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Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

#19304528
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17864) - you deserved it (4689)

On 03/18/2012 at 11:09pm - animals - by tickdog - United States (Texas)

Today, I went out with my boyfriend and thought I'd wear two bras under my singlet-top to make my chest look bigger. Upon leaving Target, one of the security guards noticed the extra straps and accused me of shoplifting. I had to spend the next 20 minutes explaining the situation to security. FML

#11629383
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17859) - you deserved it (42893)

On 07/03/2010 at 3:14am - misc - by embarrassed (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML

#1268284
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17858) - you deserved it (49883)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML

#19510821
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17859) - you deserved it (25251)

On 04/22/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by stoggie96 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

#4379475
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17855) - you deserved it (76098)

On 08/08/2009 at 3:18am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

#12544003
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17850) - you deserved it (37378)

On 08/15/2010 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Peekaman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

#16561931
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17847) - you deserved it (39053)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:47pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while at work, I was told by a man who had literally just gotten back from his mothers funeral to cheer up, I was depressing him. FML

#9063709
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17846) - you deserved it (5260)

On 03/14/2010 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

#19749863
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17847) - you deserved it (34332)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

#7923613
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17841) - you deserved it (5068)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:31am - intimacy - by Isabell (woman) - Australia

Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML

#3944960
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17839) - you deserved it (43243)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:03am - work - by Alice (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

#15689615
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17839) - you deserved it (75070)

On 04/08/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by failure -

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

#880527
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17837) - you deserved it (68507)

On 04/09/2009 at 1:04am - love - by skmusic (man) - Canada (Manitoba)



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