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Saturday 9 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

#20538947
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26510) - you deserved it (1689)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML

#20538776
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26449) - you deserved it (2636)

On 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

#20531557
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25584) - you deserved it (2884)

On 03/04/2013 at 10:38pm - work - by KathleenSchuler - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

#20543666
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25547) - you deserved it (8268)

On 03/14/2013 at 5:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

#20542127
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25366) - you deserved it (6743)

On 03/13/2013 at 2:52pm - misc - by marisacb (woman) - United States

Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

Today, I discovered that the neck injury that my mom has had since last week was planned just as an excuse not to shovel when today's snowstorm came. She has planned on being lazy for over a week now. FML

#20533403
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (2587)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Drew (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I'm pregnant, though I don't really suffer from morning sickness. I do however suffer from sympathy puking, which kicked in with horrifying consequences when someone burst in and started vomiting in one of the other stalls. FML

#20546113
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24770) - you deserved it (2038)

On 03/16/2013 at 1:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Blekinge Lan)

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

#20540639
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24727) - you deserved it (1647)

On 03/12/2013 at 10:05am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML

#20536189
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (3340)

On 03/08/2013 at 7:38pm - misc - by fuck you, gran (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

#20533458
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24677) - you deserved it (2499)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:19pm - work - by SlothyMolly - United States

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I spent an entire raffle game desperately praying that I'd lose miserably, just so I wouldn't have to go up on stage and accept it. FML

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

#20536687
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23968) - you deserved it (2446)

On 03/09/2013 at 4:05am - work - by hairdresser (woman) - Australia



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