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Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML

#5984372
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12195) - you deserved it (18929)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Badday (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

#4971137
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12189) - you deserved it (38819)

On 09/01/2009 at 3:30am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

#2357
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12187) - you deserved it (36791)

On 01/23/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by killmyself - United States (California)

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

#8555278
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12187) - you deserved it (20054)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm - misc - by sacked (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

#20511821
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12189) - you deserved it (31531)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

#4751
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12186) - you deserved it (5028)

On 02/01/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Embarrassed daughter.. - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

#1114607
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12185) - you deserved it (47365)

On 04/19/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by racoonface - United States

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

#16689937
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12178) - you deserved it (203971)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

#2562
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12171) - you deserved it (3124)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

#13203283
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12171) - you deserved it (32394)

On 09/26/2010 at 12:10am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my sister asked me to help her set up for my niece's birthday party. Being the lazy person that I am, I got my niece to blow up the non-helium balloons. Apparently she's allergic to latex and I'll be the one paying for the hospital bill. FML

#2573344
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12166) - you deserved it (51100)

On 06/03/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by ivyleaguebabe (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

#6712384
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12158) - you deserved it (32354)

On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

#1134670
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12148) - you deserved it (40436)

On 04/19/2009 at 9:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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