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Monday 7 October 2013

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Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

by BOHICA123 / 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

by jnisla / 10/11/2013 at 6:44pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

by Anon / 10/09/2013 at 1:21am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

by zzfreakshow / 10/14/2013 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML

by hungry / 10/13/2013 at 1:23am / United States / Money

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

by markerThief / 10/13/2013 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

by moneymoneymoney / 10/08/2013 at 10:34am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML

by Water Daughter / 10/13/2013 at 1:51am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, for the first time in months, a woman started flirting with me. She was wearing a sparkly shirt with "Team Edward" written on it. FML

by CreamGravy / 10/10/2013 at 11:50pm / Australia / Love

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

by Lady Douche of Asscrackington / 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2013 at 11:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

by happyturtle / 10/10/2013 at 7:27am / Croatia / Miscellaneous