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Thursday 4 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

#20578428
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46289) - you deserved it (5033)

On 04/07/2013 at 12:26am - love - by unknown - United States (Florida)

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46230) - you deserved it (11864)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML

#20578406
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45852) - you deserved it (2893)

On 04/07/2013 at 12:07am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

#20572868
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45307) - you deserved it (5411)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:17am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44881) - you deserved it (6279)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44783) - you deserved it (8416)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

#20570966
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44655) - you deserved it (3127)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:11am - work - by QuinnyZebrass (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my cousin is visiting from Oklahoma. He can't go a minute without saying "YOLO" or "Swag". He's going to be here for a week. FML

#20572695
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44357) - you deserved it (3700)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by fuck YOLO - United States (California)

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

#20576240
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44097) - you deserved it (4419)

On 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm - health - by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god (man) - Singapore

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

#20580049
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43051) - you deserved it (6427)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

#20577745
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42974) - you deserved it (3973)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by flea-bitten (woman) - United States

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

#20575072
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42756) - you deserved it (3861)

On 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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