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Saturday 23 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

#20518830
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27555) - you deserved it (45841)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

#20525715
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27279) - you deserved it (4624)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:00pm - misc - by Neversleepingthereagain (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML

#20518187
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27180) - you deserved it (4498) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm - misc - by hé merde - Sent from mobile version

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

#20517185
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27135) - you deserved it (7666)

On 02/22/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML

#20528651
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26872) - you deserved it (3491)

On 03/02/2013 at 9:35pm - misc - by dumbass for a flatmate - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

#20526426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26785) - you deserved it (6967) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/28/2013 at 8:55pm - health - by JimiHendrix (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I had an important job interview at another company. I'd tried to keep it secret from everyone at work, so they wouldn't tell my boss, as I can't afford to get on his bad side yet. My mom posted on my Facebook wall, wishing me luck. I'm Facebook friends with most of my colleagues. FML

#20525834
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26751) - you deserved it (11053)

On 02/28/2013 at 4:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

#20513781
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26367) - you deserved it (3359)

On 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm - love - by Forever alone Guy - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

#20513495
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26082) - you deserved it (2337)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized that the "eyelash curling brush" that my best friend found in my old bathroom drawer was actually a stick used for cleaning food out of my sister's braces. I used that thing for years. FML

#20519962
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25702) - you deserved it (13478)

On 02/24/2013 at 9:30am - misc - by curly_eyelashes - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML

#20514672
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25624) - you deserved it (8047)

On 02/20/2013 at 8:54am - misc - by kryan012 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

#20521895
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25252) - you deserved it (9143)

On 02/25/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by burning balls of fuck this - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

#20525032
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25231) - you deserved it (7247)

On 02/27/2013 at 10:28pm - love - by butterflyzag20 - United States



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