it 2 294

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 721

You deserved it 4 115