Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 6:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2012 at 10:36pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to sit in a three-seat truck between my dad and his best friend on a 4-hour trip to Detroit. It was great, besides their incessant crude jokes and stories, including chafing ball sacks, and naming their new radio station, "Chicks With Dicks Radio." FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML

by ugamayne / 02/17/2010 at 7:50am / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2010 at 8:54pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm / United States / Money

Today, after an 8-month wait, I went on my big vacation. The beach, the sea, the dive, the jellyfish, the allergic reaction, the hospital. FML

by Mush / 08/27/2015 at 12:42pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2011 at 12:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

by Brock / 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

by organizse / 06/20/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while swimming in my neighborhood pool, I noticed what looked like several cigarettes resting at the bottom and decided to investigate. Turns out it was actually just a used, bloody tampon that had spent enough time underwater to be broken into multiple pieces, and spread across the pool. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2015 at 6:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous