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Tuesday 29 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

#20491987
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39057) - you deserved it (2154)

On 02/03/2013 at 7:26pm - money - by :/ (woman) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

#20488428
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38615) - you deserved it (2177)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

#20490556
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38471) - you deserved it (4970)

On 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm - love - by rani (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

#20489969
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38437) - you deserved it (4170)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:21am - misc - by footfetish - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

#20486408
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37630) - you deserved it (2680)

On 01/30/2013 at 4:05pm - animals - by puppydrama - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

#20485957
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36750) - you deserved it (4156)

On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

#20487313
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36645) - you deserved it (2555)

On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

#20494705
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36020) - you deserved it (2981)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:48pm - kids - by missedout (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

#20494543
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35840) - you deserved it (3279)

On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

#20488602
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35440) - you deserved it (6291)

On 02/01/2013 at 2:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

#20486320
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35333) - you deserved it (2912)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm - health - by cay - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

#20494997
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34779) - you deserved it (6711)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34454) - you deserved it (9158)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France



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