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Friday 21 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML

#20427495
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39923) - you deserved it (8777)

On 12/28/2012 at 6:40am - intimacy - by kmtranter - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

#20407951
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39607) - you deserved it (2583)

On 12/19/2012 at 6:31pm - misc - by SugarMyBalls (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

#20418295
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39242) - you deserved it (6582)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

#20423470
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38532) - you deserved it (3919)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I dyed my naturally-blonde hair dark brown. Upon seeing me, my boyfriend immediately wanted to have sex, because I now remind him of his favourite porn star. FML

#20413704
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38475) - you deserved it (13132)

On 12/22/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by brunetteshavemorefun (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

#20416192
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37958) - you deserved it (11076)

On 12/23/2012 at 12:52pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

#20403401
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37794) - you deserved it (4119)

On 12/17/2012 at 7:25am - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

#20407692
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37766) - you deserved it (3803)

On 12/19/2012 at 3:47pm - love - by mahanaaa_23 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML

#20403715
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37633) - you deserved it (4235)

On 12/17/2012 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by crazy mother in law (woman) -

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

#20427916
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37489) - you deserved it (8182)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37227) - you deserved it (5499)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

#20427124
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37140) - you deserved it (7753)

On 12/28/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Alone - United States



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