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Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

#20192329
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24995) - you deserved it (4130)

On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

#1303608
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24994) - you deserved it (58485)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by fml (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

#19324398
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24993) - you deserved it (5402)

On 03/22/2012 at 12:56am - work - by Atheist (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

#20179747
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24993) - you deserved it (2482)

On 11/26/2012 at 1:59pm - love - by Blake Lawrence - United States (Utah)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

#21453082
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24994) - you deserved it (6309)

On 08/07/2015 at 8:51am - intimacy - by horsefuck (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML

#13957675
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24990) - you deserved it (3367)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

#8586594
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24989) - you deserved it (7257)

On 02/23/2010 at 11:48am - intimacy - by jasmine - United States

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

#21479950
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24989) - you deserved it (2861)

On 10/14/2015 at 10:29am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

#7969441
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24988) - you deserved it (2741)

On 02/07/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by bystander (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

#20060240
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24988) - you deserved it (9863)

On 09/06/2012 at 8:46am - love - by Ashley - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I offered an elderly man my seat on the train. He thanked me by winking and offering me a seat on his lap. FML

#19387576
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24982) - you deserved it (3240)

On 04/01/2012 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

#20197436
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24982) - you deserved it (2689)

On 12/09/2012 at 8:18am - animals - by KennyDidIt - United States (Alabama)

Today, I drove my mom home from the salon because she was feeling sick. I'm not the best driver, but I was excited that I was helping. Everything was going smoothly until I hit a bump in the road. My mom blew chunks all over. I found out very quickly that she had spicy chicken for lunch. FML

#6958875
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24981) - you deserved it (3044)

On 12/26/2009 at 5:00pm - misc - by taylor_eileen - United States (Indiana)



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