Saturday 26 January 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21042) - you deserved it (3562)
On 01/26/2013 at 3:42am - kids - by anonymous - United States (Alaska)
Today, I found out my ten year old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20971) - you deserved it (2534)
Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20923) - you deserved it (1158)
On 01/27/2013 at 6:47pm - health - by shitday - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I spun off the road and into a ditch. The insurance company told me I'd have to wait an hour, as they had other cars to tow first. I had to pee so badly that I resorted to using the only thing I had in my car: a plastic bag. That's when I got a knock on my window from the tow truck driver. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20916) - you deserved it (3843)
On 02/02/2013 at 1:57am - misc - by merp. (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20787) - you deserved it (1548)
On 02/02/2013 at 7:52pm - kids - by NeverEscaping (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20768) - you deserved it (2900)
On 01/28/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by thrifty gone wrong - United States (California)
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20734) - you deserved it (2239)
On 01/28/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by Creeped out (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20688) - you deserved it (1682)
On 01/29/2013 at 10:18pm - health - by motherless - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20627) - you deserved it (1856)
On 01/24/2013 at 7:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20192) - you deserved it (1836)
On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20138) - you deserved it (3200)
On 01/22/2013 at 8:35pm - misc - by I should have kept my mouth shut - United States (California)
Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19796) - you deserved it (2565)
On 01/26/2013 at 12:18pm - animals - by peteswentzbass - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)
Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19670) - you deserved it (4685)
On 01/23/2013 at 10:44am - misc - by sdd (woman) - Switzerland (Bern)
Monday 17 June 2013
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