Saturday 16 February 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8514) - you deserved it (24181)
On 02/18/2013 at 2:11pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8500) - you deserved it (16678)
On 02/13/2013 at 11:45am - misc - by oh my dad - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8470) - you deserved it (23926)
On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8280) - you deserved it (25171)
On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -
Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8116) - you deserved it (32810) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7914) - you deserved it (27187)
On 02/14/2013 at 8:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, one of my employees complained of B.O. wafting into his work space. As a joke, I created an anonymous survey online asking everyone if they had showered in the last 30 days, and sent it out. Half of them put "Yes", the other half put a variation of "I can't afford to shower on my salary." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7499) - you deserved it (19242)
On 02/14/2013 at 7:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6726) - you deserved it (37128)
On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6685) - you deserved it (14963)
On 02/19/2013 at 5:03pm - work - by CaBur (man) - United States (California)
Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5907) - you deserved it (35036)
On 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm - misc - by hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States (Maryland)
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4974) - you deserved it (32854)
On 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (203) - you deserved it (1752)
On 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm - animals - by Doggotmytongue - United States (Illinois)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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