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Sunday 17 February 2013

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Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

by BadLuckCarson / 02/12/2013 at 12:55am / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, my girlfriend bought herself a brand new iPad and iPod Touch, and returned my aging iPod and Kindle, which she constantly steals for her own use. She considers it my Valentine's Day present. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 3:23pm / Germany / Love

Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML

by why the fuck would you do that / 02/24/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm / United States / Health

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML

by hé merde / 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy wolf-whistled me as I walked to the shop wearing comfy joggers, no makeup and my hair scraped back. Feeling rather pleased about it, I told my best friend and my fiancé. Their unanimous conclusion: the guy must have been drunk or taking hallucinogenic drugs. FML

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

by SadFace / 02/21/2013 at 8:04am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

by nosebleeder / 02/13/2013 at 3:31pm / Sweden / Miscellaneous

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

by club goer / 02/20/2013 at 2:48pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

by howannoying / 02/16/2013 at 1:24am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

by Doggotmytongue / 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

by Forever alone Guy / 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm / Venezuela (Lara) / Miscellaneous