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Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

#20399692
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18979) - you deserved it (2007)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:20pm - misc - by theslutmuncher (man) - Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt)

Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML

#6945268
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18978) - you deserved it (2847)

On 12/25/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

#19620502
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18978) - you deserved it (2048)

On 05/14/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

#8199501
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18977) - you deserved it (5550)

On 02/13/2010 at 9:22am - misc - by bcca - United States (Ohio)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML

#19942107
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18977) - you deserved it (5599)

On 07/15/2012 at 5:52pm - health - by Tori (woman) - Australia

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

#20129779
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18971) - you deserved it (2986)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:26pm - animals - by buccaneer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

#6301
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18965) - you deserved it (39429)

On 02/03/2009 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by Merdoc (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

#6433448
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18963) - you deserved it (8274)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

#15098921
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18962) - you deserved it (20034)

On 02/24/2011 at 3:27am - misc - by Eric Forrest - United States (Utah)

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

#228
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18957) - you deserved it (136174)

On 11/06/2008 at 4:43am - intimacy - by Ben-Ben - Sent from mobile version

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

#10939026
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18955) - you deserved it (37351)

On 06/03/2010 at 4:54am - intimacy - by elevenharries (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

#19218183
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18954) - you deserved it (5655)

On 03/05/2012 at 12:12am - health - by wtbfiber (man) - United States

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

#20103084
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18953) - you deserved it (1665)

On 10/05/2012 at 4:25pm - health - by sharky (man) - United States



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