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Saturday 2 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

#20494070
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21574) - you deserved it (32877)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

#20487736
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21505) - you deserved it (1748)

On 01/31/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by fuckit (man) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21492) - you deserved it (7629)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

#20490721
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21326) - you deserved it (1576)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:52pm - kids - by NeverEscaping (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML

#20489863
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21209) - you deserved it (5544)

On 02/02/2013 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

#20491153
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20793) - you deserved it (13124)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:14am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML

#20494713
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20579) - you deserved it (7788)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20426) - you deserved it (8129)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

#20490478
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20244) - you deserved it (32443)

On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was washing the dishes at work. I had to pee really bad but first I wanted to finish the dishes. A coworker jumped out from behind the ice machine. I screamed like a girl and pissed my pants. FML

#20492292
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20150) - you deserved it (3624)

On 02/03/2013 at 10:50pm - work - by klovemachine (man) - United States

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

#20498382
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20017) - you deserved it (2890)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

#20483441
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19723) - you deserved it (2458)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm - health - by shitty situation - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19392) - you deserved it (2441)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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