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Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

#6377475
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16151) - you deserved it (4765)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:29am - work - by DamnDogs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

#20171812
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16152) - you deserved it (4364)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

#20450824
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16148) - you deserved it (30154)

On 01/09/2013 at 9:37pm - love - by niki (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

#18095448
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16140) - you deserved it (10934)

On 10/28/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by blabla (woman) - Brazil

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

#20944930
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16138) - you deserved it (64744)

On 11/04/2013 at 6:39am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16134) - you deserved it (60958)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

#10791004
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16133) - you deserved it (29983)

On 05/27/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

#20561054
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16129) - you deserved it (41048)

On 03/26/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

#2316
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16127) - you deserved it (5846)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:12am - love - by LC - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother bought me some « biodegradable » tissues. Indeed, they melted… in my hand. FML

#686
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16121) - you deserved it (1844)

On 01/02/2009 at 9:12pm - misc - by mc - Sent from mobile version

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

#2589688
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16118) - you deserved it (2044)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:33am - love - by xXitslolaXX - United States (California)

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

#7711889
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16112) - you deserved it (75092)

On 01/30/2010 at 3:54pm - misc - by Obsessed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

#6501261
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16112) - you deserved it (35772)

On 11/28/2009 at 8:53pm - misc - by figures - United States



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