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Tuesday 9 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60766) - you deserved it (4975)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

#20585229
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60259) - you deserved it (16786)

On 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

#20595377
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59554) - you deserved it (6699)

On 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58552) - you deserved it (5501)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

#20589773
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54777) - you deserved it (4103)

On 04/14/2013 at 9:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53491) - you deserved it (10270)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52869) - you deserved it (8437)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52849) - you deserved it (11941)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

#20582376
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52639) - you deserved it (5163)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

#20592891
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51815) - you deserved it (3885)

On 04/15/2013 at 3:31am - work - by BarBacked (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

#20583666
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51580) - you deserved it (6764)

On 04/10/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by a - United States

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

#20587403
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51039) - you deserved it (14299)

On 04/13/2013 at 12:25am - love - by Snorlax (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, when I was talking to my younger brother, he suddenly said "Oh, I was supposed to tell you that there's this girl who has a huge crush on you!" I asked who and he answered, "I totally forgot her name, that was like 2 months ago." FML

#20589493
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50981) - you deserved it (4019)

On 04/14/2013 at 3:28am - love - by MissedTheBoat (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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