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Tuesday 19 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

#20521664
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29590) - you deserved it (7652)

On 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm - kids - by soaked (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML

#20515001
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29532) - you deserved it (2201)

On 02/20/2013 at 3:33pm - misc - by annoyed - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

#20520443
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29336) - you deserved it (4531)

On 02/24/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by stillfuckingcrying (woman) - Sweden (Kalmar Lan)

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

#20512419
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29214) - you deserved it (3232)

On 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm - work - by ari (woman) - United States

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29177) - you deserved it (3298)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost six years asked me to move in with him. I assumed he meant that he was finally moving out of his parents' house and had found a place for us to live. No, it turns out he means he wants me to move in with him at his parents' place. FML

#20519650
74 comments

Today, a co-worker invited me to go out for lunch with him. I politely declined, saying I had too many errands to do. The truth is that I'm just too broke. I'll be buying myself a burrito using quarters I found on the floor of my car. FML

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

#20522701
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28972) - you deserved it (3176)

On 02/26/2013 at 3:21am - health - by Brook (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

#20516708
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28698) - you deserved it (4952)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:33pm - love - by Meghan (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

#20511803
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28625) - you deserved it (2708)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

#20519764
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28525) - you deserved it (3191)

On 02/24/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by cls_x (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

#20515292
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28484) - you deserved it (2217)

On 02/20/2013 at 7:32pm - misc - by blob - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

#20514612
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28360) - you deserved it (3180)

On 02/20/2013 at 7:01am - kids - by Laila - United States



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