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Monday 11 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they r made of a fish bi-product!! Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there r countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard!! FML

#20502144
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31839) - you deserved it (3937)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)

Today, I got my very frst yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

#20503942
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31763) - you deserved it (2639)

On 02/12/2013 at 6:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother was arrested 4 starting a fistfight at a funeral . He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners . I'm sure who's more pathetic: him 4 doing such a thing, or me 4 bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail . FML

#20509476
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31328) - you deserved it (7197)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today, the guy I lyk an his friend cummed home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door an my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments 4 her to realise we were there. FML

#20504733
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31231) - you deserved it (2620)

On 02/13/2013 at 6:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (North Ayrshire)

Yesterday... ma leadersip class was trying to decideo would run te kissing boot in our local carnival. Someone suggested me... toic te director replied... ( We'd never make any profit wit er. ) FML

#20511433
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31194) - you deserved it (2677)

On 02/17/2013 at 10:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, A Girl Cummed Up To Me On The Street And Said, "You Have Like No Swag, Bro." Feeling Clever, I Said, "At Least I Have A High School Education." She Then Took Out Her Work ID, Showing Me That She Was A Surgeon, Flipped Me Off, Then Walked Away Saying, "This Is Totally Going On Facebook." FML

#20502122
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31029) - you deserved it (28127)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I started at new job!! Te womano I'll be working rigt next to 40 ours a week introduced erself wit, ( I knowat your name is!! I knowat you're planning, an I've been sent to destroy you!! )

#20512419
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30918) - you deserved it (3416)

On 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm - work - by ari (woman) - United States

Today, I was making lunc, wen ma two-year-old ran up to me and anded me an empty bottle of baby powder. I soon realized I'd be spending te rest of ma day cleaning te entire ouse. FML

Today, I spoke to my looool crush for the frst time, and after ahile he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the frst piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, ( You might need this. ) It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

#20502338
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (7351)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19pm - love - by sofuckingembarassing. (woman) - United States

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother looool took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave."

#20511803
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30202) - you deserved it (2867)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

looool Today, I unknowingly bougt a ouse next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in te paper were residents are claiming tat tey are experiencing cancer and brt defects. FML

#20503049
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29838) - you deserved it (6665)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by toxic waste - United States (New York)

Today I've Been Living In Kenya In A Nasty Apartment For So Long That When I Looked Down Into My Drink And Saw A Dead Fly , I Just Picked It Out And Continued Drinking. Mega FML

#20505207
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29768) - you deserved it (4984)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by kenyaliving - Kenya

2day my sister postd on her Facebook that she hates moving cuz of all of the packing that she and my family have to do !! I didn't even know we're moving !! mega FML

#20510343
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29746) - you deserved it (2283)

On 02/17/2013 at 2:38am - misc - by left-out - United States



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