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The all-time greatest FMLs

More speed, less haste

By Anonymous - 26/02/2023 18:00

Today, I was running late for work and, in my rush, spilled coffee all over my shirt. When I finally got to the office, I realized I had forgotten my laptop at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 201

Distance makes the heart…

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 00:02 - United States - Fort Drum

Today, I'm over a 1000 miles away from my wife, and she's so upset and angry with me that she doesn't want me to touch her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 226

Attention to detail

By MelodyPW - 19/12/2022 03:00 - Algeria

Today, I wrote an email for a job offer. I checked it, double-checked it, triple-checked it, and then sent it. It's only THEN that I realised my CV wasn't attached. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 407

Alexa, play "Happy When it Rains" by The Jesus and Mary Chain

By milo jj - 09/02/2022 21:59

Today, I went on a date with a girl who told me, “Sunny weather makes me depressed.” I’d hate to see what’s she’s like when it rains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 243

Cheaply romantic

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 16:00

Today, I walked into a dollar store as my boyfriend's girlfriend. I came out as his fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 493

I'm not that old!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 02:01

Today, I was showing my hair-do from my high school prom from 10 years ago to a drunk neighbor. He turned to my mom and said, "Wow, she was a beautiful girl back in the day." Right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 196

Repetition

By Anonymous - 22/06/2022 00:00

Today, I introduced this website to my boyfriend. We laughed at a guy who screamed his sister's name during sex. Guess what he thought would be funny to do when I was seconds from coming? FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 1 208

One rule for me…

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 20:01 - Germany

Today, I haven’t had a haircut in 15 months. Our politicians announced that the lockdown, prohibiting haircuts, commerce and social life, will go on even longer than previously decided. Our impeccably coiffed politicians, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 243

Sharing is caring

By T…… - 15/10/2023 00:02

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit because I snatched a couple of her fries for myself. She regularly raids my snacks, takes food off my plate, and has even stolen my work lunches, but a couple of fries is too much to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 148

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 04:58 - Germany

Today, the cows on the neighboring farm have been lowing loudly for 3 days straight. The guy who runs the farm is unreachable. The people who own the farm and live right next to the stable claim they don’t hear a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 156

The Voice (of the future)

By Sheila - 26/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my husband was singing while doing the housework. I told him to sign up for The Voice. He took me seriously, and did. Too bad for him, because he sounds like a cat dying in a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 1 708

Not helping

By Anonymous - 22/02/2023 04:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came home from work early due to a massive headache. A half hour later, the jackhammering started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 82

Mambo Number 5

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 18:00

Today, having been on hold on the phone for several minutes, I felt the need to release a fart. Just as I started my release, they picked up. They definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 265

Staying Alive

By Girls_just_wanna_have_Tylenol - 01/04/2022 22:00

Today, it's been two days since I went out to a club with my sister. I love dancing and was really getting really into it. However, my neck muscles are still sore. From dancing for two hours. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 261

Pinned

By STRIKE! - 12/11/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to drop a bowling ball on your foot. Spoiler: It doesn't feel good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 135

I can't see for miles and miles and miles

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 05:00

Today, having my hands full with dog leashes, I hooked a lamp to my jacket to find my way in the dark. The first time I bent over, it fell, burst open and spilled its batteries, so I had to go back and get another flashlight, whose batteries promptly started to fade once I was trying to reassemble the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 174

Mixed feelings

By What - 16/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I somehow have both crippling depression and a fear of death. Please end me, but don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 130

Dog whisperer

By J……… - 16/10/2020 02:02

Today, my new dog broke out of his new crate, ate my door, pissed on the floor, and trashed my room. I got him to help with my anxiety, but all he does is give me more anxiety. The worst part is that I adopted him as a favor to a friend, because she couldn’t handle him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 1 235

Oh, hai!

By Alyxandrea Loffer - 26/07/2020 14:00

Today, while answering hospice calls, I had to take this one with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 142

Kids these days…

By RAZR MeowMix - 30/01/2021 21:30

Today, my youngest started playing Fortnite. My oldest has been playing competitively for a couple of years. My youngest is now addicted and needs a new computer to run it at max settings. I hate Fortnite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 502

Stuck in a rut

By Mary - 23/08/2023 14:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I realized I don't have a family, I only have garbage people who have been sucking my time, my money, and my life from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 132

There there

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 06:00 - United States - Greenville

Today, after I dated a girl for 4 years and she'd left me for another man, she came back about a week later bawling on my bathroom floor. I comforted and held her, thinking she may have realized she'd made a mistake, only for her to say how much she loved him the whole time. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 388

Mystery lump

By Pinky Paranoid - 22/10/2022 06:00

Today, and for the past few years, I've had a mysterious lump on my pinky finger that will not go away. Every doctor I've gone to has absolutely no idea what it is, or why it even showed up. I'm starting to think that I wouldn't like to find out what it is, if even a medical professional can't say for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 82

Malpractice

By Anonymous - 03/03/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I found out that I have unnecessarily been using birth control for the past 10 years. A surgery I had following a complication with my first child apparently rendered me infertile, and none of the doctors bothered to enlighten me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 88

What do you take me for?

By emopancake - 28/08/2022 14:00

Today, I came out to my mormon mother as a pan enby, and told her I wanted to change my name. She asked how I came to this conclusion, so I told her how I’ve been secretly doing research on the topic. She says she supports me, but claims I broke her trust by lying for so long to avoid possible homophobia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 562

Mining for gold

By can’t do it - 21/08/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, I caught my fiancé picking his nose and eating it. I don’t want to break up over this but I just cannot for the life of me get that image out of my head. Every time he tries to kiss me, I visibly gag and turn my head away. He says I’m being unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 238

I'm not a celebrity, get me out of here

By Anonymous Unknown - 15/02/2022 02:00

Today, I got locked inside the entrance area of a Walmart. I had to get an employee to get me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 186

Bad date

By Dammit Brain - 23/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I went on a lunch date with a guy I used to work with. When the conversation got dry, I asked him if he went by “Chris” or “Christopher” these days. His name is Daniel. My brain knew my mistake as I said it. Just when I thought the silence couldn’t get more awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 461

Stink out

By Xander - 03/11/2022 00:00 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I was on a bus with a whole bunch of athletes at a ski competition. I had to go to the bathroom, so I walked to the back and I let the floodgates open up. When I came out, everyone who was at the back of the bus near the bathroom had moved to the front because the smell was so putrid. Everyone was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 413

When pranks go wrong

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 08:01

Today, as punishment for a prank, my girlfriend has banned all forms of sex, kissing, or touching for the foreseeable future. She’s also started stripping as soon as she gets home and walking around in just her thong, or sometimes even completely naked, just to make my suffering worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 2 663

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The Top

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 225

You deserved it 7 619

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 659

You deserved it 39 468

Today, I recieved a message on MySpace from a cute guy I've been talking to for a while. It read, "I saw a girl in Old Navy at the mall last night that looked a lot like you, but she was much fatter." I was in Old Navy at the mall last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 339

You deserved it 6 898

Today, my family and I ran into an older man my parents knew. He continually asked me questions like do you play football, have you started shaving yet, etc. I thought he was joking. He told my parents I had grown into quite a young man. I am a girl and he wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 546

You deserved it 4 899

Today, I got a haircut and met up with a friend for lunch. Said friend then burst out laughing, saying my haircut made me look like Professor Snape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 738

You deserved it 668

Today, it's been a few days since I moved into a new apartment and was excited to finally have a balcony. I went out to enjoy the view, but as I leaned against the railing, it gave way and I fell two stories onto the pavement below. I ended up with a broken leg and a huge medical bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 115