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Saturday 9 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

#20531130
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34028) - you deserved it (4343)

On 03/04/2013 at 5:24pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

#20541928
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33851) - you deserved it (3382)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

#20544221
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33657) - you deserved it (8733)

On 03/15/2013 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

#20542666
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33618) - you deserved it (5227)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my teacher read my story about a haunted house for a class assignment. She liked it very much and turned it in to the office to be sent into a state writing competition. An hour later, I was called to the office where the guidance counselor called my work "disturbing" and said I "need help". FML

#20535562
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33608) - you deserved it (2583)

On 03/08/2013 at 6:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

#20535997
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33598) - you deserved it (5022)

On 03/08/2013 at 4:22pm - love - by Kiki (woman) - Poland (Malopolskie)

Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML

#20533390
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33570) - you deserved it (3870)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:53am - health - by ghgfd - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

#20540752
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33551) - you deserved it (5053)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

#20545151
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33464) - you deserved it (2983)

On 03/15/2013 at 6:43pm - love - by forever single, I guess (man) - United States

Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML

#20543312
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33253) - you deserved it (2419)

On 03/14/2013 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia

Today, while on a crowded public bus, a cute girl asked if she could sit next to me. Problem is, I didn't hear correctly and thought she asked if anyone was sitting next to me. I answered no, causing her to walk off angrily and earning me several disgusted stares from other passengers. FML

#20530703
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33235) - you deserved it (7042)

On 03/04/2013 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

#20540243
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32999) - you deserved it (50899) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

#20534623
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32899) - you deserved it (2338)

On 03/07/2013 at 12:10pm - love - by it's shitty, yeah, stfu (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)



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