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Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

#13919732
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (3032)

On 11/21/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by Random Person - United States (Kentucky)

Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML

#19283246
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22385) - you deserved it (2399)

On 03/15/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22383) - you deserved it (27298)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML

#19297071
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22382) - you deserved it (1853)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:41pm - misc - by vanorav (man) - United States (California)

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

#20072034
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22380) - you deserved it (3224)

On 09/14/2012 at 8:03pm - love - by wow kid just leave me alone (woman) - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

#19920201
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22376) - you deserved it (5911)

On 07/10/2012 at 7:10pm - animals - by Nomoreballs (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

#18207417
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22375) - you deserved it (9275)

On 11/10/2011 at 12:56am - animals - by Doggy... (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, for some reason entirely beyond my knowledge, Siri referred to me as "Sugartits". FML

#21444204
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22377) - you deserved it (2872)

On 07/19/2015 at 9:23pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

#458
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22375) - you deserved it (3807)

On 12/06/2008 at 2:51am - misc - by harry - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML

#19668555
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22370) - you deserved it (2862)

On 05/23/2012 at 5:14pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

#20157085
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22369) - you deserved it (3355)

On 11/10/2012 at 1:51am - animals - by Sam l. - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

#15714709
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22368) - you deserved it (38054)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm - animals - by Sid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the dentist. During my check-up, he recommended a dermatologist. FML

#19393124
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22368) - you deserved it (2713)

On 04/02/2012 at 1:59am - health - by bdogge99 - United States (Washington)



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