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Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

#20034503
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13699) - you deserved it (6499)

On 08/21/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by mr_flarpin (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

#18546937
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13696) - you deserved it (26366)

On 12/18/2011 at 6:36pm - misc - by Musicfreak (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

#6624561
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13686) - you deserved it (32825)

On 12/05/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by soupduped (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

#14718702
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13678) - you deserved it (20246)

On 01/26/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by lizzy1843 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at work I grabbed some customer keys off the board. I was checking out their cool flashlight keychain. At the exact moment I realized it wasn't a keychain, I pepper sprayed myself directly in the right eye. FML

Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML

#18259551
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13675) - you deserved it (29124)

On 11/15/2011 at 10:17pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

#12753768
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13673) - you deserved it (47657)

On 08/26/2010 at 9:32am - intimacy - by H8TR (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

#3757766
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13672) - you deserved it (32758)

On 07/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by dani911 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was in lying in bed with my boyfriend while he was asleep. He is going to school to be a doctor, and it appears that he says anatomical terms while asleep. My boyfriend can make me feel stupid in his sleep. FML

#13580175
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13671) - you deserved it (22053)

On 10/24/2010 at 7:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

#19401263
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13666) - you deserved it (22754)

On 04/03/2012 at 2:19pm - kids - by potatoebee - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got bored and decided to try World Of Warcraft. FML

#2172
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13663) - you deserved it (25399)

On 01/22/2009 at 10:14am - misc - by insearch4i - United States (Arizona)

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

#1134670
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13661) - you deserved it (43001)

On 04/19/2009 at 9:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

#8814971
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13659) - you deserved it (10603)

On 03/04/2010 at 12:03am - misc - by J-Ro - United States



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