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Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

#19066178
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23334) - you deserved it (4463)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm - kids - by Username - India

Today, I had to call patients that we hadn't seen in a long time. Most of them were dead. FML

#21431312
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23330) - you deserved it (1793)

On 06/24/2015 at 6:18pm - work - by Exil (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML

#20022923
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23326) - you deserved it (3990)

On 08/15/2012 at 5:14pm - misc - by ShowerStar (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML

#19011157
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23325) - you deserved it (1976)

On 02/06/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

#10323
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23322) - you deserved it (7102)

On 02/05/2009 at 3:13pm - misc - by Craig (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

#20117322
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23321) - you deserved it (4493)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm - kids - by Randolph (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I hit a parked car. It happened to be my driving instructor's car. While he was instructing me, sitting in the passenger seat. I don't think I'll pass. FML

#6497177
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23319) - you deserved it (13279)

On 11/28/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by badDriver (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML

#713
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23315) - you deserved it (2287)

On 01/05/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by sel2207 - Sent from mobile version

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

#16017887
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23315) - you deserved it (43551)

On 05/02/2011 at 10:30am - work - by MathTeacher (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

#17509957
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23311) - you deserved it (6784)

On 08/18/2011 at 1:40pm - animals - by princessbbee - United States

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

#19692840
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23311) - you deserved it (8310)

On 05/28/2012 at 9:55am - money - by dammit33 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

#19597798
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23311) - you deserved it (2159)

On 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)



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