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Today, while at work, I was told by a man who had literally just gotten back from his mothers funeral to cheer up, I was depressing him. FML

#9063709
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17847) - you deserved it (5260)

On 03/14/2010 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

#19749863
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17846) - you deserved it (34334)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

#7923613
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17843) - you deserved it (5069)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:31am - intimacy - by Isabell (woman) - Australia

Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML

#3944960
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17841) - you deserved it (43244)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:03am - work - by Alice (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

#15689615
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17840) - you deserved it (75070)

On 04/08/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by failure -

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

#880527
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17838) - you deserved it (68508)

On 04/09/2009 at 1:04am - love - by skmusic (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

#20060408
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17836) - you deserved it (4023)

On 09/06/2012 at 12:51pm - work - by SummerJob (woman) -

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it didn't flush. FML

#1663
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17835) - you deserved it (2829)

On 01/18/2009 at 8:01pm - misc - by frankie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while watching TV with my boyfriend, I was telling him that I wasn't looking forward to "getting older" and turning thirty in three days. Five minutes later, he said, "I never knew you had so much grey hair already" and then offered to help me dye them. FML

#19827444
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17834) - you deserved it (3672)

On 06/22/2012 at 2:02am - misc - by Username (woman) - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

#3604059
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17830) - you deserved it (56739)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

#1125126
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17830) - you deserved it (55651)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:52pm - work - by Crunchy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

#19986925
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17827) - you deserved it (2321)

On 07/27/2012 at 5:24am - health - by lexithepirate - United States

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

#20163512
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17825) - you deserved it (2317)

On 11/14/2012 at 7:48pm - health - by duhasiangirl - Canada (Ontario)



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