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Sunday 6 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

#20458188
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29017) - you deserved it (5488)

On 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm - animals - by Abendigo77 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years, whose reaction was to pretend to take a phone call. FML

#20453131
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28973) - you deserved it (2448)

On 01/11/2013 at 1:46am - love - by proposal fail - United States

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

#20457387
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28797) - you deserved it (1537)

On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28743) - you deserved it (5420)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

#20456391
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28698) - you deserved it (2834)

On 01/13/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

#20453938
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28638) - you deserved it (2529)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:19pm - love - by fuck you, mum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

#20454916
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28629) - you deserved it (1608)

On 01/12/2013 at 4:52am - misc - by gdog10122 - United States

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28283) - you deserved it (7579)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, while out grocery shopping together, my mom decided it was a great time to describe in vivid detail how, when she was breast feeding me, milk would pour out of her nipple piercing holes. FML

#20457723
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27781) - you deserved it (2380)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Gingerdoesafacepalm (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

#20458013
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27602) - you deserved it (1961)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:36pm - misc - by PeeFlavouredFloss (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27509) - you deserved it (3371)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27432) - you deserved it (1909)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27431) - you deserved it (1755)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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