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Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

#4854572
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13524) - you deserved it (51228)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by p-man - United States

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

#12237713
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13522) - you deserved it (28905)

On 08/01/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by tbeemcgeebee - United States (New York)

Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML

#4577302
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13520) - you deserved it (57316)

On 08/16/2009 at 5:05pm - kids - by Overflow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML

#19931628
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13516) - you deserved it (32450)

On 07/13/2012 at 3:37am - love - by r4inb0wbrit3 (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

#11846185
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13514) - you deserved it (36814)

On 07/13/2010 at 4:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

#15229654
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13512) - you deserved it (41530)

On 03/07/2011 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by lolzboss - United States (Virginia)

Today, I gave myself a bloody nose while trying to show my brother how to use a yo-yo. FML

#15786077
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13512) - you deserved it (21828)

On 04/14/2011 at 6:12pm - health - by Omegared - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

#18772275
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13509) - you deserved it (31936)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by bunnyluver4545 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

#2489611
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13504) - you deserved it (33646)

On 06/01/2009 at 12:50am - money - by steph (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML

#1021558
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13502) - you deserved it (63273)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by shiftybizniss - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

#1885333
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13498) - you deserved it (72867)

On 05/12/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by firewait (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

#3194809
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13491) - you deserved it (65148)

On 06/25/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by nail714 (man) - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

#1490
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13489) - you deserved it (2982)

On 01/17/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by nothreat33 - United States (Maryland)



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