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Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

#142749
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16268) - you deserved it (89970)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to help my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

#20080686
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16267) - you deserved it (1766)

On 09/20/2012 at 12:50pm - misc - by kirassi919 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

#20512105
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16267) - you deserved it (38452)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

#15251436
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16265) - you deserved it (38225)

On 03/09/2011 at 2:37pm - intimacy - by anonymouse - Reserved

Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML

#8733568
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16260) - you deserved it (14426)

On 02/28/2010 at 10:46pm - misc - by Ben - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML

#4863125
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16256) - you deserved it (49110)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:53pm - animals - by chickenlover (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML

#15111306
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16247) - you deserved it (28709)

On 02/25/2011 at 3:27am - money - by naughtytwinsisters (woman) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

#20415890
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16245) - you deserved it (46028)

On 12/23/2012 at 10:02am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML

#7876
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16238) - you deserved it (31330)

On 02/04/2009 at 11:44am - health - by Harejordan (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

#19378087
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16234) - you deserved it (9216)

On 03/30/2012 at 7:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML

#19669022
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16229) - you deserved it (6768)

On 05/23/2012 at 6:50pm - misc - by Shopper (woman) - United States

Today, as I left work for the parking lot, I noticed two full trashbags duct-taped to my car. They were marked as my property. According to the note left on my windshield, my ex-roommate thought he'd be kind enough to bring my things to me to save me the trip. FML

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

#14
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16224) - you deserved it (68658)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:24am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia



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