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Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

#18749585
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17253) - you deserved it (31375)

On 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by caught - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

#12887848
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17252) - you deserved it (35777)

On 09/03/2010 at 4:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

#20167613
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17253) - you deserved it (2051)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:04am - misc - by creys - United States

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

#19397003
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17253) - you deserved it (1727)

On 04/02/2012 at 7:40pm - money - by unfriendlyskies (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

#9797503
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17251) - you deserved it (41058)

On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was accused of being high. Why? Because I was playing with a milk bottle. FML

#19331009
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17248) - you deserved it (4614)

On 03/23/2012 at 2:18am - misc - by Not_High (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17244) - you deserved it (122885)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML

#20006151
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17240) - you deserved it (1771)

On 08/06/2012 at 5:37pm - money - by for fucks sake gramps (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

#637114
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17234) - you deserved it (188784)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML

#19356706
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17234) - you deserved it (12143)

On 03/27/2012 at 10:00am - health - by halfasleep (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

#20630741
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17229) - you deserved it (58189)

On 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm - misc - by random - Canada

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

#12023644
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17225) - you deserved it (42150)

On 07/21/2010 at 12:08pm - misc - by Goody2shoes (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

#12082068
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17222) - you deserved it (68180)

On 07/24/2010 at 6:53am - misc - by GirlishMan1883897 (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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