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Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

#11944390
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14585) - you deserved it (54593)

On 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm - intimacy - by reckless (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

#18208389
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14581) - you deserved it (31165)

On 11/10/2011 at 6:40am - work - by copshop - United States (California)

Today, I was going to my prom. My mom knows I want to drink so to prevent me, she made sure I took my prescription medicine before I left. I guess her way of stopping me from drinking is killing myself If I do. FML

#15503138
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14579) - you deserved it (34780)

On 03/26/2011 at 8:26pm - health - by coolkid111 - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick. Thinking it wasn't a big deal I went to rub it off, but it stuck to my clothes. The cops came so everyone ran and hid in the bushes because we were all drunk. The cops arrested fifteen people because I glowed. FML

#5063911
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14577) - you deserved it (41611)

On 09/05/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Idiots (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

#12365331
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14577) - you deserved it (31868)

On 08/07/2010 at 2:04am - misc - by Zinfandel (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML

#17490
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14574) - you deserved it (25677)

On 02/09/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by xyz (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

#6660964
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14560) - you deserved it (41929)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by cookscatastrophy - United States (California)

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

#483227
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14558) - you deserved it (94146)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by HughGorgy (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

#18048411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14555) - you deserved it (45710)

On 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was hurriedly doing laundry. I threw a second load in the dryer and slammed the door shut. All of a sudden, I heard scratching and whining coming from the dryer. My cat probably hates me now. FML

#18129545
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14542) - you deserved it (33882)

On 11/01/2011 at 3:02pm - animals - by benji - United States (Michigan)

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

#1408593
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14538) - you deserved it (52735)

On 04/27/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Radgirl (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I remember that I changed my phone lock password when I was still half asleep this morning, but I don't remember what I changed it to. FML

#19796326
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14532) - you deserved it (20497)

On 06/16/2012 at 9:44am - misc - by sadphonegirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

#20580770
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14521) - you deserved it (36009)

On 04/08/2013 at 3:20pm - misc - by nosey (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)



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