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Today, some wannabe molester actually used the "Do you know who my dad is?!" line on me as I threw him out of a club. Turns out his dad is my boss's brother. I'm now searching for a new job. FML

#21500663
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25022) - you deserved it (1819)

On 12/06/2015 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

#21476862
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25018) - you deserved it (1936)

On 10/06/2015 at 3:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

#6708015
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25016) - you deserved it (7045)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by badbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I opened a window that had been shut for a couple of months. As soon as I did, dozens of tiny baby spiders blew in with the breeze, and dispersed in my kitchen. FML

#21476857
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25016) - you deserved it (2369)

On 10/06/2015 at 3:43pm - misc - by spiderbaby - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

#21367918
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25016) - you deserved it (35361)

On 03/04/2015 at 10:03am - health - by actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia

Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML

#6965324
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25014) - you deserved it (11275)

On 12/26/2009 at 11:44pm - love - by Kelly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

#8758514
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25015) - you deserved it (2893)

On 03/01/2010 at 9:24pm - love - by pizzafaceinc (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

#4457
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25011) - you deserved it (10865)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:11am - love - by FractalSanity - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML

#14114912
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25011) - you deserved it (4063)

On 12/07/2010 at 12:28am - work - by anonymous-canada -

Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML

#21483477
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25008) - you deserved it (2286)

On 10/23/2015 at 4:41pm - misc - by haunted (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

#19312851
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25007) - you deserved it (2691)

On 03/20/2012 at 7:57am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

#17706301
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25002) - you deserved it (4215)

On 09/09/2011 at 7:48pm - love - by Just me (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I'm no longer allowed to work the drive-thru at my job, because over the weekend, 3 dumbasses I go to school with came in and complained to my manager, saying I sounded a creepy pervert and that it scared them enough to take their business elsewhere. FML

#21478786
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25001) - you deserved it (1840)

On 10/11/2015 at 10:07pm - work - by why (man) - United States (Colorado)



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