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Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

#5764838
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13463) - you deserved it (33821)

On 10/10/2009 at 9:04pm - work - by SadisticSatire (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

#16464729
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13462) - you deserved it (31794)

On 06/02/2011 at 6:05am - misc - by ohcrap - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I turned 18. My parents gave me a card that read "now that you're 18, it's time for some boozy fun... you can do all the things you did before but legally!" Taped to the inside was my fake id that I "lost" three months ago. FML

#1418497
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13456) - you deserved it (60580)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by owned (woman) - Singapore

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

#4912143
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13456) - you deserved it (40545)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by deven (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

#555809
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13453) - you deserved it (86039)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by Blondie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

#12781216
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13453) - you deserved it (34066)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:54am - misc - by wearingshorts - United States (New York)

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

#16033229
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13440) - you deserved it (30281)

On 05/03/2011 at 3:51pm - health - by Username - United States (Washington)

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

#8339859
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13435) - you deserved it (2759)

On 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by tacolove69 - United States (California)

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

#2201893
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13431) - you deserved it (58631)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by onlyme (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML

#20152648
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13429) - you deserved it (21645)

On 11/07/2012 at 2:31am - misc - by no cake for me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

#4433335
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13428) - you deserved it (44106)

On 08/10/2009 at 6:48pm - health - by psychedout (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

#15710097
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13428) - you deserved it (42485)

On 04/09/2011 at 2:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

#2929763
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13425) - you deserved it (62870)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:35am - love - by Aerostar (man) - United States (Indiana)



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