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Monday 4 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

#20538687
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33101) - you deserved it (2562)

On 03/10/2013 at 9:51pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

#20539958
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32911) - you deserved it (6070)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

#20538947
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32637) - you deserved it (2594)

On 03/11/2013 at 12:09am - misc - by marcymoo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

#20537428
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32266) - you deserved it (3645)

On 03/09/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by depressed - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML

#20537800
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31997) - you deserved it (8450)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to get a new haircut. Now, she hates the haircut and blames me for, in her words, "turning me into something I'm not". FML

#20537852
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31270) - you deserved it (2805)

On 03/10/2013 at 5:09am - love - by Nogood - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML

#20538776
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30950) - you deserved it (3583)

On 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

#20533295
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30787) - you deserved it (4452)

On 03/06/2013 at 6:51am - work - by Will this stupid fad ever end? (man) - United States

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

#20536687
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30674) - you deserved it (3735)

On 03/09/2013 at 4:05am - work - by hairdresser (woman) - Australia

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30064) - you deserved it (3265)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

#20533491
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29982) - you deserved it (4097)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

#20534043
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29978) - you deserved it (6629)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

#20533456
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29945) - you deserved it (1738)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by evilsandwich (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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