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Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

by Emily / 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 6:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML

by RhuLynette / 08/31/2011 at 2:34am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML

by lyssamarie316 / 09/30/2011 at 8:23pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML

by Kelly / 12/26/2009 at 11:44pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went for a job interview. Before giving me a tour, the manager pointed to my purse and said, "Better leave that in my office." I didn't know why it was safer in her office than on my shoulder, but I complied. Later, I went to buy coffee and discovered that all my cash was missing. FML

by NoMoney4Me / 09/24/2012 at 6:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I found out that my fiancé's parents are refusing to pay for a honeymoon because "they didn't have one so neither will we", so they won't pay for a single thing for our wedding. FML

by tayluh26 / 02/15/2010 at 12:03am / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards driving. She was very supportive and even made me an appointment to see a psychologist. His office is two hours away. I have to drive to see my doctor about my fear of driving. FML

by anonymous / 07/18/2012 at 9:29pm / United States / Health

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

by college student / 11/23/2014 at 1:22pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

by asparagus piss / 10/19/2012 at 1:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Money

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2015 at 5:28pm / Italy (Liguria) / Work

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2010 at 1:45am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

by sleepy / 01/02/2011 at 9:58pm / Norway / Work