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Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML

#38
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14981) - you deserved it (48939)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - love - by SweeT -

Today, a co-worker and I walked out of our office at the same time. He got in his car, which was parked right out front. I asked him what I had to do to get a sweet parking spot like that. He rolled up his pant leg and show me his prosthesis. He was in the handicapped spot. FML

#579815
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14980) - you deserved it (71052)

On 03/24/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by Prometheus (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

#20465228
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14978) - you deserved it (32557)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm - kids - by walkingdictionary - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML

#16851890
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14977) - you deserved it (32380)

On 06/25/2011 at 3:58pm - health - by Unberable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I broke my arm, and posted a picture of my X-ray on Facebook to show everyone how bad the break is. Nobody even asked me if I was OK. FML

#18724146
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14977) - you deserved it (34496)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:27am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave an old owl lamp away because I had no need for it. The new owner informed me shortly after that it was worth $400. FML

#19039556
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14978) - you deserved it (18962)

On 02/10/2012 at 1:56am - money - by Feelinfunny1 - United States

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

#1018681
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14975) - you deserved it (125844)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:21pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14975) - you deserved it (28401)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

#800
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14963) - you deserved it (1806)

On 01/07/2009 at 9:28pm - misc - by Donezoo - United States (California)

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

#15779610
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14957) - you deserved it (28258)

On 04/14/2011 at 12:37am - misc - by wowimscrewed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was lying on the floor playing with my cat. I was holding her in the air, when my sister tripped over the TV cord and unplugged the cable. The TV made a loud fuzzy sound, I got scared and threw my cat in the air. I got scratched in the face by a falling cat. FML

#18384593
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14949) - you deserved it (22992)

On 11/29/2011 at 11:15am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I talked to my ex on AIM after not speaking to her since we broke up two years ago. The conversation lead up to her asking how I feel about her. So I poured my heart and soul out to her, because I still love her. She immediately logged off. FML

#7470766
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14947) - you deserved it (28134)

On 01/21/2010 at 8:10am - love - by JCruz411 - Sent from mobile version

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

#19542663
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14948) - you deserved it (13181)

On 04/28/2012 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Matt (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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