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Wednesday 30 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

#20485077
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34173) - you deserved it (8870)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm - health - by fatty milkshakes - United States

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34112) - you deserved it (4638)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

#20485810
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34085) - you deserved it (3940)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

#20492687
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34044) - you deserved it (14962)

On 02/04/2013 at 2:45am - love - by lonelyloser - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33960) - you deserved it (21484)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33811) - you deserved it (4657)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

#20483262
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33807) - you deserved it (2719)

On 01/28/2013 at 4:01pm - love - by weddingsalwayssuck - United States (New York)

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

#20493569
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33765) - you deserved it (7190)

On 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm - health - by WeakerThanaLittleGirl (man) - United States

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

#20490092
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33488) - you deserved it (2594)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:53am - work - by fuckedbyretail (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

#20495428
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33069) - you deserved it (34709)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

#20491470
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32974) - you deserved it (2094)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:22am - work - by TheBaconater - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

#20485216
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32791) - you deserved it (3322)

On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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