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Tuesday 1 January 2013

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Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML

by scaredofhedges / 01/07/2013 at 5:21am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my fiancé decided he wants a baby only because our dog is good, quiet, and falls asleep as soon as he starts to cradle her. He thinks a baby will be just like that. FML

by Twiggysucks68 / 01/06/2013 at 8:49pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

by Sad nerd / 01/05/2013 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

by Tiffosaur / 01/04/2013 at 1:12am / United States / Love

Today, my friend and I were trying out a site on which you talk to strangers using a mic and webcam. We came across a cute guy, who said to my friend, "Tell the fat guy to move." He was referring to me. I'm a girl. FML

by Pennepestoem / 01/05/2013 at 2:07pm / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

by Dkim620 / 01/06/2013 at 10:16pm / United States / Love

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

by anonymous001 / 01/08/2013 at 2:58pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health

Today, my boyfriend showed up at my grandmother's wake in torn jeans and a Family Guy t-shirt. When I took him aside asked him what the hell he was thinking, he lost his temper and stormed out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 5:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my uncle keeps spamming me on Facebook with friend suggestions. Most of them are people he met on porn sites. FML

by tftm / 01/05/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

by marisa / 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love