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Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19511) - you deserved it (50622)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

#13481671
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19510) - you deserved it (25998)

On 10/17/2010 at 2:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

#19282495
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19510) - you deserved it (11536)

On 03/15/2012 at 12:13pm - work - by davey d (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML

#19944321
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19510) - you deserved it (4910)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:12am - health - by goincrazy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

#13794199
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19507) - you deserved it (3993)

On 11/10/2010 at 8:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

#1643455
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19506) - you deserved it (43777)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by Jon (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

#8958709
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19501) - you deserved it (2691)

On 03/09/2010 at 10:12pm - health - by whoanoa (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my landlord decided to have people visit my apartment since I'm moving out next month. She had warned me about potential visitors this week but didn't specify when. I work the graveyard shift and apparently the fact that I was sleeping in my room during the visit didn't bother her at all. FML

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

#4405675
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19500) - you deserved it (41294)

On 08/09/2009 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

#6474999
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19499) - you deserved it (6712)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

#18599124
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19500) - you deserved it (1978)

On 12/24/2011 at 3:04pm - misc - by ambled - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

#18761423
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19498) - you deserved it (2007)

On 01/09/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

#19073869
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19498) - you deserved it (2973)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:05pm - misc - by random - United States



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