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Saturday 16 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

#20548252
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38679) - you deserved it (5579)

On 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm - love - by noooooooo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML

#20542468
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38647) - you deserved it (3770)

On 03/13/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML

#20556485
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38579) - you deserved it (4840)

On 03/23/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38542) - you deserved it (2657)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

#20539298
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38481) - you deserved it (2373)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:57am - misc - by cunts, cunts everywhere - Australia

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

#20551039
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38458) - you deserved it (3528)

On 03/19/2013 at 4:12pm - misc - by :( - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

#20553362
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38382) - you deserved it (16397)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

#20550446
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38138) - you deserved it (8309) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm - love - by inconnue - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38006) - you deserved it (4233)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

#20545680
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37815) - you deserved it (4312)

On 03/16/2013 at 2:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

#20553379
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37697) - you deserved it (19352)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

#20556944
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37660) - you deserved it (4724)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

#20547926
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37068) - you deserved it (2757)

On 03/17/2013 at 4:12pm - love - by need an appendickectomy (woman) - Finland



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