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Friday 1 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26067) - you deserved it (3147) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

#20483291
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26055) - you deserved it (1720)

On 01/28/2013 at 4:18pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

#20488292
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25985) - you deserved it (3533)

On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States

Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML

#20494492
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25982) - you deserved it (2041)

On 02/05/2013 at 2:35pm - misc - by vacationless - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

#20493202
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25953) - you deserved it (5105)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:47pm - money - by perfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

#20484952
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25586) - you deserved it (5850)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:23pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

#20496887
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25408) - you deserved it (4918)

On 02/07/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by BonGoWash - United States (New York)

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

#20495428
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25344) - you deserved it (28081)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

#20486186
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25266) - you deserved it (1709)

On 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by jeoak - India

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

#20491168
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25253) - you deserved it (6884)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

#20488361
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25068) - you deserved it (1921)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:06pm - work - by stupidapperently (woman) - United States

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25000) - you deserved it (2791)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)



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