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Tuesday 9 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

#20595377
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59458) - you deserved it (6692)

On 04/15/2013 at 10:20pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

#20585229
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59227) - you deserved it (16513)

On 04/11/2013 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

#20596513
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58338) - you deserved it (4791)

On 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by fucklife - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57648) - you deserved it (5427)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

#20589773
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54719) - you deserved it (4098)

On 04/14/2013 at 9:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53381) - you deserved it (10255)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52747) - you deserved it (11918)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51436) - you deserved it (8258)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50750) - you deserved it (10884)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

#20582376
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50660) - you deserved it (4988)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

#20592891
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49304) - you deserved it (3663)

On 04/15/2013 at 3:31am - work - by BarBacked (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48970) - you deserved it (7636)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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