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Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML

#20189765
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22408) - you deserved it (2367)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:01pm - misc - by VedaLynn - United States

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

#19482004
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22406) - you deserved it (1984)

On 04/17/2012 at 12:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

#7885768
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22404) - you deserved it (4875)

On 02/04/2010 at 8:35pm - love - by MafiaWarsWidow (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML

#14632650
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22402) - you deserved it (2881)

On 01/18/2011 at 10:40pm - misc - by desertpunk75 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

#18458451
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22400) - you deserved it (4238)

On 12/08/2011 at 2:30am - work - by dulllife - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22395) - you deserved it (45711)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

#21422763
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22395) - you deserved it (1843)

On 06/08/2015 at 10:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

#17506977
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22393) - you deserved it (4015)

On 08/18/2011 at 2:59am - misc - by upset room mate - United States (Texas)

Today, I passed a field where some kids were playing football. The ball rolled over in my direction, so they asked me to kick it over. I tried and failed three times, and ended up throwing it over, where it embarrassingly landed about 2 feet away. They had to come over and get it. FML

#19326437
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22389) - you deserved it (9961)

On 03/22/2012 at 1:21pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (3430)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

#13919732
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (3033)

On 11/21/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by Random Person - United States (Kentucky)

Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML

#19283246
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (2400)

On 03/15/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22383) - you deserved it (27298)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)



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